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What To Say To a Girl On Tinder to Get Her Attention

What to say to a girl on tinder

Table of Contents

If you are wondering what to say to a girl on Tinder, you are in the right place. I remember the first time I went on Tinder and the conversation went a little like this;

How are you?
Good, hbu?
I am fine, any plans for the weekend
Not much tbh.


Now here are some facts I am going to throw in your face. 

Studies have shown that unless you are some Harry Styles-looking bad boy, you are not going to get dates (or even a single hook-up) having these types of Tinder conversations.

Tinder especially, is hyper-competitive for men. There are tons of guys who struggle to even get a single like while 214 out of 370 girls mentioned in a survey they had more than 76 likes. 

Survey of woman likes on tinder

Now I know, I know… This all sounds super negative but hear me out.

Competitiveness and opportunity go hand in hand. If you learn how to master sending messages to that cute girl on Tinder, you will put yourself miles ahead of the competition.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

Step 1: Match Mastery – Decoding Your Tinder Connections

a hacker

When I first started on Tinder, I’d straight-up shoot my opening message from the hip, sending the first thing that came to my mind. But, let’s just say the results were… mixed at best. 

Once, after not reading a bio carefully, I complimented a vegan on her “carnivorous appetite” (she had some nice curves but most of her pictures were of her eating vegetables in restaurants). 

Yep, I was that guy…

Scanning a bio for 30 seconds seems short, but mate, it’s like a goldmine,  You get to know her vibes. 

  • Is she a party animal? 
  • a traveler?
  • Mysterious type?

Whatever it is, her profile gives you a sneak peek.

And the idea isn’t just to avoid foot-in-mouth moments like mine. It’s to connect genuinely. Perhaps she’s been to a place you’ve recently visited, or maybe she’s into bungee jumping just like you. Find that common ground, brother.

But if you’re running on bad luck and can’t find anything relatable, don’t fret. Look for those easy Tinder conversation starters. Maybe she has a picture with a cute dog or a snapshot from a concert. Anything that can spark a fun and light conversation.

Here’s a personal story to put things in perspective. 

Once, I noticed a girl’s picture at a jazz bar I frequented. Instead of the plain old “hey”, I kicked off with, 

Did you enjoy the saxophonist at [Bar Name]? Swore I saw you there, tapping your foot to the rhythm. 

It was a gamble, but she replied, and we had a great chat about our shared love for jazz.

Step 2: First Impressions – Crafting the Killer Message

A woman laughing and looking at her phone

Once you’ve stalked (respectfully) her profile and feel like you could write a short biography about her, it’s game time. 

That daunting first message. 

Even if she’s the mysterious type with one generic pic and a bio emptier than my fridge on a Sunday, I’ve got you covered. But before we delve into what makes a good first message, let’s have a quick chat about what to DO and what NOT to do. 👇🏼

Avoid These Tinder Pitfalls 🚫

You see, back in the day, I made the same mistakes you might be on the verge of making. But trust me, that was a real-life experience, and I got the bruises to prove it. Now, I’m passing down these golden nuggets to you. 

#1 Look Beyond the Looks

So, you see her photo, and you think, “Holy shit, she’s hot!” or “Damnn, I want to bang her.” Guess what? 

You are not the first. 

Now, I remember this one time I complimented a date on her smile, thinking I was the modern-day Shakespeare. And you know what she replied? A simple, “Aww thanks.” That’s it. Man, I felt more dismissed than a cheesy pickup line at a high-end bar.

Here’s the lowdown: 

she knows she looks good. I mean, come on, she posted that bikini pic for a reason. But here’s the catch. If you’re already singing praises about her looks, you’re setting the stage all wrong. 

It’s like you’re handing over the reins before the horse even starts galloping. You swiped right; she knows you appreciate the view. No need for the encore. 

#2 Elevate Beyond the Basic “Hey”

Ah, the good ol’ “hey”. I can’t count the number of times I’ve opened with that. It felt safe and unassuming. 

But here’s a fun story: 

One time, I tried E-Harmony (One of the lesser known online dating apps) and I threw out the usual 

Hey, how’s your day going?

Her reply? 

As boring as your opener.

Ouch. If you don’t have the charm of Brad Pitt or the allure of Ryan Gosling, don’t even try this. 

Let’s keep that conversation flowing and avoid being that dude lost in her sea of “heys”.

#3 Don’t Be a “I Want to Bang You” Weirdo

Keep it classy, not trashy. There’s a natural person with real feelings on the other end. 

Imagine this: 

It’s a late Saturday night, and your night out didn’t go as planned. Maybe you’re a bit tipsy, feeling frisky, and thinking that risqué message might just do the trick. 

Hi Jessica, I want to bang you and c*m all over your face.

Spoiler: You won’t. 

Unless you’re both returning from similar nights and looking for a mutual kebab binge. But let’s be honest, the odds are as low as me becoming the next James Bond. 

Example of a dirty tinder opener

Pro Tinder Messaging Moves ✅

[Use this information below as guidelines: OK so those are the Don’ts, now let’s look at the Do’s for starting a conversation with a girl on Tinder.]

