Friday, December 3, 2021

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The Do’s and Don’ts of Approaching a Girl at a Bar (From Her)

Approaching a girl at a bar can be a nerve-raking ordeal, if you do not come to some quick realizations.

1) We are just as nervous as you are.

Being a female, I know what it is like to ask a guy out and to be asked out and hit on. We worry about rejection just like you and we hope you are going to ask us out so we do not have to do it.

2) Rejection is not a big deal.

It is better to be rejected than waste your time on someone who is not really into you. Rejection does not have to be a bad thing; it really does open up other opportunities, as cliché as it is. There will always be another girl out there, I promise.

So, you have spied a girl, been talking/flirting and having fun, but how do you take that step into asking her to come back to your place? Below are the Do’s and Don’ts of getting her home.

Do: Approach her

Lets be honest. Approaching a girl at a bar is a nightmare for some men, and we know it. But understand that most of the time, we want you to approach us. We didn’t spend two hours getting ready to be ignored all night.

If you are interested in us, come say hello. Worse thing that happens is were not interested. But, if you catch our eye, the chance is we are.

Don’t: buy a drink beforehand and approach her with it.

Sit at the bar with her and buy your drinks where she can see them made and given straight to you. Some women may think you are trying to “roofie” or drug them.

As crazy and out there as this may seem to you and me, it is a legitimate problem in the club/bar scene and happens more often than you may think.

Women, typically being the victim of this, are usually more aware of it than men are, therefore we think about it while out, when you may not; but now that you know, you can also be aware and plan accordingly.

Do: be casual when asking her home; using cliché pickup lines is sleazy and no girl will be swooped away by it. 

If you are at the point in the night where you feel comfortable asking her home and having sex with her, you should be able to ask her home casually, without sounding like a creep. A simple, “Hey, ya wanna head back to my place for coffee or a drink?” should do the trick.

Cheesy pickup lines such as “Somebody better call God ‘cause he’s missing an angel” or “hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?” are ridiculous. You are a grown up, act like one.

Don’t: meet a girl and ask her back to your place after only an hour or two.

Asking a girl home too soon just looks sleazy. It makes it seem like you do this all the time and you are so cocky as to think she will come home and give it up that quick. It is just an all-around bad idea.

You want her to know you respect her so she respects you in return. Do not treat her like a piece of meat. Make sure you have at least taken her out on a first date, dinner and a movie for example followed by asking her to coffee or a nightcap at your place.

An exception: Maybe you have been dancing all night, it is heating up between you on the dance floor and you are getting all touchy feely; this is the ideal time to ask her home.  

Do: treat your server well

If you plan to get in her pants, I strongly suggest that you pay the bill. It is a courteous gesture and will get you the points you want to get lucky. It also shows her that you do have money and probably a job, signally stability, which is always a turn on. Paying the bill will show her just want you want to without being blatant about it.

Don’t: flash your cash

When the time comes to pay the bill, do not flash your cash around. As much as money rules the world, we do not find it impressive when men flaunt their cash. Actually it is a down right turn off.

Do: make sure your place is clean and suitable for company, woman company. 

Make sure there are minimal to no dishes in the sink and absolutely no dishes and cups scattered throughout the house; clothing, dirty and clean, should be in their proper places. This means the hamper or drawers, not the floor or under the bed and shoved in the closet.

Don’t: ask her back with the line that includes the promise of a nightcap, coffee or some sort of food and not have it to serve.

This site has a great article with simple drinks and their components, so you can have a neat selection of nightcaps to wow her as well. READ IT!

A few simple drinks will be sufficient; having some beer is also a good option. The object is not getting her inebriated; it is to get her undressed.

Do: be prepared for overnight company.

Make sure your room mates know you will have a guest, if you have them and make sure they are okay with it.

If you plan to have her stay over, have a clean bathroom for one; no hair all over or piss stains on the underneath of the toilet, make it clean. You know what your mother would ask for, do that. Have clean towels, an extra and new toothbrush, you can find them at the dollar store and make sure there is actually shampoo and conditioner in the shower for her. Do not do the typical guy-hair-and-body-wash thing.

Also, do not make it shampoo and conditioner for women because you do not want her to think you have girls over every night of the week, even if you do. You want to make her feel comfortable, but not too comfortable.

Don’t: come unprepared. Pun intended. 

Make sure there are condoms at the ready. Do not rely on her to bring protection; odds are she will not.

If you think you are going to get lucky, then be prepared for it. You do not want to be ready to get it in and find out neither one of you has a condom.

Do not listen to her if she says she is on birth control. A girl who says this is sleezy and you run the risk of contracting something that is preventable; a child, not to mention all the communicable diseases. Yuck! Do not trust her; send her on her merry way. This may take the fun out of the whole thing, but it is a real concern and something you should keep in the forefront of your mind. You will regret it one day if you do not.

Do: take no for an answer

No, means no and if she does not really want to go home with you, why would you waste your time?

She does have the right to say she does not want to go home with you, remember that and respect it. If she opts out, that does not mean she will not opt in later. Give her your number instead and ask if she would give you hers so you can call her for another night out. If she also opts out to extending her phone number, while only taking yours, it is a sign to move to the next girl; she is clearly not interested and you should not waste your time.

Don’t: leave her stranded.

If you took a cab back to your place, she does not have transportation and it would be nice if you paid for her cab home if she is not staying the night. On the other hand, if you would like her to leave shortly after, make sure she knows this upfront and before she comes over.

If you do plan for her to spend the night, be prepared she may not leave immediately in the morning. This means you do not kick her out before the sun comes up; that is not spending the night. This means that you should also let other people who live with you know someone may be staying over and find out if they are okay with it.

Exception: once home, when you are starting to get frisky, you find there is not really the chemistry you thought there would be, or she’s not as experienced as you would like or whatever reason you may find, it is okay to politely ask her to leave. You could look at the clock and comment on how late it is getting and you have work or plans for early in the morning. If you do not plan to call her again then it does not really matter if you are obvious in your asking. Whatever your reasoning is, if you do ask her to leave prematurely then you are paying her cab fare home. It is only proper to do so because then you are not a complete jerk leaving her high and dry.


There are so many different girls out there and that I cannot tell you exact line to say.

What I gave you here are the do’s and don’ts of asking a girl home. It’s simple, as I said; “do you want to head back to my place for coffee or a drink?” should really be all you need to get her home; if she wants to go with you that is.

The real key to all of this is realizing when you are wasting your time. Asking her back to your place for coffee and a drink is as obvious as it comes in asking someone to come home and fuck you. If she does not respond to this gesture, maybe it is time for you to move on down the line.

With these simple tips, it should be easy coming up with a way to ask her home that fits your exact situation.

Happy dating,

– Jane Vineyard

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