A lot of men scratch their heads in confusion over women. “They say one thing, then act like another!” they’ll shout out.
Well funny enough, women actually aren’t that hard to understand—in fact, most of the time you’re “confused” over her, it’s because she’s testing you.
…but why do women test men? Well, let me walk you back about 10,000 years and paint a less than a pretty picture.
In the beginning, most of humanity was comprised of tight-knit tribes. This is where “Dunbar’s Number” comes from; the idea that we are biologically programmed to have a mental Rolodex of 150 people max.
For most of human history, time was very uncertain. You could be stooping over a river to get a quick drink one moment, and then the next, a saber-tooth tiger rips you limb from limb. The times were tough.
…and of course, in many ways, women had it worse than any of us. Without a man to protect her, there’s no way a woman would survive even a day alone.
Thus, women evolved to seek out, and grow deeply attracted to what we’ve coined “alpha males.” You know—the men who are confident, dominant, assertive, and always seem to come out on top in every situation.
Some have coined this term “hypergamy,” but others simply call it “common sense.” It’s in a woman’s best interest, evolutionary-wise, to want alpha males.
…and this is why they test men.
Why Women Test Men
Let’s take a look at our paleolithic tribe for a moment. Say that we’ve got a girl, let’s call her “Stacy,” and she’s looking for the best man she can find to protect her.
Now realize that the stakes are high. If she chooses the wrong man, things could go VERY wrong, VERY fast. She could get eaten by a saber tooth tiger. She could be gang-raped and killed by a neighboring enemy tribe. She could also just plain die of starvation.
Finding a good man who is a leader, and who is confident and assertive enough to hunt effectively and fend off predators was absolutely critical.
But Stacy can’t just ASK a man: “Hey, are you a good mate for me?” because every man in that tribe is going to scream “YES!” so they get a chance at Stacy.
No… instead, Stacy is going to look at their ACTIONS and throw TESTS at them, to see if they actually are who they’re claiming to be.
Every man puts on a confident bravado when talking to girls, but very few men are actually as confident and high quality as they act.
The Art of the Shit Test
This is where the idea of “shit tests” comes in. As you may have heard, shit tests are snide little remarks that women throw at you, to test your congruence.
They can also take different forms—but let’s focus on this one right now. Say that Stacy wants to know if a man is a good hunter… again, she can’t just ask him, can she? Of course not. She needs to know the truth.
So maybe she’ll tease a man’s ability to hunt. Maybe she’ll jokingly remark about how little he seems to bring home, to see how he reacts.
The “beta male” will get defensive, insecure in his ability to hunt. “N-no!!” he’ll shout. “I’m a really good hunter, I swear, I always get the best meat!” he’ll scream.
…but she’s not looking at his words. She’s looking at the emotions behind them, and they scream one thing loud and clear: “I’m insecure about my ability to hunt.”
Compare this to the “Chad” alpha male, who will jokingly brush it off, or even play along and exaggerate how bad of a hunter he is.
“Oh yeah,” he’ll say. “That 1,500-pound mammoth I killed the other day? That’s barely enough to feed my family for a day,” he’ll jokingly spout.
…and even though his WORDS are saying “I’m a terrible hunter,” his underlying confidence pierces through loud and clear. And Stacy is attracted to him, because of it.
The “Do You Care” Shit Test
Another form of shit test is the “congruence” shit test, to see if a man really is all that he’s making himself out to be. Let me show you a meme that came up on my Instagram the other day, that made me chuckle. Most men will laugh the laughter of recognition when seeing this:
Sound familiar? Funny enough, most men don’t realize it, but this type of behavior from a woman is a full-fledged CONGRUENCE shit test.
Again, let me walk you back to cavemen times so we can all understand this. Say that Stacy is looking for a man… but not just any man. She wants a man who will care about her, and who will fight for her life if necessary.
Dating and sleeping with the wrong man could mean that she’s stuck to raise a baby on her own, or even worse—she ends up getting killed by a lion or a wild animal when the man leaves at the first sight of danger.
Obviously, women evolved to avoid this.
So one thing they’ll commonly do is test your patience by trying to really figure out if you care about them enough to be inconvenienced.
Has she ever started a fight over seemingly nothing? Oftentimes, it’s because she wants to know that you care enough to try to work things out with her.
…and while this type of behavior certainly isn’t functional if it happens frequently, it is to be expected once in a while. The way you pass this one is simple. You reaffirm the fact that you do care about her, and that you do want to see her.