#1 Tailor-Made Teasers

I remember when I stumbled on a profile of this girl who had an image of herself with a quirky owl hat. Instead of the usual, “Cute hat,” I went with, 

That owl hat. Are you secretly a Hogwarts student or just moonlighting as Hedwig’s stunt double? 🦉

And that’s the secret sauce: tailoring the first message to her profile. 

A few seconds of browsing her bio can provide ammo for some killer conversation starters. And let me tell you, this approach will set you apart from the masses. Think of yourself in a sea of fish – you wanna be that flashy, unforgettable mackerel, not the mundane minnow.

Now, here’s a word of advice. Be playful. For example, if she has a surfing pic, don’t bore her with it, 

Cool surfboard. Is that Huntington Beach? 

Nah, that’s vanilla. Instead, challenge her playfully: 

Impressive surf shot. But come on, be honest, you’ve Photoshopped yourself there, right?

Another thing you can do is to find something in her bio you can relate to yourself. For example, the girl in this message had a cat. 

Tinder example of a personalized message

Telling her you have a dog, immediately gives her something to talk about. The compliment is a bonus.

Now I know a lot of you guys like to use some kind of clever, cheesy pick up line. I am not really fond of those, to be honest. In my experience, a personalized opening message gets the attention of almost every girl on Tinder. Not saying that a cheesy pick-up line is not a good thought. Just not my style…
J.D. Dallas
Dating Expert | Menprovement

#2 The First Name Advantage

Have you ever wondered why when someone says your name in a crowded room, you instantly snap to attention? It’s like magic. 🔮 

Well, you can sprinkle that same magic on Tinder. Just drop your match’s first name in your opener. It might sound way too simple, but trust me on this.

One time, I was staring at a barren profile—like tumbleweeds-rolling-by kind of barren. Just a name and a photo. But that name? That was my golden ticket. A simple, 

Jessica, your profile has left me more curious than a cat. Tell me something unexpected about you.

got me more traction than I’d ever expected.

That first name touch? 

It’s like a secret handshake. It tells her you’re not just shooting off a copy-pasted generic line to every match. And more than that, it subconsciously builds a tiny bridge between the two of you, almost like you’ve shared a cold brew at a bar before. 

#3 Unleash the GIF Magic

We’ve all had those times when we’re staring at a profile and thinking, “What on earth do I say here?” That’s when our 21st-century gift comes in handy: the GIF. 🎥

Look, sometimes words fail us. But GIFs? They’re like the universal language of humor and expression. Tinder even said that you are 30% more likely to get a cheeky response when you start with a funny GIF.

Research on response rate to gifs on tinder

I mean, who can resist a dancing baby or a doggo doing something utterly ridiculous?

I recall this one time when my brain was as dry as the Sahara Desert—no cheesy pick up lines, no clever puns. But then I remembered this hilarious cat GIF (you know, the one where it dramatically turns its head?).

 I sent it her way and BAM! She shot back with another funny GIF, and just like that, we had a GIF war going. Tinder conversations that start with GIFs not only kick off humorously but tend to last longer too.

Lastly, for those lovely ladies who seem to have raided the emoji store 🛍️ in their bios, a cheeky emoji can be the perfect icebreaker. If her bio’s littered with those tiny icons, slide into the conversation with a smirk 😏 or a waving hand 👋. It’s fun, light-hearted, and feels just right for emoji enthusiasts.



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

#4 Stir the Emotions

If you’re about to send a message to that cute girl on Tinder, and it sounds like it’s coming from a robotic customer service rep, you need to change course, mate. 🤖 

Stop and read that message out loud. 

If it has the same vibe as “Press 1 for English,” ditch it.

Instead, send something that ignites a spark. Maybe share a wild Friday night story or a bizarre dream job you once considered (like being a professional pillow tester – I genuinely considered it). 

The trick is to shake her out of the monotony of endless, predictable Tinder matches. 

Make her curious, make sure she’s laughing, or even better, make her want to know more about this intriguing fellow (that’s you) who’s not like the rest. 

#5 Games, Guesses, and Giggles

epic image of a dice

You remember that feeling when you’re about to open a gift? Yeah, you want to give her that.

Ditch the 

Where do you live?


 What’s your favorite color?

type of openers. Instead, let’s shake things up. Here are some killer game starters that have worked wonders for me and might just be your next golden ticket:

  1. Two Truths & a Lie

This game is perfect for unearthing fun facts about each other. Here’s how to play: Drop three statements about yourself, two of which are true and one that’s an absolute whopper of a lie. For instance,

I’ve jumped out of a plane, I speak four languages, and I once won a hotdog eating contest.”

Let her guess which one’s the fib. It gets her engaged, and the conversation just flows.

  1.  Guess My Job

This one’s a fun twist on the mundane. Drop some quirky hints about your job and let her take a wild guess. Example: 

I spend my day making things look pretty and persuading people to spend money. 

If she thinks you’re an interior designer instead of a marketer, you Can let the conversation flow naturally. 

