Mastering the Art of Texting | Part 3 – Text to get a Date.
Oh my, how time flies – it seems like we just got started in this epic 3-part series on texting, and here we are at article Part 3 already.
In general – I am going to share some outstanding guidelines that will help you become the text master that she is hoping to hear from, and not some jag that she needs to delete from her phone.
Read on, and get ready to text.
Biggest mistake guys make in the world of Texting: Are you ready for it? Here it is.
They don’t do the proper work upfront before getting her number. See Part 2 for details on some great stuff to do, as the photo technique. But there’s one that’s even better.
The worst thing you can do is get a number without suggesting a date or a meet-up first.
That’s right – get a date conversation going in person. Set the expectations of the texts to come.
The night you meet:
YOU: Hey, I have to run in a few minutes – but we should grab a drink or some food this week or early next. What’s your schedule like?
Woman: Um…I dunno..maybe Sunday?
YOU: Cool, I’ll text you. What’s your number?
It is a huge mistake to think that getting her number is the goal. It’s not.
Most guys who get a number think they hit the jackpot. Numbers don’t mean anything. It’s what you do with them. You got her number because you want to see her again, right? So see her again, soon.
And don’t assume that all women are like the typical guy – lonely and without many options.
They really aren’t thrilled to hear from you especially if they get stuff like:
“How’s it going?”
“How was your weekend?”
“What are you doing?”
“Do you have plans?”
Just because you would love to get ANY text from a woman doesn’t mean she’s dying to get ANY text from you.
Just do this: Imagine you are her. Imagine you are busy, stressed, and running around trying to get things done that you have to get done.
Then, you get a random text message from some guy you met at a bar the other day who seemed like an okay guy.
“What’s up?” says the text.
“What’s up?” she thinks.
What the hell is this? I don’t have time to make up something or shoot the shit. I’m busy as hell.
Anybody who is even slightly busy will think this.
She hates this kind of stuff because it just adds to her load. If she wants to respond she has to come up with something. SHE has to provide the interesting banter – what it would be like if YOU were dating HER.
When a girl gets a message like this from you, she goes:
“Who is this again?”
“No idea what he wants.”
“Is he going to ask me for a favor?”
“I don’t have time to respond to this.”
“He’ll send me a million messages if I respond.”
“Why doesn’t HE take the lead?”
“Is he going to ask me out?”
And on and on – ultimately prioritizing this to the “get to it later” bucket, and turns her ringer off.
You must strive to be crystal clear and easy to respond to in your messages, to reduce mental loads as much as humanly possible.
Don’t make her think.
Don’t make her wonder.
That’s an invitation to ignore you.
Just go for the date, man. The one you already TALKED about.
Hey $HERNAME, hope you had a kick-ass weekend. Mine was solid, and restful… just what I needed. When’s good for you to grab that coffee this week? Let me know when your schedule’s clear and let’s set it up.
Texting is something women do a lot. And they don’t mind having guy-friends. You want to be a boyfriend – not a text buddy.
Used properly – the text message is a surprisingly versatile and powerful tool in the arsenal of any man who’s looking for dates.
And that’s what we want to do – keep our eyes on the prize. Getting dates. Don’t become a boring text guy, super funny text guy, or endless text conversation guy.
Be the texting to get a dating guy.
There will be other text situations that you find yourself in other than getting dates, of course. So a good mindset going into those is key.
Keep in mind: every girl you want to date will be thinking the same thing when she’s flirting with you: “What would my life be like if this person were my boyfriend?” She’s going to want to know whether she can expect excitement and intrigue or if her future with you would be a never-ending string of nights consisting of Xbox and Ancient Aliens reruns while she quietly dies inside and wishes she’d gone out with that bartender with the nose ring instead.
So keep it fun and flirty, and exciting. And short.
When you get the typical “interview” questions – like what do you do for a living, the first NOT to do is give her a bunch of boring details about yourself.
Be humorously evasive when she asks questions – like:
-“What do you do for a living?”
-“I’m an underwear model.”
-“You’ve probably seen my work.”
ANYTHING other than your boring job description works for her.
Why? Because her imagination is 100x more vibrant than yours – so let her imagine how cool you are before you inform her you are not.
This is also playful and teasing. She’ll eat it up.
