How to (Finally) Overcome the Nice Guy Syndrome

“You are such a nice guy, but…”

Her words felt like a hammer that hit me right in the face. The more I thought about what she just said, the angrier I got. She didn’t even have to finish the sentence. I already knew that I would never see anything else than a friend in me. But why didn’t she want to sleep with me, even though I was so good to her?

Why didn’t she have the desire to touch and to kiss me, even though I fulfilled all her wishes? I paid on every single one of our dates. I listened to her for hours. I told her that she is an amazing person and that I respect her and that I would never treat her like her ex-boyfriend. I did all those things and yet, I was nothing more than a friend.

It hurt, but what hurt, even more, was the realization that she was not the first girl who told me that I am a nice guy, just to add a tiny but very painful “but” to the sentence. I was used to getting rejected in a way that is supposed to be nice, but that is far more brutal than a simple “fuck off”.

Back then I really thought that I did everything right, at least according to all the dating advice that I had read on mainstream blogs. Today I know that I did everything wrong that I could do wrong and that overcoming my nice guy syndrome was the best thing I could do.

Accept that You Have Been Living a Lie

If you really want to overcome the nice guy syndrome that keeps you from getting laid you have to do something very painful and that can lead to a lot of anger and resentment. You have to accept that you have been lied to. Yes my friend, all those years you have been living a lie. That’s already a hard pill to swallow, but it gets even worse. You have not only been living a lie, but you have also put a lot of money in the pockets of big corporations who directly benefited from lying to you.

Just think about what a guy does who think that being a nice guy leads to a sexually fulfilled life. He buys flowers for the girl he wants to end updating. He pays for expensive meals. He buys expensive Valentine’s gifts while she is sleeping with some other dude who doesn’t buy her shit.

By being the nice guy you are supporting thousands of companies who are willing to do everything in their power to make sure that Hollywood and the advertising industry continue to sell you the lie of the nice guy who gets laid. The last thing they want is a world full of confident men who know how to seduce women without spending a single penny on them. That might be very good for your life, your sanity, and your happiness, but very bad for their revenue.

It’s finally time to break free from this lie and to accept the fact that you have been living a lie. Don’t regard the time you were suffering from the nice guy syndrome as wasted years. Regard it as a learning process that ultimately led you on the right path.

Understand that Being Nice is Not the Real Problem

In case you want to fully recover from the nice guy syndrome you have to understand that being nice is not the actual problem. Just because every man is afraid of being labeled as a nice guy doesn’t mean that women don’t want to be treated with respect and kindness. Women want nice men, they just don’t want the typical nice guys.

What is the difference between a nice man and a guy who suffers from the nice guy syndrome? A man who is nice treats women with respect is kind to them and would never in a million years hit or abuse a woman. He is a really nice person who combines being nice with his confident male energy.

The guy who suffers from the nice guy syndrome is actually the complete opposite. The counterintuitive thing is that he isn’t nice at all. Yes, he is friendly, but in a phony way. Yes, he treats her like a special snowflake, but only because he hopes that this behavior results in sex.

The typical nice guy does the opposite of being nice. He is phony, he is a pretender and he hides his true opinion and his intentions. He is not the authentic and honest seducer that women are attracted to. He is nothing but a liar who wears a mask with a friendly smile.

I hope you see the difference and I also hope that you have the courage to admit that paying on dates and fulfilling her every wish is actually not nice when you only do it because you hope it will lead to a certain outcome. Now that you have realized that it is time for a change, I want to show you how you can overcome your nice guy syndrome most efficiently and effectively. But first I want to warn you about something.

Be Careful to Not Switch to the Other Extreme

I have to warn you about something. I have to warn you about becoming a terrible version of yourself that you don’t really want to become. I still remember the feeling I had when I found out that being a nice guy was the reason why I didn’t get laid for all those years. I felt angry, disappointed and I felt used by the women with who I wasted my time and my money. The only thing I could think of was revenge.

Unfortunately, most guys who just realized that being nice is the reason for all their problems end up in a position where they are convinced that they have to switch to the other extreme. All the anger and frustration that other guys sleep with the women that they treated so nicely, can easily lead to the desire to switch sides. Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader.

