<!DOCTYPE html>


How to Get a Girlfriend in 30 Days or Less – The Only Guide You’ll Ever Need

how to get a girlfriend

Table of Contents

If you are trying to learn how to get a girlfriend, then you’re in the right place.

As a shy guy in my 20’s, I was on the same journey. I was lonely and hadn’t been with a woman in over 3 years. And the thought of talking to a girl was more intimidating than getting in the ring with Mike Tyson for a 12 round bout.

I was stuck.

But you know what. Now I’m not. So wherever you are in your journey right now, I want you to take a deep breath – and let it out with a sigh of relief. Because I’ve done the hard work. The years of trial and error. And I’m going to hand you the fastest and most effective path possible to getting a girlfriend that you will ever see.

And it will work for anyone.

I don’t care how shy, awkward, unconfident or unattractive you think you are.

I can teach you how to get a girlfriend in 30 days or less. Fact.

I used to coach guys for over $3,000.00 with this exact system. But I’ve decided at the ripe age of 34, and a happily married guy that I want any man who has the desire to meet someone to share their life with to achieve that goal as fast as possible, because it’s a truly amazing thing to be in love and have someone to share your life with.

So here it is. My life’s work laid out for free for you to follow. The best guide on getting a girlfriend that you will ever read. I’ve left no stone unturned.

Key Takeaways

  • Being good with women is about being good with yourself.
  • Traditional dating philosophy is flawed and built around fear and manipulation. There is a better alternative.
  • Attraction is energetic. By employing energetic principles, it doesn’t matter what you look like or how much money you make – you can be magnetically attractive.
  • Her body language shows she’s interested or not.

Alright guys, let’s get into it. This is a very long guide but I promise it is the most valuable guide on how to get a girlfriend in existence. So feel free to print this out and read it as you go.

But whatever you do, if you really want a girlfriend – just take action and follow these steps, because if you do – it will happen.

Part 1 – Doing The Inner Work

doing the inner work to get a girlfriend

Alright guys, the first stop on your journey to getting a girlfriend is to become a guy who women actually want to be with. Without doing the inner work, you’ll be wasting a lot of time.

The steps we’re about to go through will teach you how to become an attractive, confident and magnetic guy, regardless of where you are in your life right now.

They’ll be fighting over you man. I guarantee it – just stick with me.

1: Forget Everything You Know About Dating

If you’ve been trying to learn how to get a girlfriend, there’s a 95% chance you’ve encountered a bunch of outdated, bullshit advice. Excuse my French.

I’m going to be straight with you. 95% of dating coaches out there have got it wrong.

The entire dating advice community started in the 1980’s with a group of men who created a system for attracting the opposite sex called “pick up.” You’ve heard of pick up artists.

These guys had great intentions, but the problem is that the entire system they created was built around one thing: Using techniques to hide their neediness.

And it stuck, because it worked.

The pick up artist (PUA) community was born and to this day 95% of dating coaches are teaching men how to pick up girls based on these teachings.

So what’s the problem?

The problem is that, being needy is the opposite of being attractive.

In the current dating model, pickup, you are only successful if you GET the girl. You are incomplete without her.

the current dating model

This gives off a needy smell. You see, women can smell that needy smell on you. And I can tell you from experience, this will make no girl fall in love with you, and decreases your chances to get a girl friend by 10 fold.

To hide this, dating coaches use a whole host of techniques. The goal is to hide the needy smell and use techniques to pretend to be an attractive guy. We call this the pick up artist shield:

what it looks like when a guy is needy

I call these techniques the PUA shield. A shield of techniques to hide the needy smell.

The problem with this is when you feel one thing (you want her), but you express another thing (you don’t want her), this creates an incongruence in your energy.

It’s what we all know as creepiness.

So you can spend your whole life being needy and using techniques and tricks to seem like your not, or you can rip the neediness out of the deepest depths of your bones and become a truly attractive man who knows how to take action with women.

The choice is yours.

2: Shift Your Mindset

I’m sure you’re on board now with losing your neediness and becoming an attractive guy, instead of pretending to be one. So how do you do this?

Instead of needing the girl or a girlfriend to become whole, what you need to do is first become whole without women.

This is called being autonomous.

Now, instead of trying to fill the hole within you with women, and being super needy – you can express your masculine desire to the women you find attractive from a place of wholeness. You can shine your desire unconditionally, without needing anything in return. Like the sun.

a better way to get a girlfriend

Sun energy is very powerful. The sun shines its light unconditionally. If you decided you don’t want a tan and you want to stand in the shade – the sun does not feel rejected. To be truly attractive, you must do the same.

Everything is built from this core foundation.

Wholeness first. Let’s go deeper.

3: Stop Being Unattractive

Here’s the first major revelation for you, which you can tattoo on your arm or immortalize in some way, so as you never forget: To BE attractive you have to stop trying to DO attraction. In other words, stop TRYING to attract people.

That seems kind of counterintuitive right?

Well, hang in there.

You must redirect your focus from the need for women, to feeling good within yourself. You must engage in your purpose and sense of action in that moment, aside from women. Does that mean you will stay isolated and
alone and never talk to anyone? Hell no.

