how to approach a girl at a bar: a Step-by step Guide

Ever been at a bar with your eyes locked on a girl, your heart racing, and your palms sweaty, wondering if she’s as nervous as you?

Spoiler alert: She is.

We’ve all felt the sting of rejection, but hey, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, sometimes it’s just the start of something new. Ready to make your move but not sure how to approach a girl at a bar and take it from flirty chats to inviting her over?

Well, I’m not a dating coach, but I got some straight talk about the dos and don’ts of making that invitation, all from a girl who’s been on the other side.

Here’s your blueprint. 👇🏼

How to approach a girl at a bar when she’s alone

A bar is one of the best places to meet women. However, it’s a bit different when she’s alone or with friends. It’s also different than doing it during the day.

First, I am going to explain how to meet a girl when she’s not talking to her friends.

Step 1: Approach her with confidence

We totally get it. For many men, deciding how to approach women at a bar can be a nightmare But trust us, we often want you to take that step. After all, we’ve put effort into looking our best and wouldn’t mind some genuine attention.

Approach us with true interest, you might be surprised by the positive response. If you need help with this, join Menprovement X where we teach you EXACTLY how to do this and give you personal coaching. 👇🏼

Step 2: Maintain steady eye contact

Eye contact is essential when trying to gauge our interest. Before making your move, maintain eye contact a couple of times to test the waters.

If we return the gaze, that’s your green light. Remember, holding steady eye contact shows confidence, something key if you want to attract women

Step 3: Use a genuine smile

Nothing says you’re genuinely interested more than a heartfelt smile. When combined with eye contact, it’s a winning combination. If we reciprocate with a smile of our own, it’s a signal that we’re possibly interested too.

Step 4: Observe her body language

Body language speaks volumes. If she’s leaning in, playing with her hair, or uncrossing her arms, these might indicate she’s hanging on every word. On the contrary, a closed-off posture might be a sign to change tactics or topics.

Step 5: Start talking with an easy opener

You don’t need a rehearsed line to start talking. Just asking how her evening is going or commenting on the bar’s vibe is an easy way in. It’s less about the words and more about showing you’re genuinely interested in what we have to say.

Step 6: Offer a drink as a gesture

After some pleasant conversation, why not offer to buy us a drink? It’s a nice gesture that can extend the interaction. However, always ensure you ask what drink we’d prefer. And if we decline? No worries, it doesn’t mean the end of our chat.

Step 7: Dive deeper into shared interests

This step is all about bonding. If you find common ground, whether it’s a shared love for a band, movie, or hobby, it makes the conversation more engaging.

It’s these shared interests that can shift a casual bar conversation into a deeper connection. Always remember, the key to attracting women is genuine interest and authenticity.

How to approach a girl at the bar when she’s with friends

Step 1: accept that she’s with a Group

Here’s a secret:

Most guys get it wrong by zeroing in on just one girl in a group. If I’m out with my friends and a guy wants to approach me, he should first introduce himself to everyone. Treating all of us equally, regardless of our interests, goes a long way.

Maintain good eye contact, especially with the one you find attractive, but don’t stare. For instance, you might say,

“Hey, how’s everyone’s night going?”

This approach sets a friendly tone, signaling you’re genuinely interested in our group as a whole.

Step 2: Engage in Light-hearted Conversation

Starting off with a fun debate or question helps break the ice.

“Settle a debate between my friend and me: is the new pop album better than the classics?”

Not only does this approach get everyone talking, but it also gives a hint about your interests. It also reveals which of us is open to engaging in conversation, which can be a great opener for someone who’s a bit nervous to approach women.

Step 3: Show Genuine Interest

While it’s essential to keep the group engaged, don’t forget the girl you’re genuinely interested in. Remember, attracting women is not just about compliments; it’s about genuine gestures. So, make eye contact with her specifically and offer authentic compliments.

If there’s a break in the group conversation, that’s your chance to chat with her individually.

Step 4: Offer to Buy Drinks but don’t isolate her

Being the gentleman who offers to buy drinks for the group can score points, but if you’re short on cash, don’t do it.

If you’re eyeing one girl, never make the mistake of ignoring her friends. If you ignore her friends and focus too much on a girl there is a good chance you will get cock blocked.

Step 5: Transition to a Private Conversation

By this point, if you’ve played your cards right, she’ll want to know more about you too. If the group breaks into smaller conversations or there’s a quiet moment, it’s an opportunity. Perhaps mention something like,

“I noticed you laughing when this song came on, are you secretly a band name fangirl?”

I like this one because it is very playful.

The aim is to strike a balance: show her you’re attracted and interested, but also that you respect the fact she’s hanging with her friends.

The do’s and don’ts of approaching a girl at the bar

Don’t: buy a drink and approach her with it ❌

Sit at the bar with her and buy your drinks where she can see them made and given straight to you. Some women may think you are trying to “roofie” or drug them.

Attractive women, typically being the victim of this, are usually more aware of it than men are, therefore we think about it while out, when you may not; but now that you know, you can also be aware and plan accordingly.

