The Biggest Missing Ingredient in Modern Dating Advice

The Biggest Missing Ingredient in Modern Dating Advice

The Biggest Missing Ingredient in Modern Dating Advice

Emotional Intelligence

I want to share with you something I’ve learnt over the years, which has really helped me with socializing and tuning in with the women I meet.

This to me is the biggest missing ingredient from modern dating advice and especially the seduction industry advice and that is Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence: The Missing Ingredient

When it comes to us guys, all we need is to see is beauty and our minds our made up. When it comes to women, things are different.

I’m talking in general terms here, but If you had a room full of 100 single men and the most stunning girl in the world walked in, 95% of those men would decide there and then they would sleep with her.

Alternatively, if you had 100 women in a room and an equally aesthetic man walked in, only 5% of those women would decide to sleep with him there and then.

You could also put it like this: when us guys see women, we pretty much say “Yes or No”.

When a woman sees a man she says “No or Maybe”. That’s because we have very different imperatives. We require something totally different from the get-go. As men we just generally need to find something attractive with our eyes. Women on the other hand, are only half sold on first glance of a man.

As men we just need to feel attraction but women need to first feel TRUST.

Women have a layer of vigilance that they carry around protecting them from possible male threats. As men, because we don’t have to worry about being overpowered by women, we don’t have this layer of vigilance so much, especially in social environments.

So, emotional intelligence is your ability to be aware of all of this. How a woman is feeling, how safe she feels and showing that level of maturity to help navigate her to a place where she can open to you fully without any pressure or force and through her own volition.

For this to happen you have to have a clear awareness on her emotions, and how she’s feeling in this moment. It’s also your ability to notice and be aware of the subtle clues in the environment, the social dynamics, who she’s with, what’s going on for her, her mood, if she’s feeling sad, lonely, bored, if she’s feeling intimidated, scared, anxious.

Girl Types

You’re emotional intelligence is also about adjusting to different girl types. Let’s say she looks shy and insecure and you stop her in your one-size-fits-all, overly-secure and confident way – this will only have the effect of intimidating her.

Conversely, let’s say she is a buxom blonde with bright red lipstick, and she’s wearing a black leather jacket and trotting down the street like John Travolta. In a tame and wishy-washy way, you try and stop her–she is likely to power straight past you.

You can get a read on a girl based upon their look, their make-up, their style, the way they carry themselves. Even the way they do their nails and shake your hand.

You can use all this as a read to know, how to tune into their energy. It may even give you a read as to who not to talk to. For instance if I see a girl with blue-hair I tend to avoid them as they’re usually feminazi-types!

You can also use your emotional intelligence to guess where she’s from, what she’s about:

“You look Swedish”.

“I can tell you’re a dancer”.

“You look like you work in fashion”.

Notice how in PUA, they would extrapolate EQ and surface copy this principle and turn it into ‘The Assumption Stacking’ technique.

As always, this understanding of a woman, is not done for its own sake but an arbritary technique and rung on The Strategy Ladder.

The Art of Discretion

Your Emotional Intelligence is also about being aware of the environment you’re in. Is it a high energy, sociable venue, or is it a place where there’s lots of people but there is no social context to interact, such as on public transport. Is she walking down a busy high street, or is she walking down a narrow alley? What if it’s dark? A girl may even be more responsive interacting on one part of the street but not on another part, just 20m apart…

For instance you may stop a girl flamboyantly outside a shop. To you it’s no big deal, you stop girls anywhere, you’re a PUA, that’s what you do, right? But because you had no Emotional Intelligence, you failed to realise she works there and just arrived for her shift, and is trying not to be seen being hit on in front of all her workmates, who she now has to work with for the next 8 hours.

Or lets say a girl is walking through a Plaza Square, with people all sat on benches looking inwards. You do your bubble-gum PUA approach of jumping in front of her, right bang in the middle of the square, as that’s what you were taught you should always do, ALL the time. And now everyone is now watching this as if it’s a street performance, worthy of a few coins in the hat!

Or perhaps you’re on the dancefloor of a club and things are going really well with a girl you’re dancing with. The untrained PUA will ‘number close’ her, pull their phone out and hand it to her and now there’s this big blue light illuminating her face on the middle of the dancefloor.

In all 3 examples you have not used any EQ to cultivate the art of discretion. You have put these girls on show for the world to see, you ‘picking-her-up’. She now feels JUDGED by the people around her and is likely to act closed and awkward around you.

