“When presented with a situation that requires action, the best thing to do is the right thing. The second best thing to do is something. The worst thing to do is nothing.” – Teddy Roosevelt.
Teddy was a badass. Research his life – it’s a fact.
Nowadays – one of those “Situations that require action” is that moment when you’re hanging out at the club and you spot the woman of dreams. So you have to do something. It would be cool to do the right thing. And sadly, most men I talk with end up doing nothing at all.
If you’ve ever asked yourself “how to start a conversation with a girl?” Here is your answer: Almost EVERY man I talk to about picking up women always says the same thing.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“How do I start a conversation with her?”
And any manner of things that boils down to freezing up due to lack of preparation or abundance of fear.
Having something in mind – okay, having something memorized – isn’t a bad idea. It doesn’t mean you’re a fake and a pickup artist – it just means you are implementing that Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared.
While you’ve probably heard tons of clunkers for “pick up lines” and may have even tried some awful ones – I’m only going to focus on some of the best conversation starters I’ve come across in my years of experience in meeting women.
Let’s first dive into what “openers” are and what makes a good one, then we’ll talk about some of my favorites.
PUA Opener – Definition
PUA = Pick Up Artist.
Opener = First words you say to engage a woman in an interesting conversation.
For a complete list of the BEST tried and tested conversation starters I’ve ever come across, and how to use them correctly, download and listen to my 3-hour audio program. Complete Conversation Technique.
Why is a Good Opener different from pick-up lines?
When you think of pick-up lines you probably think of some cheesy line like “What’s your sign?” Or “Did it hurt? …. Falling from Heaven.” While the classic “pick up lines” seem like they’re designed to attract women – they actually do the opposite: Send them heading for the hills. They’ve heard them all.
On the other hand – a good opener at first glance appears like it isn’t designed to pick up women at all. It’s much more stealthy.
What makes a PUA opener different than a pick-up line is this: openers do not start out with some sort of show of interest in the woman.
A good PUA Opener should leave the woman guessing what your real intentions are. And this alone makes you seem more interesting to the woman – it’s a little mystery. Best of all, when you use a good PUA Opener, she’ll put her guard down – and then you can make the “connection” with her.
There is of course the direct approach. If you are reading this, however, you may not be at a level where just walking up and showing your sexual interest in her is something you are comfortable with. So if you are not going to state your sexual interest in her, what is the opener going to actually do?
A good opener engages a woman in conversation. When you start a conversation with a woman and you hit it off – it makes getting her number something more natural and easy – compared to just asking her for a number out of the blue. And in some instances, a good opener engages everyone the woman is hanging out with.
When approaching a group you will open the entire group. There is a killer, step-by-step technique for this in a podcast episode I did with the Menprovement founder, Sean Russell, which allows you to gain acceptance from her peers and isolate her from the group if you wish. So go listen to that for complete details.
In the meantime – always remember that any remotely attractive woman has had 100s of guys approach her. You need a good opener – a good opener starts a conversation with her in a way that sets you apart from the other guys who have approached her. It skips over the normal, boring small talk that kills most approaches instantly.
5 Ways to Open
There are at least five different ways to start a conversation. One is direct – using a direct opener. The second is using an indirect opener. The third is using a gimmick or trick opener. Fourth is a situational opener. And the fifth is inviting her into a conversation you’re already having.
While I have tons of exact little lines and things to say – and I’ll give you some here – keep in mind that you are an individual, and you can tailor each of these different types of openers to fit your personality and interests. Here are the five types – defined.
A direct opener is just that. Direct. You go over and show interest. This is an advanced technique – and I recommend it only to those brimming with confidence and a devil-may-care attitude. There is a lot to be said for not hiding the fact that you have come over here to hit on her. You can do this by saying something like, ‘Hey, you’re giving off an incredible energy, and I had to come over here and see what your deal was’.
Notice though, you are not complimenting the woman to seek her approval. You’re complimenting her from a mindset of confidence. Your unapologetic attitude is what makes you so attractive to her.
My pal Carlos Xuma calls this his sure-fire opener: “Hi, I was just leaving – but before I go I felt like I just had to come over and meet you. My name is Carlos…”
– Being direct displays massive confidence, assuming you deliver it in a confident manner and it lets a woman know your intention right off the bat. This eliminates any confusion that could put you in the friend zone.
– When you do something direct – you are doing everyone a favor. Is she available? Go find out. Who cares? This keeps you from spending too much time talking to a woman who is blatantly not interested or who has a boyfriend.
– It takes balls. And if you’re not confident yet, it’s going to be really hard to pull it off.
– It gives you less time to build attraction. You’re putting her on the spot. You are forcing her to make up her mind about you very quickly – but your confident approach will help her do this. Be prepared for either outcome – she’s smitten or not interested.
This is one of the best techniques known to man. You’re starting a conversation in a way that you would start a conversation with somebody else at the bar you aren’t interested in sleeping with.
And it’s just asking opinion on something. An example of that is, ‘Do I look metrosexual?’ “Do I look like a criminal?” “Is kissing someone cheating?”
I lay out some really great conversation starters in my Conversation Technique Audio – 55 of them, to be exact.
