I never thought I would have to ask myself how to break the cycle of performance anxiety.
Then, it happened – over and over again. I would be in bed with girls so hot you could sear a steak on their boobs. But I was too nervous to get it up.
If you’ve been in the same situation, you’re not alone. Up to 25% of men suffer from this and want to know how to fix their performance anxiety. It’s frustrating, to say the least.
You’ve got the most beautiful girl in bed. You’ve “worked” on her all night or even for a few dates and when she’s there, naked, horny, and wet like a fish in the ocean, you can’t get it up. From there, it gets only worse.
You feel ashamed, think you’re a loser, and worry she never wants to see you again. Instead of giving her world-class sex and making her squirt all over your sheets, it feels like playing pool with a rope as a queue.
If you want to enjoy steamy nights instead of stressing yourself out like a JP Morgan intern in his first week, you’ll have to find out how to overcome your performance anxiety.
I’ve tried a lot of things – here are the few treatments that work.
How To Break The Cycle Of Performance Anxiety With A Simple Mindset Shift
There are three truths you have to understand to fix your performance anxiety.
- Society has brainwashed you into thinking bad sex is entirely your doing. If you don’t make her orgasm, it’s your fault. If you can’t orgasm or get it up, it’s your fault as well. This doesn’t add up.
- Porn has brainwashed you into thinking you have to make girls quiver on the ground, but this isn’t true. You can have great sex without setting world records.
- You’re not a robot. You’re a human and the human body doesn’t work like a machine.
You can do your best to satisfy a girl – and I encourage you to because it’s a lot of fun. But…!
Her sexual satisfaction is not your responsibility. It’s hers.
If she doesn’t touch you the right way, you tell her how to or do it yourself. She has to do the same. Experienced girls know and understand this, so take that load off your shoulders.
With that out of the way, let’s dive straight into how to overcome your performance anxiety.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #1: Give Yourself Permission To Not Have Sex With Her
If you want to give her a night she’ll never forget, this one sounds crazy but will hit the mark every time.
Performance anxiety creates stress because when your clothes fly off like firecrackers on New Year’s Eve, it implies you’ll have sex. But what if you flipped the script?
What if you forbid yourself from having sex that night, even though you can still do everything else – kissing, massaging, and eating her out?
What if you went even further and forbid her from even touching your dick?
Three things will happen:
- You’ll take the stress off yourself and learn to enjoy being naked with a girl without worrying about your performance.
- She will go bananas for you and crave you even more. People always want what they can’t have and girls are used to men begging them for sex. Flip the script and make her chase you.
- You show confidence, self-control, and the ability to give without expectations – all of which are extremely attractive.
Just say, “you can’t have my dick tonight and you’ll have to be a good girl if you want it next time.”
Girls love the psychological tease.
If she likes you (no-brainer because she got naked for you), she will want to see you again – and you can enjoy the night without performance anxiety.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #2: Tell Her What You Want and Act Out Your Fantasies
Most girls wish men would tell them straight-up what they like in bed but are too shy to ask.
I thought no girl would ever act out my depraved fantasies with me. Boy, was I wrong. Many of them were happy to oblige and did whatever I told them.
If she doesn’t know what you want and touches you in the wrong way, it can kill your erection, which throws you back into the cycle of performance anxiety.
Tell her your fantasies, how you want her to touch you, and make her call you daddy if that’s your thing. This gets you out of your head and into a hornier state.
It also makes the time in bed more fun for both of you.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #3: The 7-Day Desensitization Challenge
You don’t need a scientist to tell you that the hornier you are, the more likely your penis will work as intended even if you have performance anxiety.
Also, sexual health and relationship therapist Christene Lozano says, “[men’s] expectations for how they should ‘perform’ sexually, and how sex should be, has often been distorted due to their porn use, which has contributed to performance anxiety.”
The lesson is simple: If you’ve got a date, keep your hands out of your pants for a week before.
When date night rolls around, you’ll be so horny you could plow a frozen field by crawling on your belly.
“But if I’m horny, I’ll cum too fast!” I had the same thoughts – but think about it. What would you rather have:
- A series of disappointing tries to get it up followed by no sex at all?
- A quick first round that relieves your performance anxiety and shows the girl how much she turns you on?
The hornier you are, the easier it becomes to fix your performance anxiety.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #4: Use the Little Helpers
Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor. Before you take any medication, speak to a medical professional to avoid harmful side effects.
Pills like Cialis and Viagra come as close to a “get an erection button” as possible.
The problem? There are lots of stigmas. When I first took them, it was like admitting ultimate defeat. It made the performance anxiety problem real, but also solved it soon after.
You won’t need a pill every time you have sex. It only takes a few times to reprogram your anxiety centers so they don’t go apeshit when you get with a girl. View it as a starter cable for your sex car.
Even though they’re prescription drugs, you can get them from most doctors. Tell them about your situation and that you need a couple of positive experiences to break the cycle of performance anxiety.
