From Shy to Social: 10 Ways to Build Radical Confidence (Fast!)

From Shy to Social: 10 Ways to Build Radical Confidence (Fast!)

From Shy to Social: 10 Ways to Build Radical Confidence (Fast!)

radical confidence

I’ve been studying the psychology of self-confidence for nearly two decades now, and I’ll be the first to tell you that there is no easy quick-fix method to becoming a person with radical confidence.

If you’re shy – i.e. lacking in social confidence – this will be a result of numerous limiting beliefs deep in your subconscious about socializing and other people. You will see people as risky threats who can harm you, which will give you anxiety and negatively affect your behavior.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way. If you’re willing to pay for confidence, and I don’t mean with money (though coaching is an option… ahem), then you too can stop being shy.

Most people simply aren’t willing to do the work. Everyone could be confident if they really wanted it, but you must be willing to pay the price of discomfort, failure, awkwardness, rejection and confusion.

It’s totally worth it, but of course how can you believe that before you get started?

Building Radical Confidence in Ten Steps

radical confidence

So, while there are no quick fixes, it is actually SIMPLE to build radical confidence, if you are willing to follow certain principles with determination, courage and patience.

If you are willing, here are some of those key principles that I’ve discovered over the years. Live by these consistently for at least 12 months, and you’ll regret that you didn’t do so earlier:

Radical Confidence Tip #1: Be honest about everything all the time.

Even if you KNOW that you will lose a short-term outcome for doing so, prioritize your integrity in every situation. Your future self will thank you for it.

This means speaking your mind, showing your true feelings, and doing what you think is right… especially when you’re worried it will get a “bad” reaction from others.

In the end, you want a social circle of people who accept you and love you for who you really are. How can you possibly create this through dishonesty, manipulation and deception?

Radical Confidence Tip #2: Prioritise your health – both mental and physical.

Keeping yourself as healthy as possible gives you the best possible chance at creating beneficial hormone and neurotransmitter balances in your brain and body.

Your mental health can be managed with meditation, contact with nature, therapy, healthy diet, and in some cases, psychiatric medication. Avoid people who make you feel bad about yourself, and activities that only provide short-term rewards, like porn, drinking alcohol, and gambling.

Your physical health can be managed by simple eating and regular exercise. You don’t need to be an expert. Avoid sugar and trans fats and complex carbs. Eat lots of vegetables. Don’t eat unless you’re actually hungry. And workout at least three times per week (to the point of sweating).

Radical Confidence Tip #3: Stand up for what you want and believe in, no matter what conflict it creates.

Never walk away from an important battle. Confrontations should be a daily occurrence.

In the long run, it’s better to lose face or even lose your job than it is to step down and take shit from people. You don’t need to get aggressive, or even “win” the argument. You just need to speak up about what you prefer.

Even if you back down after you’ve spoken up, at least you’ll have validated yourself. That’s the important bit.

Radical Confidence Tip #4: Follow through on every decision you make, even if you feel like it will be a mistake.

Never re-decide something – it’s better to get it wrong than distrust yourself after a decision is made.

When you revisit a decision before even starting to take action on it, you send yourself a message of “I can’t be trusted to make this work”. That’s a devastating message for your confidence.

Treat yourself like you can be trusted. Try your best to make the most of any decision you make. You can change your mind later, but only after you’ve given it a real go first.

Getting something “wrong” is just an education. No harm done, in the long term anyway.

Radical Confidence Tip #5: Keep what works and upgrade/change/discard what doesn’t.

If any element of your life is unsatisfactory, you should be actively working towards fixing it. Tolerating a poor quality of life is not what we mean by “acceptance”.

It blows my mind how much shit people take from life. They stick with a terrible job or bad partner for decades! Make sure you don’t tolerate a harmful situation for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

It’s better to be broke and single than hating yourself for putting up with poor treatment and sticking with a bad decision.

Radical Confidence Tip #6: Seek to do what is right rather than what is easy.

You should be emotionally uncomfortable multiple times per day. If you feel “good” all the time, I guarantee you’re taking the path of least resistance and you will pay heavily for doing so later.

Doing the right thing has an up-front cost. You won’t always enjoy doing it. The reward comes later, when you are proud of the man you see in the mirror.

Without principles and values, you’re nothing. You will have no meaning or purpose or sense of worth. So take a deep breath and stand up for what is right.

You’ll be OK in the end.

Radical Confidence Tip #7: If there are two similar options, choose the scariest one.

Courage is a blade that needs to be sharpened frequently. The more often you choose the comfortable way, the weaker you get.

Courage doesn’t just mean facing obvious fears and phobias. It means doing things that feel like a “hassle”, or you’re concerned won’t go very well, or you’re confused about the right way of doing it.

Fear comes in many guises, and most appear like a mild resistance to doing something. Watch out for this and tackle it. Set the goal of walking towards all fears and resistance, just to prove to yourself that you can.

Radical Confidence Tip #8: Choose being alone with your integrity over being liked without it.

If you being “you” means losing someone, then lose them. Pay whatever price is required for living by your values.

When I used to manipulate women into being attracted to me, there was no “win”. I would feel like a fraud, and either get rejected anyway (making me wonder if they’d have liked the real me), or getting with a girl under false pretences, which felt a bit like rape.

Wouldn’t you prefer to be liked and loved for who you actually are? Is that not worth waiting for the right people?

And at the very least, if no one else likes you right now, at least if you live with integrity you’ll like yourself. And in the end, the relationship you have with yourself is the only one that lasts your entire life.

Radical Confidence Tip #9: Treat yourself and others with respect at all times.

Stop being unkind to yourself and repair that damage when you slip. Imagine the way you treat yourself as if you’re parenting a child: does that look like love, or does it look like abuse?

Be hard on yourself to live with integrity, but do not be cruel and unkind. Set reasonable goals and be compassionate when they’re too hard (and then try again).

Let other people live their lives without your interference, and do not allow them to interfere with yours. Stop giving unsolicited advice, and stop taking it from others.

Radical Confidence Tip #10: Take responsibility for everything you can control, and nothing else.

Own your decisions, your situations, your beliefs, your results, your feelings, and everything else that is created by your mind and body. For everything created by someone else, leave it to them.

You are the boss of your life. You can’t control your results, but you can control your attitude, your integrity, your reactions, and your attempts.

This shit is hard to follow and trying to do so will mean you often fail, relapse and lose your preferred outcomes.

However, not living like this is even worse!

Thanks for reading guys! Let us know in the comments below what radical confidence means to you. And if you want help building deep & authentic confidence in your life, be sure to check out my latest program Shamelessness – Total Social Confidence on Menprovement X

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and check out some more articles you may like to continue your self improvement journey!

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