How to Get a Girlfriend in 30 Days or Less - The Only Guide You'll Ever Need 1

On your journey to find a girlfriend, you will be interacting and bringing yourself to women, however your fulfilment no longer comes from the closure of a “result”, but instead from your sense of play and expression in that very moment. By doing so you will move your focus from “getting it right” to “just being real” and with that you’ll convert neediness into a strong magnetic core.

Part of your journey to becoming the attractive Social Artist, is to not repeat and regurgitate ANY lines, techniques or mechanics from somewhere else. You must become your own artist with your own unique style. And from that place, instead of being a poor photocopy of someone else, you can relax and just do YOU.

That level of realness and total assurance in who YOU are is more attractive than any alpha male routine or pseudo-attraction technique you once learnt off YouTube. The journey to get to this place can be bumpy, especially with 100’s of companies bombarding you with more “stuff” to memorize and mask over the real you.

Pro Tip:

Here’s a good one: Ask her to hide a dime sized bit of honey somewhere on her body and your job is to find it using only your lips. Searching every inch of her skin with your tongue and lips is going to drive her wild.

4: Start Being Sexual Attractive

Sexual attraction is not about what you look like.

It’s an energy.

What you look like does have an effect on how women see you, but most of what women feel from hot guys is in their energy, because these guys know they are hot. This allows them to be free of neediness more easily than others, but it’s attainable for anyone.

A perfect example is Clark Dukes character in the 2008 movie Sex Drive.

Clarke Duke in Sex Drive

You wouldn’t say his character was a physically attractive guy, but he is an absolute ladies man who oozes swagger and attraction because he is not needy. Meanwhile his best friend is a more physically attractive kid who is absolutely horrible with women because he is super needy.

So how do you become attractive if you’re not right now?

The answer is not to learn a bunch of techniques, but instead to follow a certain set of energetic principles. When you do, seductive actions happen naturally like smiling happens naturally when you are happy. You wouldn’t want to use smiling as a technique, instead you’d want to embody the core principle of being happy, and smiling will happen automatically.

So in the next 6 steps, we’re going to talk about the 6 energetic principles of attraction.

If you want to know how to get a girlfriend, this is the foundation onto which everything is built.

The next section will explain the principles of attraction, but if you learn better through podcasts I recorded an incredible podcast with John Cooper, the creator of these principles, where we go deep into each one. Have a listen if you have the time or if not keep reading because this is absolutely essential when it comes to getting a girlfriend.

Attraction Principle #1: Autonomy

What does “autonomy” mean? Well, autonomy means to be self-contained. Self-contained within our own actions. It means that our reward comes from our fulfillment in that very moment, without any need for anything else outside ourselves to fulfil us..

Why do you think women like bad boys & assholes?

It’s because they don’t give shit about them! There #1 priority is not women. They have a higher focus of attention. A higher purpose, whatever that may be.

Now, am I telling you not to give a shit about women – definitely not.

But this principle of having autonomy, or a purpose higher than getting women is what makes you attractive to women. Plain and simple.

In order to become attractive, you have to stop trying to attract people.
John Cooper
Author of Game Over

Imagine a cocktail barman:

He’ll see a beautiful woman over the bar and say:

Hey, what would you like?
Vodka & tonic please

and he would serve them a vodka & tonic.

You know you’re really sexy/cute/fun/. (insert any cheeky chappy barman line here). Hey wanna meet me after I finish?
Allright 🙂

Then he’d seamlessly move to serve the next customer –

“Hey! who are you, what would you like?” Serve, serve, serve, serve… And I know as I’ve worked as a cocktail barman.

When I was enjoying the single life as a barman, I would flirt with hundreds of girls during the night.
Sean Russell
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

Sometimes she’s flirting back. Sometimes she wasn’t.

Sometimes I was getting a number, sometimes I was kissing her over the bar, sometimes go home with a girl after work but at no point was I thinking; “This is an ‘approach’… I’ve got to work through a strategy to get her… I’ve got to avoid rejection here”.

NO of course not.

Why? Because the context has changed now. I’m active, I’m doing something, I’m fulfilled in that moment – BESIDES women. That way, there is no judgment on my action WITH women.

There’s nothing to lose. The barman can never get rejected. The barman is always rejection free. The barman always get a free shot to express himself without failure. Why? Because he’s the BARMAN! That’s his primary purpose. Anything else that happens is a bonus.

a bartender serving drinks

Why do you think women find men in uniform sexy? It’s because that uniform symbolises a sense of purpose and action independent of her. If a fireman turns up, he’s on a clear mission which is not about achieving anything with her. And she sees that, she feels that.

So you might be saying: “Yeah but John, I don’t have a context – I’m not a performer on stage, I’m not a barman, i can’t wear a fireman’s overalls every time I go out to try to get a girlfriend”.

You don’t need to, but the point is to extract the underlying principle of AUTONOMY. That’s all you need to adhere to. That is what is going to give you that foundation. That is going to give you the footing, it’s the roots of the tree through which everything can blossom from.

