This is part one of a 3 part series by an expert dating coach, J.D Dallas on How to Master The Fine Art of Texting. Enjoy.
Women use their phones to connect.
You likely use it for information, directions, fantasy football stats, and some light porn.
Okay – maybe not for fantasy football.
But don’t listen to anybody that tries to convince you that texting is not here to stay in the dating world – I don’t care how far your grandpa had to walk to your grandma’s house to talk to her.
Nowadays, women text like their life depended on it. Accept it. Learn it. Love it.
Your phone is your bridge to attraction, and more. It’s also a tool for destruction and dateless nights if used improperly.
In case you didn’t know – I’m a professional dating coach. True story.
Every guy that has a cell phone asks me the same things:
“How do I text her?”
“What do I respond to this or that text?”
“When is the best time to text her?”
“How do I text for a date?”
“What is sexting?”
…On and on with the texting questions.
My inbox (on my cell phone, of course) is overloaded with this type of question.
I’m gonna do everyone a favor and just spell it all out for you – not via text but right here, right now.
Well – the only guys I won’t be doing a favor with are the ones who want to charge you for this information.
You know what I’m talking about.
You Google: Texting secrets, how to text a girl, what does LMFAO mean? Etc.
And you get on some page, or some video or some total Text Genius Expert Guru the God of all Electronic Communication website and they promise to make you a texting expert. Or textpert. Or some other equally droll pun.
So you get on Doctor Textsmart’s ad page…er…I mean, informative blog.
And then…you are reading along. Line after line – thinking: “The magic text secret is going to be in the next sentence….”
And what do you get?
Some general “advice” that says: Be flirty, don’t be needy, text her something cool, etc.
But where’s the cool thing you are supposed to text her? Seriously – if you knew what texting something cool was, you wouldn’t need to Google it.
Oh wait – there it is.
Doctor Textsmart says: “Hey – I’d like to go into all the details of exactly what to text, and I do – in my SUPER AWESOME GUIDE TO TEXTING CHICKS AND GETTING LAID book. Which you can grab a copy of here.”
And of course when you go to “grab your copy” you aren’t getting shit without a credit card number and long fall down a sales and subscription funnel.
So, you know what?
“Fuck those guys.”
You don’t have to give ME one red cent – and I’ll lay out some of the world’s greatest texting “secrets” for you.
Like I said, right here. Right now.
Biggest issue: You just got her number on a Saturday night. Now what?
Here’s what NOT to do, first of all.
You’re on your way home, or laying in bed, and you can’t this new girl out of your mind – so your mind tells you, “Hey man – you know what would be really nice? If you texted her and asked her if she got home ok.”
Step away from the cell phone.
This text is out of line – and truth be told it’s a desperate grab at some reassurance for you.
While it seems like a cool thing to do – what you are really doing here is treating her like a girlfriend. Jumping the gun. Cart…horse…the whole deal.
Sending the, “You get home ok?” text is something you do with your kids, your wife of 10 years, your girlfriend, etc.
Not someone you just met.
Settle down, turn your phone off. Go to sleep.
Or appear needy. It’s your call (er…text).
Also do not adhere to some “3-day rule” or other such nonsense in waiting to text.
Yeah – you don’t want to be all over her in the first 3 seconds either – but you do need to realize that there IS a window of opportunity and waiting TOO LONG is bad as well. While too soon is too needy, too late is going to kill your chances.
Women give out their phone numbers like free tickets to community theatre. It’s good for the ego. You do want to be fresh in her mind.
So – the next day or so is fine. It really is.
There was something between you two the night you met – you are thinking about her, she gave you her number, you were having a great time, the liquor was flowing…it’s a regular romantic comedy.
THAT feeling is what you want to keep going – and the window to do that is small.
So – what you want to accomplish (I would imagine…) is meeting her again soon and rekindle the magic and take it to the next level.
Doctor Textsmart will call this “shortening the time bridge” or some other made-up PUA-speak.
Me – I text the next evening. Early evening.
Texting in the morning = neediness.
If you were drinking with her, she’s still hungover. Even if you weren’t, her cortisol level is high in the a.m. causing stress.
Early evening is better than late at night because it leaves a slight chance of a casual meet-up that night yet.
It also cuts down on her time to flake.
Or forget you.
So yeah – what’s that $49.95 text guide say about this?
Shit, I don’t know. But I do know there are some important pieces of info that go into crafting this Shakespearean couplet you are about to compose.
Which of the following you go with depends on what the hell happened last night.
So, scenario one:
“A good-looking woman could have given her number to half a dozen guys on a night out. She could have been blackout drunk, too. You were there.”
This is the “remind her of who I am and that we met” text.
“Hey, it’s JD. Nice meeting you last night. My Facebook is facebook.com/doctor cool. Add me…”
Why do you want to send this?
Who you are – when you met. Jog the memory.
It’s not needy. Doesn’t even require a text back.
