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How to Pick Up Women in 2024 (And don’t get rejected)

how to pick up women

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So you want to know how to pick up women?

You are definitely reading the right article. I’m a naturally introverted, shy guy who was absolutely unable to talk to a girl (unless I was drunk) for the first 21 years of my life.

But now – I know how to pick up girls better than I ever thought possible. In any situation. At any time.

This is my superpower.

In fact, I am now married to a magnificent woman who I met while walking down the street in Budapest.

sean russell and sara russelll wedding picture

I can say without a doubt, that learning how to pick up girls was one of the greatest decisions of my life.

And now – I am going to teach you how to do the same.

In this article, I am going to teach you how to pick up girls better than ANY pickup artist on the planet.

key takeaways

  • Confidence, not neediness, makes you more likely to attract women
  • Real sexual attraction isn’t about pick-up lines, it’s about genuine connections.
  • Your body language speaks louder than words in the dating world.
  • Being fulfilled independently makes all the difference in attracting most girls.

How to Pick Up women in 2023 (The Basics)

How to pick up women

The first thing you need to do on your journey of learning how to pick up girls is to stop using the word pick up and any associated pick-up artist language! This is essential if you want to manifest high-value women in your life.

I only used the words pick up in this article so far because that is what most people associate with going up to a girl you like and trying to become romantic with her.

The problem is, the pickup artist community and all associated teachings is a fear-based system of talking to women.

They use militaristic language like:

  • Approaching girls
  • calling girls targets – (This is childish and extremely disrespectful to women)
  • Disarming
  • Making In-field videos

And success when picking up girls is totally dependent on getting an outcome, whether it be a phone number, a kiss, or a date.

If you don’t, you’ve failed. Or you’re “rejected.”

All of this creates two things:

  1. Fear
  2. Neediness

Because of this, the pickup artist community has created a series of techniques to hide this needy smell. You can see some of these in a screenshot of my mentor John Cooper’s classroom session teaching guys our new philosophy for picking up women.

John Cooper Lesson

“Pick up” is a systematically flawed ideology.

Neediness is the opposite of attractiveness.

You don’t want to become a needy pick-up artist who roams the street hunting for women, talking to every girl he sees, pretending he is doing it organically.

You want to do it organically!

You want to be a cool guy, living a cool life and while you’re out doing cool stuff and you see a hot girl you like – you can go tell her how absolutely sexy she is without fear or the need for any outcome.

This lack of need for an outcome is the opposite of neediness, which we know is sexual attraction.

So step 1 when learning how to pick up girls is:

  • Stop using pickup artist language
  • Stop watching any pickup artist videos
  • Stop following anyone who calls themselves a pickup artist or who teaches “pick up”

Stick with the teachings of myself and my mentor John Cooper.

You don’t need anything else.

Learn More >>> How to Impress A Girl WITHOUT Being Needy. 🚨

Step 1: Becoming Autonomous

Successful young man, dressed stylish in front of sports car

For the sake of clarity and consistency with our topic, we’ll keep using the phrase “pick up line.” But whenever I mention this, picture me talking about initiating conversations with women.

Just because you’re chatting with women doesn’t imply you’re attempting to pick them up.

As I’ve mentioned before:

The last thing you want is to come across as a desperate guy, spending every day on a quest for women. It’s a sign of desperation.

Strive to Be an Awesome Guy, Lead an Awesome Life, and When You Spot a Gorgeous Woman That Catches Your Eye – Feel Free to Compliment Her on How Amazingly Attractive She Is.
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

But to reach this stage, you need to develop self-reliance, the foremost principle in John’s 6-point guide for improving your interactions with women.

Self-reliance means being entirely self-sufficient. It’s about feeling complete and content without needing approval from women or anyone else. When guys are trying to learn pick up lines, they often miss this essential step. And that’s perfectly fine.

Right now, you’re needy.

Just accept it, it’s all good.

When I first started to learn how to use pick up lines, I was super needy. I treated each girl as the one and thought that getting intimate with her was the key to my happiness.

Sure, intimacy is fun, but believe me – if you have this mindset when using pick up lines – you’ll soon discover that even a steamy encounter with the most attractive woman won’t satisfy you.

After she leaves, you’ll still be the same guy.

It’s a bit of a reality check.

Yes, love, bonding and family are important. But no amount of women, sex, wealth, or fancy cars will fill your inner void.

But most men (not all) who want to learn pick up lines think they will. They work hard to be top pick-up artists but end up unhappy. I’ve spoken to the top pick-up artists in the dating world, and they’ve said the same.

You can listen to this interview with former pickup artist Mark Manson to get a feeling. 👇🏼

When I say this, guys often think I’m criticizing their desire for women.

Not at all.

There’s a massive difference between wanting and needing someone.

Of course, when you see that beautiful brunette walking down the street, you want to chat her up. You want to know her, spend time with her, maybe even kiss her, and probably more.

