Question from a Reader:
Hey JD –
I’m using your “Art of the Pickup Line” audio techniques to meet women get numbers – and I’m pretty good at getting girls’ numbers, but they hardly ever call back. Why would she give me her number, if she doesn’t plan on calling me back?
It’s frustrating. – Chaz T. – San Diego
Hey Chaz – what an excellent question. This frustratingly unusual behavior Fs with heads of many of us men.
First of all – please delve deeper into that audio program, and keep on trying. As you will soon learn – getting numbers is a – well – it’s a numbers game. That is, the more you get, the better you get at getting your phone to ring back.
Let me start out by telling you this fact: For every 10 numbers I get – and I get a lot of them – two or three turns into callbacks, and 1 or 2 turns into dates. If I’m great on the dates, they turn into my girlfriends. That’s why it’s so frustrating for many men. Because they only get up the nerve to get one or two numbers every six months or so. Maybe they have a good conversation with a woman every once in a while. It’s not that they aren’t trying. It’s that they aren’t trying enough.
Believe me – I’m really good at this. And I try every time I leave the house. You never know who you will meet. But in the everyday-Joe scenario – let’s say it goes something like this:
He is out for a night on the town looking good and feeling great. Confidence is up, smells good – just got back from the gym earlier that day. New shirt. The whole ZZTop “Sharp Dressed Man”. As expected – you spot her. Some exotic beauty laughing it up with her hot friends.
Again – you are ready to rock, so you go for it and make your way over to the gaggle of sexy. You open with a funny line. They all giggle, and that’s the last thing you remember – because you go into all your best stuff and everything happened so quickly. But as you wander out of the club you remember that the tall, slim, exotic beauty gave you her number. It’s on a napkin, or on your phone. Whatever. “She digs me, right?” you think.
So far, so good.
But – here’s where your question comes in. And here’s where we blow it. The next day at home, you find the folded napkin in your pocket. Cindy…damn, you can almost smell her on the napkin. You love the cute little handwriting with the “heart” for the dot on the I. Here we go – You dial the number…ring…ring…ring…” Hi, this is Cindy – gimme your message – give it to me! After the beep.” (Seriously – I had a girl with a voicemail message exactly like that. It was…awesome…)
But it’s at least something like: “ I’m not around right now, so leave me a message after the beep.” Well, you heard the woman, she said, “leave me a message.”
“Uhh…hello…this is JD…I met you last night at…um…that bar…I can’t think of the name of it…but, yeah, I was just calling to see if maybe you wanted to…uh…get together…ok…thanks, bye.”
Click. Wooo! It’s over. You agonized over it – figure she’d pick up, but got her voice mail. Shit! Now you have to improvise. That was intense, and you’re glad it’s over. Now, you sit back and wait for Cindy to call you back.
BIG Mistake number one. Next day. She still hasn’t called back. She must be busy, right? Probably hasn’t checked her voicemail yet. Day 3: Still nothing. But, she gave me her real number, so I know she likes me, and she’ll call back! Day 4, 5, 6: Well, crap.
Admit it. We’ve all been there.
Hell – some of you haven’t even got the number. But trust me – when you do, you’ll be there too. Until you get good at this stuff. But the main thing we want to know – RIGHT NOW – is why? Why did she give her REAL number and NOT return my call?
Dude – let me tell you. There are many common reasons why Cindy will torture you in this way. There are also any number of other infinite possibilities. Don’t take it personally – and tune in to some of the top reasons she blocks your number and never calls back.
1) HER Ego:
I said it. Her ego. Not yours. Women have egos just as men do. Sometimes, when she is feeling down – she gets all dolled up and goes looking for validation. This is a common phenomenon – and it manifests itself in a lot of ways. But last night, she was feeling “unsexy” or “unloved” and gave you her number just to boost her self-esteem.
This simple act reminds her that men find her attractive and are actively pursuing her. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or an attention whore – well, not necessarily. Some of them are that way. But in general, we all have days when we could use a little boost, and we succumb to our own egos. This was hers.
2) She is Way Too Nice:
Some women are just too nice. They aren’t attracted to you – but they know they have the power based on your supplicating position. They think it’s so sweet and cute that you came over to them, they can’t shoot you down, like a little puppy they would adopt if they had the time and a landlord that allowed pets. So, she gives you her number, knowing full fucking well that she has no intention of returning any texts or calls.
It’s actually – at the time – not a horrible thing to do. She’s not ruining your night. However – for me, I’d rather she said, “Get lost” so I could use the rest of my night pursuing someone else who WAS interested – but you have to imagine being a beautiful woman who gets approached by dozens, if not hundreds, of guys per week. You’d probably find yourself doing the same thing. Cuz yer nice.
3) You Called Too Soon – You Called Too Late:
You have read 1000 different rules on how long you should wait to call. Some say 2 days, some 3 days, some an entire week. The truth is the time varies depending on every situation. In a lot of cases, what happens is – you just had a brief encounter with Cindy and probably didn’t spend more than 2-3 minutes with her and her friends. So you didn’t do something I STRESS which makes an emotional connection. So if there wasn’t much of a connection made Cindy thought you came on a little too strong/desperate by calling less than 12 hours later.
But of course – and this is frustrating – you meet a girl for the first time and you can really feel a great connection and spark between the two of you, she would probably love it if you called her the very next day. Right? Jeez – who knows at this point. I know it’s confusing, but welcome to the wonderful world of women.
If you do your job PROPERLY when you meet her – get a connection, get her laughing, get her emotionally tied to you, get her wanting MORE – then you don’t have to sweat any of this. But in general, in situations, where you just meet and chat – the key is to assess each situation and woman.
If there wasn’t this mutual spark – but maybe she’s interested – she probably isn’t waiting by the phone for your call. So then wait 2-3 days and play it cool. If you feel something special – and you will KNOW IT – with a girl you just met and you think she does too, then call her the next day to put both of your minds at ease and set up the next meeting.
4) The Damned Voicemail Message
You may have done everything right when you met – used all my techniques and you were smooth and confident in the opener, charmed her and had her laughing, and waited 2-3 days to call. But, once you got the voicemail on the first call, you panicked as we talked about earlier. You stumbled through your message with “uh’s” and “um’s”, and you weren’t clear on when you wanted to get together or what you wanted to do.
Now, the cool, confident guy she met the other night doesn’t seem as cool or confident. To put it in perspective: for women, confidence ranks about as high as boobs do for you. I have at least a dozen different things you can say when you get her on the line or get her voicemail. But in general, be rockin’ and ready. Whether you get the voicemail or her be casual and assertive. Say, “Hey Cindy! It’s JD, we met the other night at The Butt Bar. I’m going out Wednesday night to grab a drink, and you should come along.
My number is 555-5555. Talk soon.”
If you do panic – just say this:
“Hi – It’s JD – looks like I missed you. Will try you again later.”
That way you leave yourself open to another call – instead of that dreaded scenario where you fumble through a voicemail message and then are sitting there waiting for her to (not) respond to your (pathetic) message. Bonus Tip – If you and she DID connect, or you made a joke or any kind of funny remark that she laughed at when you first met, bring that up in the message. This will remind her why she gave you her number in the first place: you guys had a connection, you made her laugh, or you seem like a fun guy to be around.
And most of all – don’t get all obsessed over ONE woman or ONE phone number. Like I said – even the BEST “Players” out there get shot down ALL THE TIME. All you have to do is get as many numbers as you can and make as many phone calls as you can. YOU WILL GET BETTER at this. It’s like any other skill. You have to practice. Don’t sweat it and don’t take it personally. It’s a “numbers game”. Live the lifestyle.