Ever caught yourself daydreaming about being the “cool guy?” You know, the sort everyone – especially women – can’t help but be drawn to? Maybe you picture a rock star, an athlete, or that laid-back surfer dude.
We all start craving this “coolness” from our awkward middle school days. We tweak our behavior, and carefully curate our words, all in hopes of fitting into this cool guy mold, hoping it’ll make us popular, especially with women.
But here’s the catch – what was ‘rad’ during your high school days might not hold the same charm now.
So, as grown-ups, what does it mean to be cool without looking like we’re desperate for attention? Stick with me – I’ve got some nuggets of wisdom you won’t want to miss.
- Being cool means being confident, authentic, and independent, not seeking others’ approval.
- Good hygiene, a unique style, and a sense of humor enhance your coolness factor.
- Cool guys are open-minded, helpful, and always bring out the best in others.
- Striving for continuous self-improvement, and setting and chasing your goals makes you genuinely cool.
What Doesn’t Make You a Cool Guy
First, let’s start off with what won’t make you a cool guy. These behavior traits and qualities are things that can hurt your success with women and your friendships:
#1 Putting Others Down
A ‘cool guy’ isn’t about belittling others to feel superior. That’s not cool, it’s insensitive and immature. It often leaves people with a sour taste and can damage your reputation in no time.
#2 Showing off to impress others
Instead of looking cool, you look like a moron who’s desperate for attention, and women are repulsed by it.
#3 Trying to look better than others
Instead of women and other people thinking you’re awesome, this only makes them think you have some serious issues, low self-esteem, and that maybe you’re unhappy with yourself.
#4 Mr. Complaint Box
It’s not cool to always have worthless things coming out of your mouth. It’s annoying as can get, and no one enjoys spending time with those who constantly whine and complain.
#5 Killing the Vibe
Stop killing the vibe bro!
If you don’t have anything to say that’s worth listening to or it’s not going to build someone up and help them, just be a Silent Bob and hang out. Negativity should be like the static on an old radio. Dial past that stuff until you get to something you want to listen to.
#6 Playing Tough
This might’ve worked in school, but now everyone avoids the guy who always has something to prove.
#7 Indoor Sunglasses and Bluetooth headsets
If this is you, people are more than likely laughing at you everywhere you go and say, “Pfft, look at that dork!”
#8 Loud Phone Talker
This sounds like no one would do this, but I see this constantly at stores, malls, and the gym. Usually, the person doing it is saying some ridiculous thing like, “Just cause I drive a $50,000 car don’t mean nothin’! I got more money than I can count!” And usually, that person looks like they are making it all up to get attention. It’s weird to see.
#9 The Unfriendly Barfly
Women and other people will very rarely go out of their way or leave their friends to go talk to the guy standing on the wall. It doesn’t help to do this and doesn’t look cool. Be social.
#10 Flashing Wealth
I saw a guy do this one time when he was talking to my girlfriend and he didn’t know I was playing pool behind them. She laughed in the poor guy’s face and told him he was lame for doing that.
#11 Price Tag Bragging
Women are NOT going to be thinking, “Wow. Those expensive jeans and shirts are sweet. I’d love to go back to his house and see what other clothes he has.” Nobody cares how much your stuff costs dude. It’s cool to keep that stuff private.
#12 Bragging about Female Attention
This only makes you look incredibly stuck up or look like a liar. Not cool dude.
#13 Being Rude Without Reason
Cool people treat others with respect. There’s no excuse for being unfriendly or disrespectful without provocation.
#14 Treating Women Poorly
There’s a huge difference between saying “no” to women, to avoid them walking all over you or using you, and being a total dick for no reason at all. It may work with some women but it doesn’t make you a cool guy and it doesn’t show much class.
#15 Bragging about yourself and talking too much
If you’re only interested in talking about yourself, you’re missing the point. Cool guys are interested in learning about others, not just broadcasting their own stories.
#16 Doing what everyone else is doing to “fit in.”
We all know a guy like this! He follows the latest trends to the T. Wearing scarfs, golf hats, glasses he doesn’t need, or whatever he sees in magazines or on TV. Doing things that aren’t exactly “him.”
#17 Being a ‘Know-It-All’
This is the guy we all hate having a conversation with because he corrects you on everything or tells you that he disagrees just to make himself look right, even if he’s wrong. The guy who’s been there, done that, or knows a guy who did it.
Recognize any of these things in your own life or behavior?
If so, knock it off as soon as you can.
Work your ass off to get rid of these uncool behaviors because it’s not attractive to women and it doesn’t help you make friends.
I did a lot of this stupid stuff before I learned how to get better with women and dating. No joke. But once I became aware of it, I developed a high level of self-awareness and worked on it until my behavior improved.
It not only helped my dating life but my social life as well.
Things That Make You a Cool Guy
So now you know how not to be a cool guy. So what can you do to become the cool dude who everyone wants to be around? Here’s the list.
#1 Nonchalant about Opinions
This is a huge topic I talk about in my e-Book Ace Your Dates. Caring about what people think, especially women makes you totally uncool and unattractive.
#2 Not seeking approval from others
Being cool means you don’t seek validation and you don’t need other people to agree with you on stuff. It means you give yourself validation to be who you’re going to be and do what you’re going to do – whether you have anyone’s approval or not.
