I find that one of the most common questions I get from my students is how to approach a girl at the gym, and I get it.
Girls look amazing at the gym! I mean come on..
BUT, it is one of the hardest places to talk to a girl.
While there is no better place to meet women than during the day, approaching girls at the gym is tricky because you don’t want to be that creep at the gym bothering every body and if it doesn’t go well, you have to see her there every day!
But it can be done, and both of these things can be avoided. In this article I will teach you how to approach a girl at the gym without being creepy or having to worry about her saying no and having an awkward situation seeing her day after day. Ready? Let’s go.
- If you master the 3 principles of attraction, you can easily approach any girl at the gym without it being weird or creepy.
- Girls don’t mind being approached at the gym, we asked them to prove it.
- There are many approaches that you can take but what’s most important is the energy that you embody during these approaches.
How to Approach a Girl at The Gym
Alright so to teach you how to approach a girl at the gym, were going to attack this at 2 angles.
- First, I am going to give my advice as a male dating coach
- Then, a female gym goer will give her advice based on experience
By the end of this article you’re going to be a pro.
Part One: Advice From a Male Dating Coach
Okay, before we delve into the dos and don’ts from a female perspective, I will share my perspective as a dating coach and a gym-goer for over 10 years on how to approach girls at the gym.
Now, like all of you reading this, I see girls at the gym almost every day, whom I’d love to be with. However, approaching a girl at the gym requires a different strategy and mindset than other situations.
When you see a girl on the street, she’s walking down the sidewalk in that short summer dress with cinnamon skin and long flowing brown hair – and you want to go talk to her – you know that if you don’t, you may never see her again. This finality allows you to be much more direct and open because if it doesn’t work out, or she takes offense to your advances, you likely won’t cross paths for at least a few months, in which case it will be a thing of the past.
But when you approach a girl at the gym, there’s a very high chance that you’re going to see her the next day, and the next, and the next. So, there’s absolutely no need to rush or be overly direct or, as they say, burn your bridges.
To be successful in approaching a girl at the gym, or indeed anywhere, you need to approach from the right energetic vibration.
What I mean by this is that you absolutely must not be that creepy pickup artist who pretends to use the bicep curl machine just to be near her, lingering around her, constantly staring at her, and essentially being super needy.
Yet, 99% of dating coaches teach what all pickup artists do, which is to train men to be needy guys that use techniques to hide that neediness, aiming to get the girl’s number.
You can follow this advice, but I don’t recommend it.
What I recommend instead is that you adopt the six energetic principles of attraction that we teach at Menprovement.
These are essential when considering how to approach a girl at the gym.
Step 1: Maintain Autonomy
Listen, bro, you’re at the gym to work out. You’re on a mission. Your number one priority is to get swole. If you see a pretty girl that catches your eye, great, but at no point should she become your top priority. At no point should you be wandering around the gym plotting how to talk to her, hovering around her, basing your entire existence in that moment on her.
You need to remember that you are 100% fulfilled in that moment without her because your primary purpose, your autonomy, is your workout.
So, if at any point you try to go talk to her, say what’s up, and she’s not into it, you’ve lost absolutely nothing. You can just smile, joke around with her, and return to your workout. No big deal.
Step 2: Be Relaxed and Have Fun!
The principle of play is absolutely essential at the gym. Play means that you’re not in any serious hunting or working mode; while approaching her, you’re simply having fun and being self-entertaining.
Listen, you’re going to see this girl every day, possibly for the rest of the year, so the last thing you want to do is make it awkward or burn your bridges. The more nonchalant you can be while approaching a girl at the gym, the better.
It shows that you’re into her, but you don’t really care if she’s into you or not. Either way, you’re going to return to your workout and continue being the boss you are.
This is attractive. This is extremely attractive energetic behavior and it’s why girls are so into bad boys. I’ll tell you what to say later, but for now, let’s move on.
Step 3: Use Your Emotional Intelligence
When approaching a girl at the gym, it’s essential to understand that she’s there to work out, not to fend off advances from every interested guy.
That doesn’t mean you can’t go and talk to her; it just signifies that you need to demonstrate some level of emotional intelligence, showing her that you’re not an obtuse individual.
To start, avoid turning the interaction into a spectacle. She’s unlikely to provide you her number if she realizes everyone in the gym can witness her being pursued. So, refrain from doing it in the middle of a bustling gym floor, where everyone can see her and immediately decipher what’s happening.
Aim to engage her in your intimate bubble. Make it seem like a friendly chat, which frequently occurs at the gym.