This is totally natural, and expressing your desire is the best gift you can give to a woman.

But to do this right, you need to become complete first, or else you’ll just be trying to take something from her instead of sharing something with her. (See step 2)

So, when you’re learning pick up lines, the first step is to foster self-reliance.

John and I explain how to achieve this in our advanced training program. You can check it out here. 👇🏼



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Step 2: Give, Don’t Take

a funny guy at the bar talking to a group of women

As we spoke about above, you want to be sharing your desire, life, love, and passion with her. Not just trying to get something from her.

One energy is parasitic and creates fear.

The other is attractive like the sun, just shining without any need for anything in return.

Imagine this scenario:

You see a hot girl. Maybe Italian or Asian – So fucking hot. You want to talk to her, but you’re completely frozen. Afraid. Having “approach anxiety.” She’s so hot you feel immense fear that she will “reject” you. You just cannot do it.

Then, she drops her purse as she walks. She doesn’t notice. Without thinking you run over grab the purse, stop her, and give it back to her.

What just happened?

There was no “approaching.” No fear. Just an unconditional act of giving. When 2 seconds ago you were scared shitless to go talk to her (or try to pick her up). And what if she was unkind to you? Told you to go away, without taking her purse back.

Would you feel rejected? No way. You would feel like “Umm okay?” – but you would have to accept her decision.

The vibration switched from wanting to get something from her to unconditionally giving.

Yes, I know you want something from her.

  • Her phone number
  • Romance
  • Sex

But imagine if you felt so strongly about yourself. You knew you were an amazing guy (you are) who has so much to offer her. And that your desire for her was a beautiful gift to share with her, like giving her her purse back.

You could talk to women (or “pick up women”) effortlessly.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

They won’t always like you. Maybe she’ll have a BF. Maybe she just got fired and is in a real bad mood and tells you to fuck off. You are not in control of that.

All you can do is share your desire with her.

If you do the work (yes, it takes work) and can come from this energy…

  • There is no rejection.
  • No approach anxiety.

That feeling you feel when you see a girl you like and want to talk to (it’s a great feeling) – Instead of interpreting it as anxiety, it turns into excitement.

Stop treating women as “targets” or “sets.”

Stop just trying to get something from them. And start co-creating with them.

Step 3: Be Playful

Handsome guy flirting with a gorgeous woman

So I hope you’re starting to see that picking up girls does not have to be like the mainstream coaches make it out to be.

It’s extremely beautiful.

When you lose the attachment to an outcome, you don’t need to get a number or have sex to feel successful. Just smiling at a girl, eye contact or having a conversation will become so fulfilling. Moment-to-moment tantric enjoyment.

She’ll feel this, and respond to it.

But that’s not why we do it.

The pick up artist community has turned picking up girls into work. When it should be fun.

The third principle we teach is play.

The perfect example is a night out on the dance floor. Next time you’re out watch the other guys. You’ll see the hunters. Standing with their drink at their chest, watching the girls. Thinking. That was me.
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

Do they look like they are having fun?

Not only is it not fun, but it’s creepy. Girls feel it.

I remember an old buddy of mine. He was in a committed relationship, so he wasn’t out there using pick up lines on girls. His motive was simple: have a good time, mingle, and dance with everyone. And, believe it or not, by the end of the night, multiple women were vying for his attention.
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

If you can mix this kind of carefree fun with a dash of assertiveness or expressing your desire (principle 4), you’re on the right track to attract women. I get it, it’s not a walk in the park.

The rule of thumb is fun first

If you find yourself getting in your head, strategizing, thinking. Then stop, and just focus on having fun. If something happens organically, great. If not at least you had a great night.

Personally, I like to talk to girls during the day. Wherever my day takes me. The shop, cafe, the park, the gym – wherever. And at night I try to just focus on having fun with my boys and whoever we meet. Create your fun bubble and invite people in. Romance happens naturally if you use principle 6, action.
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

And play takes place during the day as well.

Enjoy yourself, self amuse and charm her socks off.

I’m not always in that state. The old programming creeps in and at first takes time to get out. But when you get there, you’ll never want to go back.

sean’s Tip:

If you are big into bars and clubs, picking up girls there can be easier than most guys make it. Check out this guide on picking up girls at a bar for help. It’s good for making deep connections or even finding a one-night stand.

Step 4: Seeing The Big Picture

man planning strategy

We’ve dug deep into quite a few things so far, right?

What I want you to understand is this: you might see two guys doing what seems to be the exact same thing. For example, strolling up to a lady in a coffee shop, striking up a conversation, and throwing in a pick up line to get her number.

Yet, here’s the game changer.

One guy might have spent his entire day, anxiously prowling around like a hunter, searching for women. He’s filled with fear, uses pick up lines as a cover-up for his neediness, and is overly dependent on how things turn out.

