I am in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman and when I think back to our first date, it’s a miracle that we actually came together. I did everything wrong that you can possibly do wrong. I mean, I messed up big time.

I ate from her plate, I tried to impress her with my cultural knowledge and I even tried to kiss her in public. “That doesn’t sound too bad” you might think to yourself.

And yes, you are right. It really doesn’t sound too bad, at least not when you are dating a Western girl. When you are on a date with a Western girl it is absolutely okay to go for the kiss in a public environment. Heck, it is even expected.

The problem was that the woman I went on a date with was not born and raised in a Western country. My girlfriend is a beautiful woman who was born in Thailand and when you date a traditional Asian woman like her, Western dating rules don’t apply.

I wish I knew that on our first date. It gives me goosebumps to think about all the things I did wrong. I really hope you don’t make the same mistakes with the next Asian woman you approach. That’s why I put together the following list of life-saving tips for dating traditional Asian women. Read every tip twice and promise yourself that you won’t mess up your next date.

1. Don’t Approach Her With “Konnichiwa”

Thank God I didn’t do that. And no, I also didn’t use the Thai equivalent to Konnichiwa. I approached my girlfriend in English and today I am happy that I did.

When it comes to dating Asian women, a lot of white guys get overly enthusiastic and think that a traditional approach will work wonders. Sorry, but it won’t. If there is one thing that a traditional Asian woman is sick and tired of, it is a Caucasian man who tries to act Asian.

You also wouldn’t approach a black girl with a traditional African greeting, so why the hell do you want to do it with an Asian woman? My advice: don’t do it. You will only look ridiculous.

2. Skip the “I Like Your Eyes” Compliment

I have a lot of experience dating traditional Asian women and they absolutely love direct compliments. Especially, because the men in their country tend to be very shy and they are not used to getting compliments.

They love it when you call them cute and they love it when you compliment their beautiful black hair. The only thing they don’t love is when you say something like “I really like your eyes. They are so exotic”.

I don’t have any scientific proof for that, but in my experience, Asian women are allergic to eye compliments. That’s just my experience. Test it if you want.

3. Don’t Lecture Her About Your Cultural Knowledge

Maybe you know everything about her culture. Maybe you know jack shit about her culture. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that you don’t try to impress her with your cultural knowledge.

It’s great if you are an Asia expert, but that doesn’t mean that you have to shove it in her face all the time.

As one of my closest Asian female friends put it: “There’s nothing worse than a date with a white guy who tries to prove that he is more Asian than you.”

4. Eat With a Fork

I am a chopstick expert. No, seriously. I can eat single rice corns with chopsticks. Not many white guys can do what I can do with these things. But I practiced a lot to get to that level and it’s very likely that you didn’t.

So please don’t embarrass yourself. Take the fork on the first date. She won’t be mad at you when you don’t use the chopsticks. In fact, she’ll be happy when the food lands in your mouth and not on her cleavage.

5. You Don’t Need to Prove that You are the Chili King 

Can you eat spicy foods? I can, but the first time I ate spicy my belly was screaming “death and decay” a couple of minutes after the delicious experience. Your need to prove to an Asian woman that you are the chili king can backfire. And in this case, you can take the words “back” and “fire” literally.

If there is only one thing that you take away from this article, then please let it be this: Skip the chili and don’t risk spending your first date on the toilet, just because you wanted to prove something. It’s not worth it.

6. Have Some Manners Goddammit

Asian people are very polite. Traditional Asian families teach their kids respect and manners. To be honest, I have never seen a traditional Asian girl chewing like a bear while resting her elbow on the table, but maybe I just met the right girls.

Anyway, if you want to date Asian women, you should focus on your manners. Yes, that’s also important with Western girls, but it gets even more important when you date a girl who was raised in a culture that forbids laying your fork and spoon on the table. Put it on the goddamn plate and learn!

7. You Don’t Need to Pay the Bill

Just because she is a traditional Asian woman doesn’t mean that you have to pay the bill. Remember, my girlfriend is Thai and I didn’t pay for her food on our first date. In fact, this is one of my most important dating rules:

Not paying on the first date keeps the gold diggers away. Just because she expects the man to pay doesn’t mean that you have to do it. Surprise her and tell her that it’s your rule. A man who can communicate this with confidence doesn’t have to worry about a negative reaction.

8. Be Prepared to Do the Talking

Asian women can be shy, very shy. While it is definitely a sign of disinterest when a Western girl stares at you for five minutes without saying a single word, it’s not the same when you are dating in Asia. They are shy, especially when they are on a date with a foreigner like you. Give her some time to get comfortable in your presence. Until she is comfortable it is your job to do the talking.

9. Be Careful With the Dirty Talk

Talking dirty is not only an art but also a risky business. If you do it wrong, she will remember you as the creep. If you do it right, she will probably end up in bed with you.

The only problem with dating a traditional Asian woman is that her barrier for creepiness is a bit lower than for women with other cultural backgrounds. You don’t really talk about sex in Asia. That’s just how it is. That’s why you need to be careful with the dirty talk. Don’t overdo it. She might get scared and run away from you.

10. Think Twice Before You Kiss Her in Public

You can kiss her and you should kiss her. Just make sure that you don’t do it in public. I know, in the West it is totally normal to go for the kiss when you are at the train station or at the bus station. Don’t do it when you are dating a traditional Asian woman.

Going for the kiss in public is one of the most prominent mistakes that guys make. Whenever I see this in Bangkok, I feel sorry for the girl. She awkwardly turns away while he tries to kiss her. And she doesn’t even do it because she doesn’t want to be kissed. She wants it. It’s just that her culture forces her to react like that. Just wait until you are at your place, enjoy the night and write me a “thanks for this tip” email a couple of days later

In Conclusion

Dating a traditional Asian woman is not the same as dating a Western woman. The wrong compliment can destroy everything and just like in high school, being a smartass won’t help you to get more popular.

Respect her culture and act like a human being who knows what the word “manners” means. Oh, and don’t be afraid to talk. You might have to use your mouth throughout the whole date. Just be careful that you don’t use it for something else until you are in a private environment.