Help! Wife Not Interested in Sex – What’s Going On?!

Perhaps the biggest complaint of married men (and the biggest fear of engaged men) is that their wives are not interested in sex.

This leads to the idea that, consequently, marriage is a lust-less, libido-less, children-filled road to one’s eventual demise. It’s just NOT true guys.

You see each other at all hours, you’re sharing financial and emotional ups and downs, what do you expect? Instead of dreading and complaining, look at your wife’s supposed “lack of interest” in sex as an opportunity to grow in your marriage.

5 Reasons Your Wife Isn’t Interested in Sex

Now 9/10 times a sexless marriege is something that YOU can fix.

But first, we have to identify why your wife has no sexual desire. I’ve talked to countless of men who experienced the same “low sexual desire” problem as you, and it always boiled down to five reasons. ????????

#1 She thinks YOU’RE not up for it

No, pigs are not flying right now.

I really just said this. And it’s true. Men seem to belabor the notion that women rarely initiate sex because they aren’t in the mood. Well, sometimes we aren’t; BUT this can go both ways.

When you come home, toss your tie away, gripe about traffic, snap at the dog for getting in the way and clam up, we get under the impression that YOU are tired and not in the mood. OF COURSE, we aren’t going to try to initiate it.

Deep down we know you are probably always up for it, but we don’t want to be disrespectful by taking you away from that stack of work you have on your desk. Your time and energy are important to us and we don’t want to get you riled up if it means your job or sleep schedule will suffer.

The FIX: I’m not saying you can’t vent about your work but give her some signals to let her know that while you’re probably exhausted you wouldn’t mind some romantic roughhousing. Tell her that you missed her, or give her a sensual hug. When she gets a subtle green light then she’ll know that means you’re in the mood.

#2 She’s insecure

Women’s bodies fluctuate. That’s just the way it is. One week we’ve never been skinnier and the next week we’ve gained ten pounds. This unwelcome spontaneity tends to make us self-conscious.

We want nothing more than to jump you and satisfy both of us, but if we don’t feel that we look our best we will be apprehensive about showing off our goods. Heck, sometimes looking in the mirror hurts, let alone sexual intimacy..

The FIX: Whenever you run into her coming out of the shower, make a nice comment, or just stare at her with a come hither look. Act like it’s making you miserable not to touch her. Regardless of how she feels she looks, this move will go a long way in showing her how YOU think she looks.

#3 She’s depressed/anxious/sad

Emotions are a tricky thing for women AND men. When you’re single you can go out, grab a drink and make out to hide those feelings of sadness or worry.

However, when you’re in a committed relationship it’s a bit harder to just go with the flow. Sex takes on a bigger meaning; it’s emotional. And when you are already dealing with emotions, sometimes the last thing you want to deal with is intimacy.

A lot of wives are nervous to talk about these types of feelings for fear of having their spouse worry about them. This leads to a lack of communication, which then leads to a lack of sexual interest.

The FIX: Ask her questions and listen to, not only her answers but also the way she answers. If she’s saying, “I feel” before several statements make sure you pay attention. Let her know that her emotional health and confidence is more important than sex. Once you establish that you’re genuinely concerned, she’ll be comfortable in her effort to rebalance emotionally.

Side note: If your wife is exhibiting real signs of depression, encourage her to speak to someone. Sometimes talking to a stranger can be easier than talking to someone you love.)

#4 She isn’t enjoying it

Don’t freak out; I know a lot of new couples that have gone through this. Medications, childbirth, trauma, etc. can all wreak havoc on a gal’s libido and they don’t necessarily have fun in the bedroom anymore. This isn’t a huge deal; couples get through this all the time and you can verify this by checking EVERY marriage forum on the Internet.

The problem only occurs when women feel as if saying something negative about your “performance” will make you will feel hurt. So they keep it quiet and it manifests in a lot of “I’m too tired” or “I’ve got to wake up early”.

The FIX: This can be avoided by staying in tune with your mate, AND being open and honest with each other about what you want. Most people, both men, and women have secret sex fantasies that they don’t want to share with their partners. Not being open about your sexual fantasies was pointed out by Loveplugs as one of the reasons for boring sex life. Explore and experiment with different sexual fantasies, that is (or should be) the beauty of marriage; you can go crazy!

#5 She doesn’t like being vulnerable

Good sex is about vulnerability. However, some women are simply apprehensive about losing themselves during sex (women have been known to laugh, cry or instantly fall asleep after orgasm).

If a woman doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable in that way, she’ll eventually start dodging sex due to fear. This results in a lot of falsities in the bedroom (including the dreaded faked orgasm) and lifeless stiffness. They are reluctant to let sex overtake them, which results in subpar sex life.

The FIX: Make sure she knows you respect her in the bedroom and make yourself a person she trusts. This should be established prior to “I love you” and wedding bands, but don’t worry if you didn’t sort that out; there’s nothing but time. Be vulnerable to her and she’ll reciprocate.

And As A bONUS..

And for the best dating app for keeping sex in your long-term relationship hot (seriously), check out 101 Nights by Laura Corn. It’s amazing.

Other Common Causes of a Loss in sexual desire

That said – sometimes a loss in sexual desire is due to other things like mental health issues and medical problems which are hard, if not impossible for you to fix… ????????

#1 low Testosterone

A drop in testosterone can affect your wife’s sex drive. Women need it too, not just men! If she’s not as interested in sex or exploring unexplored sexual fantasies, low testosterone might be why.

#2 Medical Problems

Medical issues might be messing with your wife’s sexual interest, making her not want sex as much. Sometimes the medications for these health problems can cause sexual problems, even leading to a sexless marriage.

#3 Medications

Sometimes the medications your wife is taking might be the sneaky reason behind her dipping sex drive.

Certain drugs, including antidepressants and birth control pills, can throw her desire for intimacy out of whack, making her less inclined to explore sexual fantasies with you.

This unexpected change in her sexual behavior can be tough on both of you, potentially leading to sexual problems and a strained relationship. If you suspect her medication is playing a part, don’t hesitate to have her discuss it with a healthcare provider.

There might be alternative medications or treatments that won’t dampen her libido.

#4 Age

Age could be another silent factor in your wife’s dwindling interest in sex. As women age, hormonal changes, like a drop in estrogen, can lead to a decreased sex drive and make sexual activity less comfortable or enjoyable.

Let’s Wrap This Up

Society has a problem with looking at married sex in a positive light and it’s time to throw that notion in the trash.

Sex can be a really wonderful thing in a committed relationship. It can be stress-relieving, comforting, adventurous, and incredibly healthy for you. It’s also a keen way to discover more about your partner.

You have the chance to know someone in the most intimate way possible, take care of that responsibility and your wife will take care of you (if you know what I mean). ????

Thanks for reading dude!

If you want to learn even more about mastering your sexuality, then check out our full guide in the link and let us know if you have any tips for anyone whose wife or girlfriend has lost interest in sex. I also found this forum about a guy in a similar situation you might want to check out.

Peace!