On the other hand, the other guy is simply having a blast. He uses his body language and words to honestly express his interest in her, and regardless of the outcome, he’ll walk away from that conversation feeling great.

Now, tell me, who do you think has a better shot at attracting the opposite sex?

I’m not implying that just by reading this, you’ll instantly become a magnet for multiple women.

Learning to use this kind of body language and approach that attracts the opposite sex naturally isn’t a quick trick, but a process that requires time and practice. That brings us to the last and crucial step.

There are 6 principles in our philosophy for learning to pick up girls. 📚

dating expert John Cooper explaining how to pick up a girl

I have only scratched the surface on a few of them. So if you want to learn them all in detail we have created a 100% free 45 minute presentation for you. It will teach you our entire philosophy on picking up girls in a more evolved manner than any other coach.

Go watch it and then come back here.

Step 5: Taking Massive Action

Guy flirting with woman at a coffee shop

If you’re looking to attract women, it’s clear as day – you’ve got to strike up a conversation with them!

Now, let’s be real. No matter whose advice you’re following, when you first dive into this, it’s gonna be tough. You might fumble your pick up lines and mess up a bit. But guess what? That’s absolutely alright!

I can recall my first attempt to chat with a girl at the mall. I was a nervous wreck and I think I might have scared her with my awkward body language and jumbled words.
Founder, CEO | Menprovement

But here’s the deal: The more you chat with women, the more you’ll improve. In the beginning, you’ll have to push yourself a bit to approach women, all while gradually getting a grip on the five steps we’ve discussed.

Give it a few weeks, say about 2-6, of continuous effort and practice with our specially designed 35+ social exercises, you’ll see how the game changes. The best bit? You won’t need to rely on cheesy pick up lines!

Pro Tip:

The key to success is in being genuine. Use your body language and words to express your interest and make her feel comfortable. Believe me, this simple, honest approach makes all the difference and is exactly what most women appreciate. It’s all about showing your emotional intelligence, an essential part of the game of attracting women.

It might look like this:

You see a girl you like in the grocery store. She’s checking out the fruit.

You walk over and say:

  • “Hey, I know this is a bit unusual – but I just saw you and I think you are absolutely gorgeous. I’m Sean.”
  • Wait for her response
  • Chit chat for a few minutes
  • “Listen I’ll let you get back to your shopping, but I would love to hang out sometime, can I have your number?”

This is a super basic (but effective) example, but over time you will become much more natural and fluid. The clip below is a perfect example of this:

It takes time and the correct practices to get to this level of ease. But it is attainable for even the most shy and unconfident guys – I promise you that.

And it will look different for everyone. We are not looking to change your personality – just to bring out the most attractive version of yourself.

If you want more support on your journey, John and I have spent over 5 years and $20,000 creating the Ultimate step by step program to turn any guy into the most attractive version of himself and learn how to pick up girls, without doing pick up.

There are over 30 HD video lessons (with live examples), a 6-week action plan (with over 35 exercises), In-ear audio coaching, a private group where you can ask questions anytime & more.

This dating program will improve your game with women drastically

Spots are limited, so check here to sign up. 👇🏼



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Either way, express your desire to as many women as you can.

It’s amazing.

And because of it I am married to my best friend. Whatever path you take to get there it is the right one. ☝️

wrapping up

To wrap it all up, guys, improving your game to attract women isn’t about cheesy a pick-up line or acting like someone you’re not. It’s about being genuine, showing confidence, and understanding to read body language.

Embrace who you are, approach women without a sense of desperation, and make honest connections. With a bit of practice and patience, you’ll find yourself effortlessly getting sexual attraction from the right kind woman.

Let’s go!

Also Read >>> How To lose Your Virginity (Easy Mode). 👉🏻👌🏻


The best way is to approach with respect and genuine interest. Use open body language, maintain eye contact, and engage in meaningful conversation. Show autonomy and emotional intelligence.

Flirting involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal cues. Use lighthearted pick-up lines, compliment her genuinely, and use open body language. Always be authentic and respectful.

Women want to be approached with sincerity and respect. They appreciate genuine compliments, interesting conversations, and signs of emotional intelligence. Remember, every woman is unique.

Step 1: Develop your autonomy. Step 2: Understand your body language speaks volumes. Step 3: Use authentic and situational pick-up lines. Step 4: Show genuine interest in her as a person. Step 5: Take action, don’t hesitate!

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Meet The Author:


Our evaluations are conducted by a group of specialists based on actual experiences before they are penned down. To learn more read our Editorial Methodology.

Several links in this piece might be affiliated, meaning we may receive a commission at no extra charge to you if you opt for a paid service. We fully support and have personally tried these products. This website is not designed to offer financial or medical guidance. For more info read our affiliate disclosure and privacy policy.

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Attraction is not really about looks – it’s about energy. And anyone can master it. 💦

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Learn them all in my latest eBook, for free.

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