– You don’t have to be super-confident to use an opinion opener. You can always bail out of it with no “rejection” – as opposed to the direct opener, where you basically say, “I like what I see – how about you?” That takes more confidence.
– You catch her with her guard down and create some mystery. She doesn’t have to be in “I’m getting hit on mode”. There’s no pressure on the girl, which means that there is a lot more time to build attraction.
– If you don’t know how to transition to attraction conversation, you come across as friendly and non-threatening – ie: Friend Material.
These take a certain type of personality to use. It can be something like pretending your doing an interview, using a prop, or doing magic.
– You differentiate yourself from other guys.
– It’s pretty easy to use and it captures her attention.
– You need to have a quick follow-up.
– You run the risk of appearing like a clown.
An example of a situational opener is just turning to a woman you’re next to and making a comment about the environment – where you are, what’s going on. To use a situational opener you just need to know the situation – be aware of what is going on around you. Notice something worth commenting on – like the bass player’s haircut, the goofy-looking guy over there, the crowded nature of the room – then you can just turn to the woman and start the conversation. I often just lean in and act like we’re already talking. “He should’ve talked to a female friend before choosing that hat, don’t you think?”
– They are very easy to use as they are non-threatening
– They appear more spontaneous
– Sometimes you can spend way too much time trying to find something worth commenting on and you lose an opportunity to talk to a girl.
– These don’t really differentiate you from other men.
I think you can clearly see that this is different than using some Google’d pick-up lines or ones you might have heard used on television or in the movies. Like I said – I have tried a ton of different openers, and I have some that seem to work just fine for me and the guys who try them. I’m going to list some of the most effective opening lines I’ve used to start conversations with girls.
The following are from my research in compiling the Conversation Technique Audio Program and The Art of the Pick Up Line Audio Program.
Direct Compliment Opener
“I love your style. You’ve got a great look – you must be very creative.”
This opener works well because everyone loves to be thought of as being “creative.” She’ll either say yes, she is very creative and then talk to you about it, or deny that she is – at which point you can respectfully disagree with her, again pointing out that she has great style. She could probably help you with your style – tell her to check you out. Turn around like a model, and say, “C’mon – be honest. What do YOU think?”
Liquor Store Robbery
“Hey, ladies – anyone here a good driver? Me and Friend, are robbing the store across the street, and wouldn’t you know it…….the driver canceled on us! All you need to do is pick us up in 10 minutes, and drive us to the airport. I can offer you 3%.”
This almost always leads to good conversation, with good energy. Tons of fun. Great to pull if you are with a buddy, and approaching 2 women. My students are reporting that this is their favorite opener right now. It seems you’ll need to be ready for the women to want to negotiate their percentage! You can say, well, maybe in the future for bigger jobs, we’ll keep you in mind. Better give me your number.
Use it with a friend. Use a funny, just-got-done-laughing type of feel. Like you were just talking to your dude about how he looks like a – in this case – criminal. You can customize this to anything you like, btw.
“Hey, I need your opinion on something…does my friend here look like a criminal?” (chicks usually either laugh or look quizzically) “Because we were outside and some dude came up to him and touched him on the shoulder like this… (go-ahead – touch her!) and asked, ‘Hey man, where can I get some weed?’”
Awesome Opinion Opener – Reality Show
This is one I found during my years of research – I forget where it came from, but I didn’t make it up.
“Hey, my friend here just got invited to be on the Jerry Springer show. But the theme of the show is Secret Admirers. They told him he’s got an admirer, but he won’t find out whom until he’s live on the set. So maybe it’ll be someone cute, but maybe not; it might even be a guy. What would you do if you were him?”
Cheating Email Opener
This is by far my favorite – it works with one woman, 2 women, or a group of women. This one is taken directly from the Complete Conversation Technique Audio Program. Women LOVE to give their opinion. Always keep that in mind when at a loss for what to open with. Not only that – when you ask them something they can relate to, or about a situation they can easily see themselves in (or have been in) you have a great conversation. How to take this one to the next level is in the audio, but here are the nuts and bolts of this opener.
“Hey, this will only take a second – I need a woman’s perspective on something.”
Go on to say, “my best buddy was dating this girl – and she somehow hacked into his email and saw that he was still in contact with his ex-girlfriend. Well, she totally freaked on him! Is she outta line or is he”?
Have some backup info at the ready – like, no – he wasn’t being sexual with the ex, just friendly. Or, I don’t know how she got into his email – maybe he left it signed on – but would YOU look if you could? Or – has anybody ever done that to YOU? Paying attention to your target woman’s opinions will help you later establish how much you have in common, btw. Those are just the beginning of some of my great openers – all culled from years of trying them out, making them up, or feedback from others in the field.
Although the openers above are quite good (and tested) I realize that everyone has different personalities and feels comfortable using different kinds of openers. So I collected my favorite, successful all-time best PUA openers and compiled them all into my audio e-books – but just the ones listed here should be more than enough to get you into conversation mode with something to say. And this means you’ll have absolutely no excuse not to be approaching women tonight.
All the best –
Live the lifestyle – JD