And don’t approach her when she’s in the middle of an intense workout. If she’s engrossed in her routine, she doesn’t want to have to remove her headphones and take a five-minute break to converse because you’ve initiated it.
If you wait until after her workout, or if you happen to encounter her in the parking lot, you could say something like:
“Hey, I noticed you working out today. I know you don’t come to the gym to be hit on, so I’ve never approached you, but now that I’ve run into you out here, I wanted to introduce myself. I think you’re beautiful. My name is Sean.”
Demonstrating your emotional intelligence in this way will go a long way in convincing her that you’re a man who has his life in order, someone she might genuinely want to spend time with, and worth investing her time in.
These are the initial three principles to keep in mind when learning how to approach a girl at the gym. But there are more..
There are three more principles of attraction you need to comprehend to become proficient in seduction, but they are not 100% necessary to get started. If you’re eager to learn them all, check out a program on Bedroom Annex called “The Ultimate Dating Program”. In this program, you’ll learn everything you need to know about approaching women in every situation through 35 HD video lessons.
What to Say:
Honestly, as with anytime you talk to a woman during the day – it doesn’t matter what you say. It’s how you say it. Cliché, but true.
But, here are some options.
Option 1: Be straight to the point
The first option is to just be a free-flowing, sexual guy who nonchalantly expresses desire for women without making it weird. But to do this you really have to work at it to the point where you are in the moment all the time and when you find yourself next to her you can just catch her eye and throw a “hey what’s up” at her while doing a few curls.
But this takes confidence and while it’s definitely attainable, most guys aren’t there yet.
Option 2: Just Say Whatever is True
Just as you would talking to a girl at Starbucks or on the street, all you have to do is express your truth. That’s all you can control, and if you do – you’ve done well.
It doesn’t matter how nervous you are, because the more nervous the more sincere.
Her: She just finishes her set on the glutes machine
You: Walk over to her and say “hey, I don’t want to stop you in the middle of your workout – but I’ve seen you here a few times and I just have to tell you that you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life. My name is Sean.”
Two things will happen now:
- You will make her day, and make her feel really good
- You will start talking
You can just chat for a bit and then say I’ll see you around (see below) or you can ask her if she wants to hang out tonight. If not, no worries. Just tell her it was nice to meet her and you look forward to seeing her around.
- Make sure she doesn’t look focused or busy
- Use your emotional intelligence
- Don’t try to get anything, just express your desire without any attachment to an outcome
Like she says..
Option 3: Play the long game
There’s no rush here. The best thing you can do is to try to gain small momentum with her over time, slowly becoming a part of her experience at the gym – a guy who she knows and feels comfortable with. And it doesn’t take extreme confidence to do so.
This can happen naturally over time as you’re working out in the same area. You can give her a friendly “hey, how are you?” as you cross paths to grab a dumbbell.
This first connection is crucial and has to happen at some point, but it doesn’t need to be forced. All you have to do is transition from being a complete stranger to someone with whom she has connected, whether it’s a simple remark about something annoying at the gym or a comment on her workout.
Then, the next time you see her, instead of just walking right by each other like neither of you exist, you can make eye contact and say “hey” with a smile.
See if you actually like her as a person and are not just sexually attracted to her yoga pants.
Having this mindset of qualification is attractive because it means you’re not a needy guy and yeah, she’s super hot, but so are a million other women. You actually want to create a dialogue with her and get to know her before you express how you feel about her and ask her out on a date.
When you do ask her out on a date, you have to be subtle and ready for the possibility that she has a boyfriend or isn’t interested, and do it in a way that won’t be awkward, and you won’t have to avoid each other or change the time you go to the gym forever.
“Hey, I don’t mean to be forward and I totally understand if you have a boyfriend or something, but I enjoy talking to you here. I was wondering if I could get your number and maybe we could hang out sometime.”
If she says yes, then great. Get her number and keep the friendly conversation going for the remainder of the workout. Then, maybe you can text her later when you get home about how sore you are.
If she says no, then use your emotional intelligence and say:
“Hey, totally cool. You know I just had to ask, but I’m happy just to be friends and see you here every once in a while, so really, no problem at all.”
Part Two: Advice From a Female Gym Goer
Ok guys, I love Sean’s advice but as a female athlete I get hit on at the gym a lot and I have some advice for you when approaching a girl at the gym.
She may look good getting her workout on – sweat gleaming, hair tossed, breathing heavily – but you don’t want to approach her without a solid plan.