It took me about three to four tries to notice a significant difference in stress levels – by now, everything works as intended without pills in ~95% of cases.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #5: Stop Obsessing Over Being a Sex God
Being good in bed has nothing to do with “being a real man.”
Fake alpha gurus will tell you something else, but let’s look at the facts for a second.
- Fact #1: Everybody starts as a beginner, no matter what.
- Fact #2: Getting better takes practice.
I know you would love to be Johnny Sins himself when you bed a girl, but you’re not sexually experienced enough yet. And that’s okay.
No woman will expect you to blow her mind the first night – most are as nervous as you are.
Instead of focusing on the result, enjoy the process. Accept that you’re not a pro yet and you’ll be able to improve and become one. This will help you stop stressing yourself out and overcome your performance anxiety.
“Sucking at something is the first step to being kinda good at something.” – Jake the Dog, Adventure Time
Performance Anxiety Treatment #6: Learn
With step #5 in mind, it’s important to know that you are in control of your sexual ability.
After all, what’s the true cause of your performance anxiety?
Most likely, it’s the fear of not being able to get an erection and therefor not being able to satisfy your girl. Leading to:
- Her dissatisfaction
- Her disappointment
- Her leaving you forever
But imagine if you knew how to pleasure her better than any other guy with just your hands.
You wouldn’t need to fear getting an erection or not.
Your fingers aren’t going to get erectile dysfunction (if they do call your doctor right away..), so after 45 minutes of the most powerful orgasms she’s ever had the notion of disappointment or embarrassment will be long gone.
Once this is gone, the anxiety will disappear. And once the anxiety disappears, the erection will reappear. So as she’s quivering in your bed you better ask her what happened? Because that was just the warm up. Shit’s about to get real.
I know no one taught you how to do this while you were growing up – so we’ve created Menprovement X to fix you up.
We’ve got the best HD video courses from the best coaches to teach you exactly how to do all this and more. So sign up today & take your life to the next level.
PS: It’s free to start.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #7: The Boring Basics (That Work Incredibly Well)
Nobody likes the boring basics – but they’re the boring basics because they work.
Here are some quick fixes to break the cycle of performance anxiety:
- Sleep 7-9 hours per night (top athletes like LeBron James average twelve). It helps your body regenerate.
- Reduce your stress levels by meditating, journaling, and working out. Performance anxiety is all in your head. To enjoy sex, you have to get out of it.
- Stop smoking and drinking. Both will mess with your ability to get an erection by reducing blood flow and making you numb to sensations.
- Eat a healthy diet and drink enough water. Fast food clogs your arteries and a slight 1-2% dehydration is enough to impair cognitive and physical functions. (More benefits of drinking water, specifically after waking).
These measures will make it a ton easier.
Breaking the cycle of performance anxiety is an uphill battle and the last thing you want are additional enemies.
Performance Anxiety Treatment #8: Talk to Her Like a Masculine Man Would Do
There’s only one thing worse than not getting it up.
Being ashamed and a bitch about it.
The first few times my schlong went earthworm mode, I whined and complained. “I wish it would work, it’s so frustrating.” Today, I want to travel back in time to slap my younger self across the face.
There is only one appropriate reaction when your performance anxiety gets the better of you.
Play it cool and don’t make it a big deal.
Talk to the girl because she’ll worry she did something wrong. “Sorry, I’m a little nervous when I’m with a beautiful girl for the first time/I had too much to drink/I have a lot of stress right now.”
That’s it. That’s all you need to say. Talking about it takes all the awkwardness and pressure out of the situation.
Then, go back to what you were doing – cuddling, talking, exploring her body.
It will attract her even more because she sees you stay cool when things don’t go your way.
If you don’t make it a big deal, she won’t either.
Actionable Summary of How To Break the Cycle of Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety sucks.
If you’ve got a severe case, it can be one of the toughest man-problems to deal with because it’s highly stigmatized.
Use these seven proven treatments to overcome it.
1. Give yourself permission to not have sex with her.
2. Tell her what you want and act out your fantasies.
3. Stop watching porn and jerking off for a week.
4. Use medication to rack up positive experiences and reprogram your brain.
5. Stop obsessing over being a sex god and embrace the natural learning curve.
6. Control that learning curve and learn to pleasure her without penetration.
7. Sleep well, reduce stress, stop drinking and smoking, eat healthy and stay hydrated.
8. Talk to her openly about it.
One last thing – just because you don’t have sex doesn’t mean you can’t blow her mind. A girl I didn’t have intercourse with messaged me a day after to ask what the hell I did to her and how on earth I did it. The secret?
A special massage on a few special spots made her squirt like a fountain. If you want to learn how to do it, watch this video.
Thanks for reading guys, if you have any advice on how to overcome performance anxiety – leave a comment below! We’d love to hear your tricks. And let us know if these 8 steps helped you overcome your performance anxiety or if we suck at what we do! Peace.