What to Do:

When yo go out, always ask yourself “what is my primary purpose in this moment?” If the answer is: “to get girls”, then you’ve forgotten your autonomy. What you can always say to remind yourself: “The women I see are ALWAYS the secondary purpose.” This way, no matter what happens you cannot lose. This is attractive, and is not to be used as a technique. It’s got to be real.

That’s why autonomy is so powerful and that’s why it’s the first core principle. There is a lot more to go into with this principle including how to develop yourself from the core so that you can foster this every time you go out.

We’re going to be covering autonomy in a lot more depth in the advanced HD video training program we made called The Ultimate Dating Program. But for now, let’s go straight to the second core principle that is giving unconditionally.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Master Attraction Principle #2: Unconditional Giving

So when you’re going out to get girls, you’re trying to take from them and what happens, if you’re going out to take and you get rejected, you’ve lost, that’s it, you’re out ‘The Dating Game’. But the shift in mindset – the paradigm shift here, is now we’re going out and we’re just giving ourselves away unconditionally. When we see a girl we like, we’re serving her, we’re serving ourselves, we’re serving the moment, yet at all times it’s unconditional.

And that might be kind of hard for some of you guys reading that, because you’re thinking: “I want them, I need girls!” You may be going out especially to seek results. Well, that’s part of letting go – that’s part of the process of reaching an unconditional stage where you can:

  • Express your intent
  • Fully participate


  • Let go of any fixed outcome

And still be fulfilled and autonomous and in a purposeful flow.

How to Get a Girlfriend

This is totally unprecedented. No one is speaking about this in modern dating advice. And you know why – because dating advice is placed in the same bracket as “get rich quick” and “how to get success”. Whilst this may sound intoxicating, it will only make you repellent to women.

So, you might be thinking: “giving? Well, isn’t that just like White Knight behaviour? Isn’t that just like buying a girl drinks in order to wear her down and then maybe she’ll give me a bit more of her time?

Haven’t we seen this before in really unrealistic PG movies, where Cory the nerdy teenager sweet talks the beautiful girl off the harder, cooler bully type character, and we’re somehow meant to believe it?” Well no. We’re not talking about that at all.

Let me paint you a picture.

Imagine the difference between nonconsensual sex and ravaging your partner in bed. Now, from the action level, if you’re the observer- the fly-on the wall – it actually looks the same, right? So when you’re ravaging your woman in bed, it might be rough, she might be screaming, it might be part of that BDSM role play if you like.

Whereas in the same way if the sex is non-consensual, it may look the same, from the outside looking in, observing the physical action, but the intention is totally different isn’t it?

Non-consensual sex is about taking, it’s about abusing for your own needs, parasitically like Pacman. Whatever I want it’s all about me and my needs. Whereas ravaging your women in bed – it’s the same physical action, you could say, but the intention is – I’m serving you. This is a gift to you and to me, it’s a sharing, it’s a co-creation.

So when I talk about giving, it’s about the intention of giving not necessarily the physical action.

You can still take on the action level – still take a girl by the hand, still take her clothes off, still take her up the stairs to the bedroom. You can still take a girl’s number on the streets, but the intention is: we together are going to share this moment, we together are going to create intimacy, fun, adventure and perhaps escape from the mundane you could say.

So that’s why giving is about the intention. It’s a serving. I can even say something extremely sexually charged and commanding to my girlfriend and because we’ve developed trust and a mutual connection, that command is a huge gift, and we explore that role-play together.

So in the context of meeting a woman for the first time now – we just express ourselves to the women around us, especially to the women we like. We offer ourselves out without any need for anything back.

Now this girl that we’re interested in, she’s got two options, right? If we offer to her like a ray of sunshine – she can either step in the shade or she can get a suntan. The sun is unaffected if someone chooses to get a suntan or not, right?

At no point is the sun going to Feel rejected if someone steps in the shade.
John Cooper
Author of Game Over

So in much the same way, when we’re bringing ourselves to women, we’re giving our desire, we’re giving our attention we’re giving our curiosity, we’re giving our full participation in that moment and if she chooses to say “fuck off” or ignores us, turns her back on us, we’re unaffected because this was giving unconditionally – it was an offering.

We’re continuous, relentlessly flowing out to people like this the entire time.

If you’re thinking “but how do I give and offer out without any need for return if women are my primary goal?”

Then you’ve forgotten the first principle of Autonomy. You’ve forgotten to be immersed in your greater purpose in that moment.

You’re now going all in with your poker chips when you see this beautiful girl.

So remember again – The women you talk to are always your secondary purpose. Your 99% purpose is always what you’re currently doing in that moment. And you simply give 1% out to the people around you. And in that 1% you can give your full attention and desire and whatever you feel in that moment. Yet even if they don’t respond well, you simply dissolve back into your 99%. It’s so seamless, so natural.

Hopefully now you can see the difference between the pick-up-Pacman who needs to take vs. the sun that can just shine on people without any sense of loss.

Remember – someone that’s empty needs to take, but someone that’s whole can give unconditionally and just share themselves with people without judgment.

If you’re resonating with these principles so far and want to really embody them, you can learn more about this on the advanced training program.