Suddenly, you think that you have to be the total opposite of the nice guy to attract women. You think that you have to be a misogynistic asshole who treats women like garbage. You think that being an asshole who doesn’t give a damn about a woman’s feelings will finally lead you on the path towards seduction success. Be warned!

I know from my own experience that you won’t be happy being the man you will become. In addition to that, this behavior only attracts women who are anything but good for you. If you want to overcome your nice guy syndrome while still being able to look into the mirror, you should choose a path that leads to seduction success without becoming a person you don’t want to be.

Think twice before you join the dark side.

Write Down the Nice Guy Qualities that are Holding You Back

Now you know that being a nice guy without your own opinion and being an asshole without empathy are both not the ideal ways to attract the women of your dreams. What you have to do now is to think about all the qualities you have that are currently holding you back from being the attractive man you want to be.

Think about why you don’t have what it takes to get the girl of your dreams. Think about why every girl you go on a date with puts you in the friend zone. Think about why women don’t see you as a potential sex partner. Again, it will be painful but this step is necessary to overcome your nice guy syndrome. When I did this exercise I had the following insight that changed the way I looked at women and myself once and for all:

I listen to women for hours. I agree with everything they say. I hide my true intentions. I pretend to have the same opinion as they have. I buy her time and her attention by taking them to expensive restaurants. The list goes on and on.

While writing down all the things I did that never resulted in a sexual relationship, I suddenly realized that I literally forced women to see me as a friend, or worse, to see me as a phony liar who tries to sneak my way into their pants. When I compared what I did with what a confident, honest, and authentic man would do, I had to accept the fact that I had spent the last couple of years sabotaging myself in every possible way. However, I also realized that not all I did was wrong.

Write Down the Nice Guy Qualities that Benefit You

Suffering from the nice guy syndrome is definitely not the shortcut to fulfilling dating life, but claiming that everything nice guys do is bad, is also not true. There are indeed some qualities of the typical nice guy that are worth keeping and embracing.
When I wrote down all the positive qualities I had, I found out that I had more characteristics of a successful seducer and a real gentleman than I thought.

I was kind to the women I went on dates with. I was very good at listening to women, which is a crucial skill that a lot of aspiring seducers don’t have. I was very polite and behaved like a real gentleman who wasn’t too shy to open the door for a woman.

I had some quite attractive qualities and that could help me to reach the level of success that I wanted to have.  I knew that I was just one step away from becoming the man I always wanted to be. Being empathic, polite and a being a good listener were all good qualities. I was just missing one important ingredient that turns a nice guy into an attractive gentleman.

Add the Sexual Element to the Qualities that Define Who You Are  

Your kindness, your empathy, and your respect for women are not only good qualities that can help you to seduce amazing women. They are also core values that define who you are. By transforming into a misogynistic asshole you would destroy those qualities. That’s the last thing you and the women you are going to meet the want.

But how do you make use of all the positive qualities that you already had during your nice guy phase without landing in the friend zone? That’s actually pretty easy. All you have to do is to add a sexual element to your kindness and politeness. A kind and polite gentleman who treats women with respect, but who also lets them know that he has a sexual intent, is everything a woman wants.

Compliment her before you say something nice. Lead her with a gentle touch while you are opening the door for her. Look her straight into the eyes while you are listening to her. There are many different ways you can add the sexual element to an interaction with a woman. All that matters is that you don’t forget to let her know that you are a really nice man who is not afraid to hide his sexual intentions.

In Conclusion

Overcoming your nice guy syndrome is easier than you might think. You just have to be careful that you don’t go in the wrong direction. After you have accepted that you have been living a lie for a very long time and that being nice is not really the problem, you have to make sure that you don’t switch to the other extreme.

Once you have realized that being an asshole is not the answer, you should start to write down all the qualities that are holding you back. After you have done that you can think about the nice guy qualities that can actually help you to seduce women.  All you have to do now is to add the sexual element to your kindness and you’ll eventually become a man who is desired by women.

1 thought on “How to (Finally) Overcome the Nice Guy Syndrome”

  1. You’re a VERY wise man! Women can see when a guy is only pretending to be a nice guy because he thinks it will get him laid. Nice Guys – your real problem is that you ade not a real nice guy.

    I’m sure somebody out there is wondering “then why did you let him pay for things “ Actually I don’t. I treat by picking up the tab at least half the time. This is so I don’t “owe” the nice guy.


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