Another good way to seem very exciting or attractive while you’re talking…er texting… you could bring up the plans you have for that week. This is NOT what you want to do with her. Just the cool things that you’ve got coming up that you’re looking forward to. You want to demonstrate to her that you live an interesting and exciting life – one that she’d enjoy being part of.
This shouldn’t be bragging.
Just casual mentions of stuff – “My week is packed – I gotta go race my Mustang against this a-hole from downtown Thursday night.”
You don’t want to come off as trying too hard – you don’t have to brag about how you and your friends are getting bottle service at this club or you’re going to a super-exclusive party that celebrities will be hosting – but you do want to actually demonstrate that you have a life outside of her.
Finishing a painting.
You are busy.
If you DO have to make stuff up for this part, here’s a suggestion: Start making a list of the things you’d be doing if you were living the life you wanted, then start going out and doing them.
I’m big on making lists – we’ll talk about why some time.
Before I send you off into the cyber social media world, let’s wrap up with some final thoughts on texting.
It’s one of the best ways to establish communication with girls you’ve just met – as well as confirming that you have a working, valid number from her.
“Hey $NICKNAME, do you speak text… $YOURNAME”.
You can use it to build comfort or intrigue in order to help get her excited and eager to meet with you face-to-face.
See: The Yes Ladder in Part Two. You can use it to maintain a connection with a girl you’ve been seeing or one you’re trying to see but circumstances are getting in the way.
[quote]“What are you doing later…”[/quote]
You can use it to re-establish communication with a girl when things have suddenly gone quiet, even after weeks or months of inactivity:
“It seems you have been kidnapped! Please send your coordinates and I will arrange a daring rescue.”
And it can be used to bypass women’s inhibitions and build momentum towards sex:
“Had a dream about you last night – I just wanted to say thank you…”
There’s another little considered characteristic of the text, and that is that text messages provide a layer of distance between you and the person you’re talking to. This level of detachment allows for people to step outside of their public roles or personas and adopt ones that they would never cop to in public. You’re mutually agreeing, in effect, that these texts are not “real” and therefore anything goes.
Have you ever had a long text conversation with someone, then see them the next day – and it’s like whatever took place in the text didn’t really happen? You don’t refer to it or talk about it…It’s not the real world.
Your job is to keep her excited about you in the text world so she wants to see you in the real world. Soon. Otherwise, you just become a text buddy.
Also – be prepared!
Use the internet and find the cool shit going on in your town that you’d want to do with a girl and start making inroads.
This way when the subject of plans comes up, you’ll have more to talk about when the “So… what are you doing this weekend” topic inevitably comes up.
It’ll be more like:
“I’m going to the concert Friday night at the Dome. I think my buddy is going to bail and I may have an extra ticket – you should come with!”
And of course, in my role as a dating coach, gents ask me all the time about what kind of message to send to a woman they just met.
Part One of this series deals with this in-depth, but I’ll share some quick “pings” you can use to get the ball rolling right here.
The text ping doesn’t have to be long – just a little reminder of who you are. One of the most reliable out there is the classic
“Hey $NICKNAME, do you speak text… $YOURNAME.”
If I met her while out at a bar or party, I may send something along the lines of”
“Hey $NICKNAME, it’s $YOURNAME, I’m texting you now before I forget who you are when tomorrow’s hangover kick’s in, so WRITE ME BACK, WOMAN…”
“So I have a couple of hours before the consequences of my actions kick in $NICKNAME so I wanted to say ‘hey!”
You want to bait girls into writing back; this is why you don’t want to say “Hey, it was great meeting you last night!.”
And, of course – a little humor and/or intrigue works best – as does a challenge.
“Hey $NICKNAME, this question will forever decide whether we can be friends: favorite Bond Girl?”
Make-or-break questions, especially any involving a binary choice, will get good responses; Cake or pie, beach or skiing, Los Angeles or Miami, New York or San Francisco, New Orleans or Austin, Game of Thrones or True Blood. Regardless of the answer, a teasing response “What, are you serious? Oh God, I can’t take you seriously…” can keep the conversation interesting.
But like I said earlier – you don’t want to be a boring text guy.
Do you ever ask yourself: “If I was a girl, how would I respond to my message?”
If you don’t, it’s always a great place to start.
BEFORE you hit “send.”