So, now let’s talk about the third core principle of attraction.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Master Attraction Principle #3: Play

So currently when we’re going out to get girls, it’s all a form of work, isn’t it? We’re working towards an outcome and much the same way we’re working all year for a holiday working all week for a weekend. We’re busting our asses off at school for a qualification – that’s working.

There’s this thing, it’s coming, it’s coming, I’m going to get that thing eventually.

Learning how to get a girlfriend and being good with women is about PLAY and what that means is, it’s moment by moment satisfaction. Moment by moment gratification. So, we’re playing now, this is our reward NOW. And whether or not someone wants to step in and join us, we’re autonomous, we’re fulfilled already.

Play is thriving, work is surviving and when you see guys going out to meet women, you can see they’re trying to survive. They’re going through fight-or-flight because they’ve convinced their minds they need to come back with a prize , even though it’s just simply talking to a beautiful woman.

So instead of working we’re going to learn how to PLAY.

Let me tell you a quick story where I got this from. So I was in Australia and I was stuck in the old mentality of chasing results. I had to film these “infield” videos where you’re demonstrating picking up girls on the streets and filming it and I just thought:

“Do you know what? I’m done with that today, I just want to have a bit of fun.”
John Cooper
Author of Game Over

I said to the cameraman: “Film this for me”. I walked into the coffee shop and there was a barista there. Instead of asking for her number and trying to pick her up I just thought: “You know what? I’m just going to entertain myself, I’m just going to PLAY”.

She asks me what i’d like, and I look at her and I look at the menu board and I say: “Yeah, hi can I haavvvvvee…. your phone number?” And in that moment I really didn’t want her phone number. I didn’t need it. It was just part of the humour, it was simply part of my play. I just wanted to entertain myself and include her into it.

She replies: “What? A guy, that I’ve just met in the coffee shop?” And again I wasn’t trying to force the issue. If I was working hard for an outcome, I’d have tried to come up with a great counter-response as part of a strategy. I really didn’t want the number. I was just playing with her and I said cheekily: “Yeah, do I have to order a croissant with it?”

She laughs and then said: “Here’s the coffee and by the way here’s my number”.

Barista giving a guy her phone number

A light bulb was going off in my head: even if this girl was to say to me: “No way Jose!”, I still come away winning. I was no longer attempting to get anything from her, even though I was asking for a number. I was simply focused on creating something entertaining.

That was it.

If I’m winning at playing, then anything that happens with her doesn’t matter. It was the play that was fulfilling me in that instance not the result of a number.

Yet still it seemed to attract the number. PLAY is the paradigm shift out of modern dating advice. Instead of working FOR women, we simply play WITH women. At this point you may be thinking “Ok great, so if I play will it work?” “If I do self-amusement will I get her?”

The moment you start thinking like that, you’re back working for an outcome again. You’re just tricking yourself into thinking you’re playing.

But you’re not, you’re using play as a strategy to GET something.

Remember before I mentioned about letting go yet still fully participating. You may have been thinking – “how do I let go? Let go into what exactly?” Well the answer is to shift from working to playing. When you start playing you have automatically let go of any need for a result.

The play itself is the source of reward for you and is fulfilling you in every moment.

You can see the difference between workers and players on a night out.

The first thing the workers do is head to the bar to get a drink because they feel anxious and incomplete otherwise. Then they might reluctantly end up on the dancefloor – a crucible for play at its finest. The workers are uncomfortable, looking around waiting for something to happen, or people to approach. The players are feeling the music and playing – they are totally fulfilled and autonomous, because they have let go into PLAY.

They are spreading their play around and inviting men and women and everyone into their bubble of play. By the end of the night the players, have had fun and go home smiling. The workers, if they haven’t achieved their result go home feeling frustrated clutching a doner kebab.

It’s ironic we call these men that go out working for outcomes – “Players” yet they’ve totally lost the art of PLAY.

Part 1 Summary

  • When wanting to learn how to get a girlfriend, the first step is to become the type of guy women want to be with, so that the rest of what we talk about in this guide (talking to girls, online dating, texting, etc.) is 100X easier and more effective.
  • After you have conceptualized the concepts behind becoming an attractive man, then you can move onto part 2 which involves actually interacting with and meeting women while you put these principles into practice.

We’ve gone over 3 principles of attraction here in part 1. There are 6 in total, but the first 3 are the only ones you need to get started and find a girlfriend fast. If you want to learn all 6 – check out The Ultimate Dating Program on Menprovement X. It will teach you everything you need to know about how to get a girlfriend in 30 HD video lessons and over 35 exercises to get you where you want to be.

Now, let’s move onto part 2, meeting your future girlfriend. It’s about to get fun.

Part 2: Meeting Your Future Girlfriend

meeting your future girlfriend

Part 1 was all about preparing to find a girlfriend. Now, you’re ready to meet her. And because of the mindset you;ve adopted and the inner work you’ve done – you’re a guy she will actually want to be with.

There’s plenty of places to meet women. We’re going to cover them all here.