Do: be casual when asking her home ✅

using cliché pickup lines is sleazy and no girl will be swooped away by it. 

If you are at the point in the night where you feel comfortable asking her home and having sex with her, you should be able to ask her home casually, without sounding like a creep. A simple,

“Hey, ya wanna head back to my place for coffee or a drink?”

Should do the trick.

Cheesy pickup lines such as “Somebody better call God ‘cause he’s missing an angel” or “hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?” are ridiculous. You are a grown-up, act like one.

Don’t: ask her back to your place after an hour or two ❌

Asking a girl home too soon just looks sleazy. It makes it seem like you do this all the time and you are so cocky as to think she will come home and give it up that quick. It is just an all-around bad idea.

You want her to know you respect her so she respects you in return. Do not treat her like a piece of meat. Make sure you have at least taken her out on a first date, dinner and a movie for example followed by asking her to coffee or a nightcap at your place.

Do: treat your server well ✅

If you plan to get in her pants, I strongly suggest that you pay the bill. It is a courteous gesture and will get you the points you want to get lucky.

It also shows her that you do have money and probably a job, signally stability, which is always a turn-on. Paying the bill will show her just want you to want to without being blatant about it.

Don’t: flash your cash ❌

When the time comes to pay the bill, do not flash your cash around. As much as money rules the world, we do not find it impressive when men flaunt their cash. Actually, it is a down right turn-off.

Actually, don’t flash at all. We don’t care about how much you can bench press at the gym or how much money you are making.

Do: make sure your place is clean ✅

Make sure there are minimal to no dishes in the sink and absolutely no dishes and cups scattered throughout the house; clothing, dirty and clean, should be in their proper places.

This means the hamper or drawers, not the floor or under the bed, and shoved in the closet.

Don’t: offer a drink at your place while not having drinks ❌

A few simple drinks will be sufficient; having some beer is also a good option. The object is not getting her inebriated; it is to get her undressed.

Do: be prepared for overnight company ✅

Make sure your roommates know you will have a guest if you have them, and make sure they are okay with it.

If you plan to have her stay over, have a clean bathroom for one; no hair all over or piss stains on the underneath of the toilet, make it clean.

You know what your mother would ask for, do that. Have clean towels, an extra, and a new toothbrush, you can find them at the dollar store and make sure there is actually shampoo and conditioner in the shower for her. Do not do the typical guy-hair-and-body-wash thing.

Don’t: come unprepared (Pun intended) ❌

Make sure there are condoms at the ready. Do not rely on her to bring protection; odds are she will not.

If you think you are going to get lucky, then be prepared for it. You do not want to be ready to get it in and find out that neither one of you has a condom.

A girl who says this is sleazy and you run the risk of contracting something that is preventable; a child, not to mention all the communicable diseases.

Yuck!

Do not trust her; send her on her merry way. This may take the fun out of the whole thing, but it is a real concern and something you should keep in the forefront of your mind. You will regret it one day if you do not.

Do: take no for an answer ✅

No, means no and if she does not really want to go home with you, why would you waste your time?

She does have the right to say she does not want to go home with you, remember that and respect it. If she opts out, that does not mean she will not opt-in later.

Give her your number instead and ask if she would give you hers so you can call her for another night out. If she also opts out to extend her phone number, while only taking yours, it is a sign to move to the next girl; she is clearly not interested and you should not waste your time.

Don’t: leave her stranded ❌

If you took a cab back to your place, she does not have transportation and it would be nice if you paid for her cab home if she is not staying the night. On the other hand, if you would like her to leave shortly after, make sure she knows this upfront and before she comes over.

If you do plan for her to spend the night, be prepared she may not leave immediately in the morning. This means you do not kick her out before the sun comes up; that is not spending the night. This means that you should also let other people who live with you know someone may be staying over and find out if they are okay with it.

Exception

Once home, when you are starting to get frisky, you find there is not really the chemistry you thought there would be, or she’s not as experienced as you would like or whatever reason you may find, it is okay to politely ask her to leave.

You could look at the clock and comment on how late it is getting and you have work or plans for early in the morning. If you do not plan to call her again then it does not really matter if you are obvious in your asking. Whatever your reasoning is, if you do ask her to leave prematurely then you are paying her cab fare home.

It is only proper to do so because then you are not a complete jerk leaving her high and dry.

My final words

There are so many different girls out there that I cannot tell you the exact line to say.

What I gave you here are the do’s and don’ts of asking a girl home. It’s simple, as I said; “do you want to head back to my place for coffee or a drink?” should really be all you need to get her home; if she wants to go with you that is.

The real key to all of this is realizing when you are wasting your time. Asking her back to your place for coffee and a drink is as obvious as it comes in asking someone to come home and fuck you. If she does not respond to this gesture, maybe it is time for you to move on down the line.

With these simple tips, it should be easy to come up with a way to ask her home that fits your exact situation.

Happy dating.