Body Language

Emotional intelligence is also the ability to understand body language, her emotional clues and what’s going on in the immediate environment and therefore be able to be more socially aware and adjust our energy and behaviour accordingly.

What if she’s pacing quickly down the street and looks in a hurry. How would that adjust how you make the first step to interact with her?

Say, she is walking around slowly in town and looking up a lot. To the untrained PUA, he will stop her and just work through his script as per usual. But you, the emotionally intelligent Social Artist, you will be aware that she is likely to be a tourist visiting for the first time (as locals keep their heads down more and tourists are usually scoping out the buildings). From this, you may choose to form your initial comment: “I can tell, you’re new in town” or “Welcome to London!”


It’s 4:10pm and there is a girl stood outside the train station, looking anxiously from side to side.

To the untrained PUA he won’t notice this, and just storm straight in, and head on, and run through his script.

You, the emotionally intelligent Social Artist, will realise that it’s likely she’s waiting for a friend and they’re late which is making her feel edgy (because most people wait on the hour and outside a main landmark or station for friends).

From this, you may choose to form your initial comment: “I hate friends that aren’t on time!” and just throw it out there to test the water, whilst walking past. And if she smiles, keep going. And If she ignores you, you can keep walking.

Now say it’s 8:10pm and a girl is stood outside the station dressed to the nines looking around anxiously. There’s now a good chance she’s waiting for her date to arrive, as 8pm is a usual date time. And he’s likely be there any second.

“If he’s 5 minutes longer, I’ll date you!” I might say jokingly as I walk past.

It doesn’t matter if I’m right or wrong. I throw it out unconditionally. I then gauge her response. If she’s closed off to me, it’s not because I’m not running ‘tight game!’ The chances are she just doesn’t want to be seen talking to a guy just as her date arrives. I can then just stroll on.

To the untrained PUA, he won’t consider any of this. He’ll be focused on bludgeoning her with his arsenal of pick up techniques, in his Work-Frame, working his way up the acquisition ladder.

Emotional intelligence is your ability to tune into a girl and know when she’s showing signs she’s interested in you, as opposed to when she’s bored and looking for an exit. (she’ll uncross her feet, point her feet in the direction she wants to go, or make lateral head movements).

EQ is the ability to “chameleone” to the energy of people and the energy of the environment. I show video examples of this in the Ultimate Dating Program, where I talk to a girl in a park and compare to how I talk to a girl in a noisy bar/club. PUA’s often stress out about what to say to a girl as an ‘opener’, and forget that through the principle of Emotional Intelligence, you always have something relevant to say, to initiate an interaction with a woman you just meet, based upon her body language, her mood or what’s going on for her in that moment. Be creative with it too!

Radical Honesty is NOT the Finished Article

We might have heard in personal development advice: just be honest just be authentic, that’s all you need – ‘Radical honesty’. Well, that’s not the finished article because let’s say you’re watching a theatre show and you’re sat on the front row and the actress is at the front of the stage and you were taught just to be radically honest and authentic so you shout: “Hey, I really want to fuck you!”

Suddenly she freezes up, the audience gasp, and the security come down and throw you out. You‘ve messed up the entire show – the actress is now stumbling through her lines and you’re wondering when you’re stood outside in the cold, “I thought I just had to be honest and authentic?”

You have to be able to temper what you say and fine-tune to your environment. You’re not going to be able to say the same thing to a girl on her own as you would, let’s say if she was with her mum.

Likewise, you wouldn’t say the same thing to a girl who is on the tube, during rush hour as you would in a noisy pub. Sometimes, get this guys: you’re going to have to let some girls go. Shock horror!

Your emotional intelligence is about being aware of who they’re with – are they with a friend? Family member? Are they in a group? Is it a mixed group? Are they friends from work? How does this affect the way you interact?

Ultimately, emotional intelligence is something you have to cultivate yourself. I’m going to be giving you plenty of exercises for you to sharpen this awareness. You can then use this skill to go deeper conversationally, romantically or sexually.

This is when you start becoming a master of the social world.

If you want to learn more about Emotional Intelligence and also tuning into women I have put together 30+ HD videos on this and dating in general and put together an academy – The Ultimate Dating Program.

Also on my next email, I’ll be offering out a free 20 min coaching call to all of you who want to kick start their summer of fun.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and check out some more articles you may like to continue your self improvement journey!

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