Where to Meet Your Future Girlfriend

If you want to get a girlfriend fast, then there is no doubt that the best way to do it is to go out and express your desire to women during the day, wherever you find yourself.

Let me tell you why.

Option 1: Online Dating (Not Recommended)

After the pandemic, online dating has exploded. And while it’s definitely a valid way to get a girlfriend, it’s also definitely the worst way to get a girlfriend. Bare with me.

The problems with online dating are:

  • It’s too competitive
  • It’s way too time consuming
  • It’s expensive

The women you find most attractive on dating sites get 20-30 messages EVERY DAY, some from guys who look like this:

How to Get a Girlfriend in 30 Days or Less - The Only Guide You'll Ever Need 2

The competition with online dating is insane. You will spend hours scrolling, and messaging and when you finally get a conversation going, you can invest days (if not weeks) and you may not even end up meeting each other. Plus, you pay monthly to do all this.

What I Tell My Students:

Online dating is fine. But it should not be your main way of interacting with women. If you want to use it, just use it as a supplement to organically meeting women during everyday life. But don’t spend too much time dating your computer. Get out of the house and socialize!

Option 2: Bars & Clubs (Not Recommended)

Bars and clubs are cool. They are a great place to cut loose and have fun, but they are not the greatest place to meet women as most men think.

Once again:

  • There is a LOT of competition
  • Hunting women can take away from your fun
  • It’s super expensive

Hey, if you’ve got $14 to spend on a Cosmo for every girl you want to talk to then power to you bro. But once again, at bars & clubs women are being hit on all night. They have their guards up and are very quick to turn you down.

Plus, no one wants to be that guy standing on the edge of the dancefloor with their drink at their chest, hunting. This is what happens when you go out with women as your #1 priority you needy son of a bitch. Just kidding. Maybe..

What I Tell My Students:

Going out to bars & clubs is awesome, but going there to get laid should never be your #1 priority. If you truly want to get all the girls on your night out, just go out and have as much fun as you can! Hit on girls during the day (see below) and then at night you can let go.

Letting go of your neediness will make you very attractive, then you can invite girls into your “fun bubble,” and if they don’t want to join – so what! At least you’re going to have a great time. But honestly, if you genuinely do this, they will be begging to join you.

Option 3: Meet Women During The Day (Recommended)

Guys, I’m going to tell you about a magical place – where beautiful women are everywhere you look, there’s no competition and everyone is open and friendly to your advances. It’s called anywhere outside your house.

Now I know what you’re thinking.

I can’t walk up to a random woman on the street and get her #! It’s creepy, I’m too nervous, blah blah blah – excuses. YES YOU CAN.

It may be the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done the first time around, but it gets easier.

I’m married to my wife, who I stopped on the streets of Budapest with some silly cute remark. She’s a beautiful Hungarian woman who probably would of never answered my message on Tinder or any of the popular dating apps.

Sean and Sara Russell

And I, like many, thought this was impossible for me. I couldn’t talk to a girl unless I had 10+ beers. But I got the right coaching and even though the first 10 conversations with women were awful & embarrassing, now I can talk to any girl, anytime, and often get her number or an instant date. It’s the fastest, cheapest & most effective way to get a girlfriend – by far.


  • There is no competition
  • There is no time wasted
  • It’s free & limitless

Imagine a beautiful women…

  • She gets 30 messages a day from hot guys on Tinder
  • She gets approached by 50 guys a night when she goes to the bar
  • But, ZERO guys hit on her while she’s out a the grocery store

Part 2 Summary

  • Basically, guys, what you need to know is you can get a girlfriend in many ways. But if you want to do it fast, and you want to be able to connect with and date the women you find most attractive, then I highly recommend you start expressing your interest to women during your daily life like the badass dude you are.
  • And if you’re doing this, you will be swarmed with hot girls hitting you up every week, so then you can go to bars without neediness and have fun on Tinder without caring and this will make you even more attractive and snowball into you having pure abundance in your dating life.

So, exactly how do you walk up to a hot girl and get her to be your girlfriend? It’s time for part 3.

Part 3: Expressing Your Desire

trying to find a girlfriend

So wherever you decide you want to meet your future girlfriend is up to you. I’ve made my case and you can do whatever you want with the information.

But what’s relevant in any scenario is that when you see a girl you want to make your girlfriend, you have to express your desire to her and make it happen.

Even if you’ve mastered the principles of attraction we spoke about above, none of it matters if you don’t talk to any girls and pursue them romantically.

So how do we do that?

You have to make the connection!

What Not to Do:

What you don’t want to do is what every other pick up artist or dating guru will advise.

Don’t go out in pac man, needy acquisition mode, hunting for women.

This will lead to 3 things:

  • Approach anxiety – the fear of going to talk to her
  • The fear of rejection
  • You being creepy
Being Creepy is not a good way to attract women.
John Cooper
Author of Game Over

When you are in acquisition mode (trying to get something from her) of course you’re going to be nervous and anxious to go talk to her. And of course you’re going to feel rejected if she tells you to fuck off – because without success you lose. You are dependent on her for success. This is the number 1 mistake most men make when getting into seduction.

This is not attractive. It’s needy.