If she continues to pester you about this, she may just be seeking validation or attention, in which case she should be immediately de-prioritized. But if you’ve been dating for a while and she hits you with one of these shit tests, it’s likely to see if you care.
The “Congruence” Shit Test
Another form of shit test is the “Congruence” shit test. Like many other shit tests, this is mean to expose whether or not you’re truly as confident as you seem.
Have you ever been out to high-end clubs, particularly in cities like Los Angeles, Miami, or New York City? There’s a phenomenon known as “hot girl blase” out there.
This is essentially where women ignore you, and barely even acknowledge your advances. You could walk up to a girl and introduce yourself, and she’ll barely even look at you.
Again, this is another form of a shit test. She’s testing to see if you will be immediately disheartened (AKA like a bitch) by her coldness, or if you’re confident enough to push through a few minutes of awkwardness to win her over.
Most men fail here. They feel angry that she was “mean” to them, or that she’s a “bitch,” but do you want to know God’s honest truth?
When a girl is truly beautiful, she literally does not have enough time in the day to talk to every guy who hits on her. If she did, it would be a full-time job.
So one of the unconscious mechanisms beautiful women will employ to avoid this is the “hot girl blase.” That way, all of the guys who get butthurt will be filtered out within seconds, and only the confident guys will shine through.
The “I’m The Boss” Shit Test
Another form of shit test is the “I’m The Boss” shit test. This is where a woman will ask you to do some ridiculously menial task, to see if she can control you.
In fact, I remember a particularly embarrassing moment from middle school, where a girl I had a crush on was shit testing my left and right.
We were sitting outside during recess, and she randomly blurted out: “Tie my shoe!” Me, being a dumb 13-year-old kid who knew nothing about shit tests, eagerly complied. I, like many boys who have yet to become men, thought that the way to a woman’s heart was by showering her in gifts and trying to impress her.
Of course, I was wrong. All that my actions showed her was that she could walk all over me, and in the manner that only a middle school “mean girl” could do, she did.
This shit test is common early on in the interaction, and can take many forms:
- “Go buy me a drink.”
- “Hand me the remote.”
- “Hold my purse.”
- “Carry this for me.”
Almost every time a girl asks you to do one of these things, it’s a shit test. Of course, there are certain times where logistically she needs you to “hold her purse” so that she can perhaps unlock her car or something, but under most circumstances, this is a shit test.
The Shit Test Approach
Generally speaking, when a woman tests you, it’s a good thing. Women don’t test men they aren’t interested in—if she wasn’t interested in you, she would just let you fade away.
But you are different. You stand out from other men. She can see this, and her girlfriends probably all can, too. So what’s a girl to do? It’s simple: test you.
Welcome tests with open arms, because each test is a chance to grow your attraction level with her. Every shit test a woman gives you is a way of her saying: “I’m interested, and want to see how confident you really are.
So with this in mind, there are typically two strategies I use to pass a shit test:
- Agree and Amplify
- Complete Re-Frame
Of course, there are other strategies to pass them, but these are my favorite, and they’re some of the most widely applicable (aside from just flat out plowing through her test).
One shit test you’ll get quite frequently, once you get good with women, is the “are you a player” shit test, which takes on many variants.
Let’s take a look at a few examples, and how to respond to them, below.
- Girl: “Do you use this line on every girl?”
- Guy: “Yeah, you’re number 5,423,910 today.”
This line is great because it’s so obviously exaggerated (amplified) that it can’t be true… BUT he didn’t deny that he might in fact use this line on every girl.
- Girl: “Why are you wearing that dumb shirt?”
- Guy: “Woah, I know you want to tear this shirt off me, but let’s wait until we get home to do that, jeez.”
This line is also great, because it completely “misinterprets” her statement (which was an insult), and frames it around into something funny and positive.
These are just two of many different examples that you could possibly encounter in the field…and ultimately, gaining your own experience is key.
In conclusion, women will often test men to see what they’re truly made of. Women don’t buy the strong appearance many men put on, knowing that they only do so in an attempt to seduce her.
So what women will do, is they’ll test your confidence and your congruence in many ways. Sometimes they’ll ignore you, other times they’ll irritate you, and every now and then, they’ll just flat out insult you.
It’s on you to learn what shit tests are, how to pass them, and actually apply this advice in your own dating lives. You have all that you need to know—so now’s the time to use it.