You can gauge her interest if she adds you on FB.
It’s at least guaranteed it’ll pique her interest to the point where she’ll look at your FB page.
If you think she may not text back – this is a chance for her to sort shit out. She can log into Facebook and check you out before contacting you back.
Oh! It’s that guy. He was hot…
Adding on Facebook now….
As a side note – you do have your Facebook profile all jacked up and rockin’, right? Get on that if you don’t. (I’d like to tell you all the details about how to do that – and I do! In my SUPER AWESOME GUIDE TO KICKASS FACEBOOK PROFILE FOR GETTING LAID EBOOK! You can grab your copy….)
Now, let’s say your encounter was a little bit more than a drunk-fest on a loud dance floor and she is likely to remember you.
Same timeline rules apply.
A good first text includes the following elements:
1) Your name (you know this)
2) Her name (it’s in your phone, right? )
3) Where you met her (the fond memories just flood back)
4) A reference to something you talked about/connected over/know about her/etc. (you DID connect over something right? I’d love to go into detail about how to….)
“Hi Jessica – I blame you for the shots last night at O’Shecky’s. If you’re not studying for that test I may have time to continue our debate…”
Covers it all. Doesn’t require a response, but will likely get one if you did your job the night before. And speaking of doing your job the night before – DO NOT miss my next article – Part 2 of Mastering the Art of Texting – for sure-fire steps to nail that shit.
We’ll also get into some more specifics about what to say, how to get the date set up, etc.
Let me leave you with some general rules of thumb – that finger you text with:
– Stay away from text-speak abbreviations. No “LOL” no “tlk l8r” or anything else that makes you seem like a high-school cheerleader rather than a somewhat sophisticated, interesting upright hominid. Use a capital letter when appropriate, especially when using “I” referring to yourself.
– Turn questions into statements. How? Eliminate the question mark. Use the dot dot dot method. Which looks better, more flirty, less needy, less creepy:
What are you doing tonight?
What are you doing tonight…
– When setting up a date – or more likely a casual meet-up, I think it’s best to take the lead. Tell her what you’re going to do with her and where. A great tactic – I mean, super-secret insider trick, is to leave a bit of detail until the day of the date. A window of time for example.
There’s the chance she’s gonna flake and you really really want to text her and make sure you’re still on, right?
Well – don’t send her something lame like: “I hope we’re still on for tonight” or “See you later tonight?” etc. I know from experience THAT text always gets a response. A “NO”.
Try this instead:
“I’m busy until 6 but I can meet you 7ish. Sound good…”
Or – Another big insider tip not worth paying for: Text assuming she is coming. Drop some knowledge about the dress code, like:
“Hey – wear heels tonight.”
– Another great bit of PUA-speak, and something you’ll probably learn in a paid-for Text Lesson, is what’s called a Yes Ladder.
You can probably google it now and find out what the hell THAT is.
But don’t. I’ll just tell you.
Everything is either an easy YES question (with no question mark) or an easy question with options. These “options” are giving your young lady the illusion of choice but, the manipulative truth is it actually constrains her and keeps her on the ‘yes’ ladder.
– Using her name is good unless you have a great nickname for her – one that relates to what you connected over the night before.
“Hey such-and-such girl” or “Ms so-and-so”
Here are two examples of this high-priced information:
TEXT: Nice to meet you last night. Shame we couldn’t talk longer. – J.D. p.s. do you like chocolate…
(Seriously – who doesn’t like chocolate? We’re looking for a “yes” here. And if she doesn’t like chocolate, then she’s either blowing you off or, frankly, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t like chocolate?)
TEXT: Ah – a fellow chocolate lover. Cool. So I have to ask – red or white wine…
TEXT: Yes – the Red Wine Woman. Now I’m dying to know: rom-com, comedy, horror, or drama….
TEXT: We have a winner. I believe a Chocolate/RedWine/Comedy evening is required. You want to pick the wine or the DVD…
TEXT: I will trust your superb taste then. Should we go on a Tuesday or a Thursday…
You get the picture. You aren’t asking anything. The two of you are planning something you both obviously want to do.
Here’s another example of the oh-so-manipulative Yes Ladder:
Instead of asking her a simple yes or no question, give her a choice of two things and subconsciously build “a yes ladder” before asking her out (via a statement, of course).
Here’s an example:
TEXT: “Do you like chocolate…”
TEXT: “What do you prefer, beer or wine…”
TEXT: “Hmm…well then, we should have a wine and chocolate night. I’m free Tuesday or Thursday…”
Oh wait. That was the same thing. Well – that tactic is tried and true. If she is the least bit interested in you this will get you rolling, no doubt. The idea here is instead of asking her a simple yes or no question, give her a choice of two things and subconsciously build “a yes ladder” before asking her out – but use a statement.
DO NOT miss my next article – Part 2 of Mastering the Art of Texting.