What to Do:

As we’ve been discussing, our grand quest on “how to get a girlfriend” doesn’t come from a place of taking, but rather a place of giving. You’re not looking to be some social vampire, sucking the energy out of the room. No, you’re more like the sun—radiating warmth, charm, and magnetism without demanding anything in return.

Let’s paint a picture, shall we? You’re out and about, and boom—there she is. A goddess, a vision. So stunningly beautiful it’s like she’s walked straight out of your dreams. Now, she’s so incredibly attractive that it’s almost terrifying. You freeze up, thinking about “approaching” her, afraid of the dreaded “rejection”. You just can’t muster the courage.

Then, out of nowhere, she drops her purse and continues walking, oblivious. Without a second thought, you rush over, pick up the purse, and hurry to return it to her.

Notice something here? There’s no “approach anxiety” in this situation, right? Just an act of kindness, of giving, without expecting anything in return. Two seconds ago, you were paralyzed by fear. But now? You’re interacting with her, not from a place of wanting, but from a place of giving.

What if she snapped at you, told you to buzz off without taking her purse? Would you feel rejected? Probably not. You’d just shrug it off, and continue your day.

You see, gentlemen, the dynamic here switched from seeking something from her to offering something unconditionally.

Yes, we understand. You desire things from her—her number, her attention, a commited relationship, sex.

But consider this: what if you already knew that you’re amazing (because you are, gents) and you have heaps to offer her? Imagine treating your desire for her as a beautiful gift, like returning her lost purse. You’d be able to converse with women—or “attract women”, if you will—effortlessly.

They might not always be receptive. She might have a boyfriend, or be having a rough day, or just not be interested. You can’t control that, my friend.

What you can do, is present your genuine self and your desire.

With a bit of effort (yes, effort is required here), if you can channel this energy, there’s no room for fear.

That flutter in your chest, that feeling when you see a girl you fancy—it transforms from dread to pure excitement.

Let’s lose the idea of women as “targets” or “objects”. Stop simply trying to acquire something from them. Start engaging, start sharing, start creating a connection. After all, that’s the secret to “getting a girlfriend”.

It Will be Hard at First..

a man who is scared to talk to girls

Before you begin this quest to find a girlfriend, I just wanted to share some truths that will help you greatly along the way.

1: You’re going to suck at first, and that’s ok!

When I first started doing this I was insanely shy and nervous. I remember the first time I talked to a random girl. It was at the mall and I must have walked around for hours, stuck in my head and unable to talk to anyone.

When I finally talked to my first girl I don’t think she understood a single word I said. I was in and out of there so fast and I think I blacked out a little. When I did get my first number, I obsessed over her thinking about what to text all day, eventually fucking it up. Fast forward a few months and I was leading girls home within hours of meeting them, in the middle of the day.

The point is, you are going to suck at first, and probably be pretty needy at first – and that’s OK! The more girls you talk to the better you get and the easier it is. The less needy you become.

2: Not every girl is going to like you – and that’s ok too!

Even now if I (Sean) go out and talk to 10 girls today, 3 of them will ignore me, 1 will tell me to fuck off, 4 will be very nice and flattered but in a committed relationship and maybe I would hit it off with 2.

You can’t control other people’s reactions. You can only express yourself, and accept whatever comes.

Maybe she just got fired and she’s pissed off, or vice versa maybe she just got dumped and wants to fuck the next guy who hits on her. You just never know.

Don’t take any reactions personally.

Start Building Autonomy & Value:

Other companies teach guys to become pick up artist robots, who have to go out every day hunting for women, having to approach 20 girls a day and blast through approach anxiety and fear. If they don’t close their targets, they are unsuccessful and go home empty. This is needy, unattractive and creepy.

Yes, you’re going to start out forcing yourself to go out and talk to girls, which is similar – but you want to maintain 99% autonomy outside of women to eventually evolve beyond that. You want to become a man who is living an exciting, social and adventurous life. Through your daily adventures you will naturally come across hundreds of women, and if you choose, you can invite them into your world. If they say no, that’s okay. You cannot lose because you are already winning.

This is non needy, powerful and attractive.

Throughout this journey of getting a girlfriend I want you to start building this exciting life. This autonomy and fulfillment without women. And perceived value in yourself as a man.

Throughout and after this program complete the following:

  • If you live with your parents, or somewhere with no women around – then work towards getting your own place in a small hip city where you’d run into 4 girls you’d marry just going out to get some milk from the shop.
  • Pick up at least 3 new hobbies or join 3 new social groups. Some examples would be joining a gym, a yoga studio, cooking classes, chess club, toastmasters or a recreational sports league (make sure there are some that are social). Consider websites like Meetup.com or MySocialCalender.com or eventbrite.com.
  • Figure out what your purpose is in life. Find your passion. Your ideal career. Then start moving towards it by taking at least 1 action a day towards this goal(s).
  • Revamp your wardrobe. Throw out anything you don’t wear anymore and invest in new clothes. Find a style that works for you and dress for success everyday.
  • Keep working on yourself. I know you are working on yourself right now, but take this into every area of your life. Stop eating junk food, hit the gym, meditate etc. Consider enrolling in the Menprovement 30 Day Challenge if you don’t know where to start.
  • It is completely optional, but I highly encourage you to stop watching porn. That will give you increased motivation to go out and meet women. REAL WOMEN.
  • Learn to be an incredible lover. This is not often spoken about, but imagine how much confidence and self you would have going to hit on a hot girl if you knew you were the guy who “knew things” sexually and could give her orgasms & sexual pleasure she never experienced before in her life. You would truly feel like the guy with a million dollar check with her name on it in your pocket, in that if she doesn’t want to partake in your unconditional expression of desire – she is the one missing out!