Because we women are a touch creeped out by guys hitting on us while we’re focused on exercise, I have laid out some do’s and don’ts for speaking to women while at the gym as my girl here touches on below..
1: Do Watch
I’m not saying watch her in the Peeping Tom sense. Just keep an eye on her when you’re both at the gym.
What machine does she use the most? Does she have a routine she uses every time she works out? What show does she watch while cycling? These details will all be important when the time comes to approach her. You’ll need things to talk about…
2: Don’t Stare
Let me be specific. Standing around drooling over the object of your affection is NOT the right thing to do. Continue your workout, but do your best to glance at her from time to time. And try not to linger on any part of her anatomy for too long.
For example, you don’t want her to catch you staring at her breasts for a prolonged amount of time. If you do happen to catch eyes with her, smile quickly and get back to your workout. No big toothy sex offender grins. A simple, sweet smile will do.
3: Do Strike Up A Convo
Now that you have an idea of what her focus is at the gym, it should be easy for you to start a conversation with her.
Start with something gym specific like “The new exercise bikes here are great, don’t you think?” or “Have you seen those awesome vegan-friendly fat burners at the reception?.” If you’re both on treadmills watching a program on television, try laughing with her when things are funny and commenting on the story or characters. Anything to get her talking and agreeing with you is good.
4: Don’t Zero In On Her Body
Yes, you’ve been paying attention to her workout. But the last thing you want to do is let her know you’ve been watching how many squats she’s doing.
Never comment on her body parts specifically. Telling her that her legs are looking better these days might sound like a compliment in your head, but I assure you she won’t take it that way.
Perhaps later in your relationship, you can feel free to let her know the definition in her arms is super sexy, but it shouldn’t be part of your first conversations.
5: Do Take Your Time
Try not to go straight in for the kill when asking a girl out at the gym. Even if you’re in a hurry thinking that you may never be at the gym at the same time again, you most likely have thirty minutes to an hour to get a plan together that doesn’t involve sneaking up on her and telling her she looks pretty.
If you must make a move on day one, catch her at the end of her workout and offer her a towel, then strike up a conversation. Mention you had a good workout and that you’re thinking of hitting the juice bar next door. Ask if she’d like to join you.
6: Don’t Hit On Everyone
Sure, you should be open to meeting new people while you’re at the gym. Be nice and take interest in everyone you have the chance to talk to. But there is a difference between being cordial and being ‘that guy’ at the gym that no girl wants to be caught taking a water break with for fear of a cheesy pickup line.
Find a happy balance. Give yourself some options, but don’t run after everything with a sports bra.
While everyone around you is holding true to their resolution to tone up, follow these tips to become the man at the gym that the ladies actually enjoying working out next to. Find yourself more than just a pretty spotter.
Good luck out there. Let me know how it goes!
Final Recap: My Advice For Approaching a Girl at The Gym
Those are some great tips from Christine. I’ve done a little summary of what she’s said below to create a little action plan next time you see a girl who you cannot go without on the leg press.
1) Be patient. It’s best to wait for a few gym sessions to approach her. It will seem less creepy after you two have crossed paths, maybe caught eyes a few times in the past week. Even better, maybe you have had a few harmless words with her a few times before you go in for the kill. This will make things a lot easier when you ask her out.
2) It’s okay to check her out, but don’t stare. I think getting caught giving her a look can be beneficial to you. If she catches you giving her a look, just give her a small smile and do everything in your power not to turn away at warp speed.
I would personally try to catch eyes with her before approaching. If you do it right, a slow smile can be extremely charming.
3) When you finally do approach her, start talking about a gym related subject. Don’t start off with a hey baby come here often style pickup line. You’re at the gym, and you need to make it seem as if you’re not trying to pick her up, just making conversation.
Something like Christine mentioned is great or try some of the following:
a) Help a girl out if you see her struggling with weights
b) Don’t be afraid to ask her for advice if she looks like she knows what she’s doing
4) Enjoy yourself and be confident. Don’t worry too much if she declines your request for a date. You weren’t a creep and will probably keep a normal friendly relationship with her while you both are attending the same gym. And who knows, she may even warm up to you in time.
Additional Tips When Talking to Girls at The Gym:
1) Wear something flattering. Don’t roll up to a pretty girl in nice fitting yoga pants wearing dirty sweats and an oversized T-Shirt. Wear something that accentuates your body type. But don’t overdo it and look like your trying too hard. Try some of these:
2) If you’re giving her advice, don’t act like a gym know it. Keep it friendly and sincere.
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