Every man alive has heard a woman say, “I just want to find a nice guy who will treat me right” – and then you watch her walk right past 10 “nice guys” who are drooling on their feet when they watch her, as she goes and climbs in the car with the biggest asshole in town.
Girls like bad boys.
Or, do they?
Here’s the thing – I get asked ALL the time what women WANT. What do they want? Why do they like the assholes and the jerks? Why can’t I FIND a girl who will give me the time of day, even though I am EVERYTHING she SAYS she wants?
The answer to that query, my friend, is ATTRACTION.
And attraction is probably NOT what you think it is.
Attraction isn’t about that guy’s car or his chest hair. It’s not about his money or his “baby blue eyes”.
It’s about how he MAKES HER FEEL.
What women want is the attraction that these kinds of men force them to feel.
The “bad boys” get the girls because they make the women feel attraction for them – and they do it by presenting a challenge to her, by being aloof, by being cocky and funny –and by triggering her basic instinct for an attraction that she cannot control.
The truth is, attraction is not a choice. It’s a feeling that you can generate in a woman by doing certain things, by acting a certain way and engaging her in a manner designed to elevate that feeling for her.
One way to trigger that attraction is by using what I like to call Cocky Comedy or Cocky Funny. Making a woman LAUGH (in exactly the right way) creates a powerful SHIFT in the way she sees you. It’s one of the most amazing “magic bullets” I’ve seen when it comes to attracting women.
The basis of cocky comedy is to be slightly arrogant, cocky, funny, a little bit aloof, and challenging to a girl all at the same time. All these things trigger attraction in her. In order to be cocky and funny, you have to do things in the opposite way that is normally intuitive to a man wanting to attract a girl.
Normally, you would think that to get a pretty girl’s attention, you would COMPLIMENT HER ON SOMETHING. Using cocky comedy, you would instead bust on her a bit. Pick something out about her to make a little bit of a joke about – don’t be cruel, of course, but be funny. If she has a big purse, ask her if she carries her miniature horse in there, or if she actually killed the alligator that her shoes are made of. Bust on her like you would one of the guys – and she will rise to the challenge.
Challenge her right from the start, and you will amp up her attraction. Play with her – get her laughing, and walk away. Don’t give her the attention you normally would when you want a girl. Don’t ever be one of those guys you see trying to arrange the “accidental meeting” with a girl in a bar.
You know what I mean here – the one who hangs out right where she will be walking, or coming to get a drink – lying in wait for her like a lion in the grass stalking the wildebeest. She knows it – she is not stupid. Any ploy like that to try to get her attention will KILL your chances of creating attraction for her.
Instead, make her come to you. Give her a little, and walk away. In other words, never “lean forward” with a girl. Lean back, make her come toward you. And – keep her guessing. If she comes to you – put your arm around her, then start talking to your buddy.
Always keep in mind that attraction, for women, is defined much more by personality traits than by looks. The personality traits are those that are typically attributed to the arch-typical alpha male.
The alpha male is defined in human terms by the male who is sought after, who is strong, intelligent, definitive, in demand, and a challenge to get and keep. Being an alpha male has nothing to do with “macho” traits like fighting, true arrogance, rudeness, or being an ass – though most men think they are. And many men who ARE jerks have a lot of alpha male traits – especially confidence. Which explains why the bad boys get the girls.
YOU, however, can be an alpha-male, project confidence, be cocky and funny and get the girls, without being an asshole – without changing the fact that you are a genuine man.
If you start off the interaction with a woman in the right way, you’ll form a first impression that will cause her to see anything you do from then on in the context of the Cocky & Funny attitude that you’ve demonstrated.
I personally think it’s a good idea if you keep up the Cocky Comedy, easing off as you start having more serious conversations. But don’t stop entirely, because at some point you’ll begin to lose the magnetic challenge that worked for you in the first place.
This is another reminder that once a woman thinks of you in a particular way, she’s likely to think of you in that way for a long time. And if you start out by acting like a wuss, then she’s going to assume that you will always act like one, and she’ll run.
David DeAngelo is a professional speaker, dating coach and creator of over a dozen different programs on dating advice that are helping men to create and maintain self-esteem, a positive and engaging love life and success with women and dating. Follow him at Doubleyourdating.com