The point of all of this is to become a man who’s main priority is not women, but when he does see a woman he likes he takes action and shares that desire with her. He has purpose. He has passions. He’s not obsessed with getting with her, or revolving his thoughts around her.

And when he does talk to a girl he likes he is already whole and believes in his own value enough that he truly feels as if he is extending an invitation to her rather than just trying to get something from her.

At this point, feelings that used to be seen as approach anxiety, will now be interpreted as excitement, adrenaline and a sign of intense attraction.


Alright guys – so what does this look like?

We’ve got dozens of live, real life examples in The Ultimate Dating Program, but what you need to know is that everyone is different. When we teach men how to get a girlfriend, we don’t want to change their personality. We want them to be themselves, and then they will attract the right girl for them.

When it boils down to it, all you really have to do is express whatever is true in that moment to her and then escalate romantically.

Here’s a basic template than you can use to then mold your personality around.

You see a girl you like in the grocery store. She’s checking out the fruit.

You walk over and say:

  • “Hey, I know this is a bit unusual – but I just saw you and I think you are absolutely gorgeous. I’m Sean.”
  • Wait for her response
  • Chit chat for a few minutes
  • “Listen I’ll let you get back to your shopping, but I would love to hang out sometime, can I have your number?”

This is a super basic (but effective) example, but over time you will become much more natural and fluid. The clip below is a perfect example of this:

I love this clip because you can just tell that he doesn’t give a fuck if he messes up the interaction. He has completely let go of trying to impress her and is simply expressing his personality, while still expressing his desire and showing interest in her.

But remember, don’t try to copy this. Everyone is different, just be yourself and express without trying to impress. If you do that, you will find the right girl for you.

Part 4: Texting & Messaging

texting a girl you just met

So now you’ve got her number. Well done man!

But she’s not your girlfriend yet. She’s just a name in your phone.

Let’s talk about how to get her from a number in your phone, to a date and then to your potential girlfriend. And guys, hate to break it to you but this is the hard part!

Start Conversations

Okay, so what you need to know about texting is that all the principles of attraction which we spoke about above apply here as well.

  • You don’t want to be needy
  • You don’t want to use techniques to hide your neediness

Imagine if you had 4 beautiful girls you were texting. You were a busy guy with a lot going on. You wouldn’t be sitting by the phone for 2 hours thinking about what to say or when to text her – only to send it and regret it 2 seconds later.

The less you think, the better. The more you just express without trying to impress, the better.

Easier said than done, I know!

But honestly, just like in person – the first thing you say to her doesn’t matter. What you say doesn’t matter. It’s the energy behind it.

Here’s a quick example:


A guy with the right energy can make a “hey” say it all.

So text her whenever you want, and say whatever you want. The less you think the better.

I’m not going to go too deep into this HUGE topic, but if you want to master the art of texting then listen to this podcast I did with dating coach JD Dallas. It’s absolutely epic.

Part 5: Having a Great First, Second & Third Date

Once you guys have set up a date, you’re really on your way to creating a deep connection with an amazing woman. Congrats!

I want to teach you how to crush it on the first date, but I don’t want to make you read another 10,000 words because this is a HUGE topic.

So here’s a free video from The Ultimate Dating Program where John Cooper (my mentor) and I will teach you everything you need to know about having an amazing first date. So enjoy this free video on the house brother! It’s going to help you a lot.

I hope this video helped you guys. For the second date, we’ve got a great guide called 101 Things to Do With Your Girlfriend. It should give you some great date ideas. If you didn’t kiss on the first date, you should be watching for opportunities to make this happen on your second date. But if the opportunity doesn’t present itself, don’t force it. I didn’t kiss my wife until the third or fourth date.

Pro Tip:

If you’re not sure if she’s sexually attracted to you, and ready for you to make the move, check out this awesome guide written by my buddy (and dating expert) Herman which will explain 21 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you.

After the first kiss, the next date should be back at your place. Maybe a movie, or cooking a nice meal together. After that, it’s time to escalate physically or else you may find yourself getting closer and closer to being pushed into the friendzone. She wants a man who will take ACTION with her, and if you don’t – she’ll move on and assume you don’t want to.

You are not looking for female friends but for a girlfriend, remember?

We’ll talk more about that in part 6.

Conversation is an important factor and something that I personally struggle with. I know a lot of other guys out there do as well. Espescially when she’s talking back with short words instead of sentences.