#3 Maintain Composure
The coolest guys I know keep their composure and are relaxed in the craziest situations. It’s awesome. (Look at Matthew McConaughey. Watch his movies. Watch his interviews as well as George Clooney. Super laid back dude)
#4 Not being needy
Set your life up so you don’t ever need anything. Nothing physical or emotional. If you take care of yourself, you won’t need others or women to take care of you or baby you.
#5 Not trying too hard to look or be cool
Not using reckless behavior to look like a rebel or tough guy. It looks kinda lame when you really think about it. You’re either cool or you’re not. If you have to try, then you’re not doing it right and you probably have work to do on yourself.
#6 Having your life together
Having yourself together mentally, physically, and emotionally is pretty damn cool. Learn everything you can about becoming a well-rounded man and improve in every area possible.
#7 Being nice and friendly to those you know and don’t know
Treat everyone as an equal. Even those beneath you. Treating others above you, especially women, make you look like a pussy. Treating others as beneath you makes you look like a prick who people hate being around.
#8 Being really funny
If you’re not funny, find some funny guys and hang around them. You’ll be acting like a jackass and making people laugh and enjoy your company in no time.
Watch a ton of stand-up comedy. It’s even available on Pandora now. Just type in your favorite comedian and you’re good to go.
#9 Being a good listener
I like to call it, “Listen to your way into her pants”. Learn how to get over yourself, get over your own shit, quit thinking of what you’re going to say next, and just be in the moment. Be present. LISTEN. Really seek to understand the other person and where they’re coming from.
Forget about yourself for a few minutes, or hours. The return on investment is incredible because that person now really likes you and wants to be your friend and be in your life.
#10 Not being a downer
If you’re a negative wuss bag who brings others down with your snide remarks, complaining, and acting like a little girl, you’re not going to look very cool and you’re not going to get a lot of admirers.
#11 Have good hygiene
Wash your stinky ass, armpits, etc. Wear cologne, brush your teeth, trim your nails, get a cool hairstyle, etc. Look like you give a damn about yourself. Always be presentable and stay presentable.
#12 Having confidence but not arrogance
You already know there’s a fine line here. Arrogance comes in when you don’t keep your mouth shut. Talk less, listen more, and carry yourself with confidence.
#13 Being honest
If you’re a guy who’s full of crap, work on it. Women are bullshit-detecting machines and they will see right through you.
My eBook Ace Your Dates has tons of stuff to help you in this area. Read the book Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton which was recommended to me by David DeAngelo.
#14 Not thinking you’re better or smarter
Always be open to others’ ideas. Be open to the possibility that people you meet might know more than you or be smarter than you.
Realize that your way usually isn’t the only way. Be flexible. Truly smart men are intelligent enough to know not to tell others how smart they are. Instead, they prove their brain power through actions instead of words.
#15 Helping those in need
Don’t be selfish. Most guys who think they’re too cool will watch someone else fall on their face or struggle with something. A cool guy is cool enough to help others when he sees they need a hand.
No matter what it is. For example, an old man fell down while trying to use the bathroom one time and his pants were around his ankles. Was I too cool to help him because his pants were down? No. I was a man about it, did the cool thing, and gave him assistance. It didn’t matter what the situation was.
#16 Bringing out the best in others
You’re not a cool guy if those around you are worse off for having met you. Make people feel good and do better just for knowing you. Maya Angelou said:
#17 Going after your goals
Get your ass off the couch and out of bed. Put the damn video games down. Stop beating off and watching porn.
Write down what you want to do with your life, and who you want to be, and make that shit happen! Before you know it, your life has passed you by, and either you’re happy because you acted fast enough, or you sat around twiddling your thumbs and you’re bitter about who you became.
#18 Being yourself
Don’t try to be like others. Think for yourself. Just because your buddies got a piercing in their face doesn’t mean you should do it too to look cool. Be who you are, not who others want you to be.
#19 Having your own style
Get away from those influencing you and spend some time by yourself and figure out who you are. Develop your own habits, style, and way of living. If you’re copying others, you need to work on it. If others are copying you and following in your footsteps, you’re probably on the right track.
#20 Always being the best you can be
Being here on Menprovement.com tells me that you’re seeking to be a better man and get better results in your life. You can’t be the best if you’re not seeking to improve yourself every single day. The best are awake before everyone else. The best work harder and longer than everyone else.
And as a result, the best live a life that no one else is able to live. As they say in BUD/S, “It pays to be a winner!” You’re not a quitter. Quitters never win, unless you’re a smoker. Forget what others say who aren’t trying to improve their life. Do it for you.
How This Can Help You Become A Cool Guy
These steps and rules have helped me become a cool guy and have helped me in my personal life and dating life.
I live by these steps and rules and if you do too, you’ll start getting more of the things you want, the women you want, and your life will turn and go in the direction you want it to. Coincidentally, these are also the steps to becoming a real man and not a little boy trapped inside a man’s body.
Working on every one of these will ensure you have more friends, more women, and awesome social life. When people talk about you, they’ll say things like, “Oh yea, love that guy. He’s one of the coolest dudes I know.”