Dating Older Women

Dating older women is a bit different. If you want to make her your girlfriend, or just have a cougar/cub situation going on then I did an amazing podcast with expert cougar Catherine Behan. It will teach you all the ins and outs of dating an older woman which can be an amazing experience.

Part 6: Making Her Your Girlfriend

So now you’ve gone on a few dates and she’s someone you really like. You want her to be your girlfriend, but does she want the same?

How do you make her your girlfriend, officially?

Well it’s not as straight forward as you think. A lot of guys get into the dating world and as we’ve spoken about many times above, they become needy pick up artist machines.

Their techniques might trick girls into dating them, but what happens is that they can’t keep them around. The girls quickly realize that these guys are not quite what they pretended to be. They haven’t worked the issues out inside them that cause their needy behavior and the façade fades. So how do you keep her around?

Step 1: Maintain Your Autonomy

The reason she was so attracted to you in the first place was because your energy was that of an autonomous man who had higher priorities in his life. You didn’t need her. It was hot.

That needs to continue throughout your romantic relationship.

You should never rely on her for your own happiness. You should be an autonomous man sharing your life with her. That’s the kind of man she wants to be with.

Step 2: Get Your Shit Together

If after you get her number and take her out a few times, she finds out you don’t have your shit together, she’s going to bail.

You don’t need to be rich, or have a penthouse apartment but you should have goals, aspirations and be working towards those. Don’t be the guy who hasn’t changed his sheets in 2 years, who’s mom still does his laundry or who has empty pizza boxes laying around his apartment. She wants to share her life with a man, not a boy.

Step 3: Be Yourself & Treat Her Well

Always be yourself. If you like Anime or D&D, own it. Don’t try to hide it and act like a cool guy. You want a girlfriend who likes these things too. If she doesn’t and she can’t handle you being into that, then she’s not right for you.

And always treat her with the respect she deserves. This goes without saying.

Step 4: Satisfy Her in The Bedroom

Sex is not the most important thing, but if you’re with a girl on your second date, she comes back to your place and you absolutely blow her mind in the bedroom – you could be unemployed and living with your parents and she’d probably want you all to herself.

If you’re not experienced sexually, that’s okay. You can learn. And guys, you don’t need a huge package, you just need to know what you’re doing & how to pleasure her.

If you want to become the best lover she’s ever had and how to give her the most powerful orgasms she’s ever had in her life then check out The Sexual Mastery Package on Menprovement X. It contains over 8 programs and over 50 HD video lessons from sex expert Jakob Wulfe.

This will help, I promise.

Quick Action Recap

So guys I hope you enjoyed these tips on how to get a girlfriend. We’ve covered A LOT of information. So here’s a quick actionable recap for yah.

Here’s how to get a girlfriend:

1: Work on yourself to become a whole, autonomous man.

2: Master the 6 principles of attraction

3: Use dating apps or in person connections to meet women

4: Use seduction techniques to get her phone number or an instant date

5: Gain rapport with her over text

6: Ask her out on a date

7: Nail the first date, and keep hanging out

8: Invite her over for a date at your place

9: Escalate romantically with her

10: Continue to get to know each other & see if she’s right for you

11: Ask her to be your girlfriend

There you have it guys. That’s how you get a girlfriend. Simple right? Alright, maybe it’s not simple but guys, the journey is the destination. Enjoy meeting all the amazing women you’re going to meet, be yourself and soon enough you will not only have a girlfriend, but she will be the right girl for you.

Treat her well brother.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, a few dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Did you enjoy this article?

If you did, and you want to take your abilities with women to the next level – we’re proud to announce that Yuval Mann, Menprovements head sex expert has launched his new sexual training course for men.

Knowing how to sexually pleasure women is one of the most powerful ways to create deep confidence with the women you find attractive. You’ll know that you can give her sexual pleasure like she’s never felt before.

The course is unlike anything else on the web and will put you in the top 1% of men in the bedroom : ) You’ll be able to satisfy women better than anyone she’s ever been with and give her the powerful orgasms that NO other guy can give her.

how to eat pussy

This is the best online course for becoming amazing in bed that I have ever tried guys. I highly recommend it – there is no risk, only rewards. Just ask my wife : )

Meet The Author:


Our evaluations are conducted by a group of specialists based on actual experiences before they are penned down. To learn more read our Editorial Methodology.

Several links in this piece might be affiliated, meaning we may receive a commission at no extra charge to you if you opt for a paid service. We fully support and have personally tried these products. This website is not designed to offer financial or medical guidance. For more info read our affiliate disclosure and privacy policy.

Table of Contents

I Help Shy Guys Get The Girl

get better with women

We’ve teamed up with dating expert John Cooper to bring you what we believe to be the best dating training for men (ever)

Are you ready to find your dream girl?

john cooper

John Cooper


Attraction is not really about looks – it’s about energy. And anyone can master it. 💦

I help men become magnetic, regardless of looks or social status by using 6 energetic principles. When you master these – you become irresistible to even the most attractive women.

Learn them all in my latest eBook, for free.

Unlock Your Potential: Dive into the 12 Game-Changing Habits That Turn Boys Into Men Beasts

The 12 Habits That Turn Boys Into Men Beasts