Remember that the way you say it is actually more important than what you say.
J.D. Dallas
Dating Expert | Menprovement

E.g., if you work at Starbucks you can just tell her;

I work at Starbucks

Or you can be a bit more mysterious with:

Every dawn, I operate in the shadows of a multi-billion dollar empire, crafting elixirs that bring the world to life. At the intersection of dreams and daylight, you’ll find my trade. I can not tell more since everything’s classified.
  1. Would You Rather

Oldie but a goldie. Throw out two wild, hilarious scenarios and ask her to pick one. Like this for example;

Would you rather example on tinder

It doesn’t have to be sexualized by the way, you can use any form of silly, witty option.

  1. Fuck, Marry Kill

This one is probably my favorite. You can tell her something like

Fuck marry kill example on text message

Another thing you can do is to name yourself twice and give an insane third option.

Fuck, marry Kill. Me, Adolf Hitler, Me again
Lol, that’s a hard choice… F/M you & kill Hitler
Good. Now I know you are not a nazi we can move things forward

Step 3: Dive into Deep Talk – The Tinder Conversation Dance

epic image of a guy texting

You spot an alluring profile, your palms get sweaty, and you’re about to drop the cheesiest pick-up line known to man. BUT WAIT! 🚫 

Let me spill some wisdom from my own first message adventures.

You see, Tinder’s not like the usual texting banter after you’ve had a few too many and exchanged numbers with someone at the club. It’s a whole different ball game. Believe it or not, some of those so-called texting “no-nos” can actually work wonders on Tinder.

Remember that time we were told NOT to reply immediately to texts? Scrap that. On Tinder, it’s more like speed chess. You gotta make your move while the vibe is still fresh.🔥

Girls on Tinder have, from my experience, the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel. So, you’ve got to keep that conversation starter lively and the pace faster than my last relationship ended (ouch). 

Don’t wait hours to reply; we’re not in high school. And definitely don’t play the “wait-a-day-to-text-back” game. Just no.

Common Chatting Blunders 🚫

A SIMP on tinder getting rejected

Now, as I’ve stumbled, fallen flat on my face, and occasionally soared in my Tinder escapades, I’ve cataloged a few absolute no-gos for you:

#1 Ditch the Ego Boosters

First off, buddy put the ego on the back burner. Bragging? Not cool.

Look, she swiped right; she’s into you. No need for a sales pitch. It’s all about getting to know her, not making it the “Me, Myself, and I” show.

Example of a guy with a massive ego

And let’s be real – some women are just on Tinder for that sweet dopamine rush of getting a Tinder match. Watch out for those validation junkies. You’re looking for a date, not an ego trip.

#2 Escape the Job Interview Vibe

Keep it fun and chill. Don’t go through all 20 questions. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation. I recall once asking my Tinder match, 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

She replied, 

Not with you that’s for sure.

Touché. Be curious, but keep it light and engaging. 

#3 Keep Topics Fresh and Flowing

Ever told a joke that landed perfectly, and then just wouldn’t let it go? Guilty as charged. Even if she’s LOLing hard, it’s crucial to keep that conversation flowing. 

It’s like riding a wave; you’ve got to catch the next one before the previous one crashes.

Below is a pretty good example of how NOT to do it. This guy made a super cheesy joke, then saved himself with a more sexual joke. He should have just left it by that but he went overboard 

DON’T be this guy. 👇🏼

Awkward text message conversation

Chat Tactics to Win Her Over ✅

Ever been on a rafting trip where you suddenly found yourself stuck in a side stream? Yeah, that’s what happens when you ABRUPTLY change topics. 

It weakens the entire vibe… 

So, keep that conversation moving! And how, you ask? Listen. I can’t stress this enough. Dive into the details of what she’s saying, and let that guide your responses. It’s like connecting the dots but way more fun.

#1 Fun and Frolics in Chat

Here’s the deal: when your messages start to sound like they’re pulled from a 90’s weather chat, she’s left scratching her head, thinking, “Where’d the fun guy go? Did he leave for a weather convention?”

Your chats reflect your personality. Think of it as a sneak peek of what a date with you would be like. If you’re serving her the conversational equivalent of stale bread, she’ll likely expect the same in person. Not the best look, eh?

Now, I get it. Not every day is a comedy gold day. But if you’re drawing a blank, it’s better to take a breather than drop a “How’s the weather?”. I mean, unless you’re planning a beach date or a picnic, then by all means, check if the sun’s out. 

The early stages of a Tinder match are a bit like walking on a tightrope over a pit of alligators. Sounds dramatic? Well, it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the gist. It’s essential to keep things light and breezy

Pro Tip:

Steer clear of deep philosophical debates – no need to channel your inner philosopher just yet. And a golden rule? Past relationship dramas? Off the table. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Feeling trapped in a dull-question vortex? Jazz it up! Instead of the old 

What do you do?


You can use one superpower at your work, pick your poison. 

It’s fun and original, and you still get an insight into her job.

#2 The Role-Playing Delight

Our daily grind isn’t exactly a Hollywood blockbuster. Enter stage right: role-playing. It’s the perfect escape from the usual “Hey, how’s it going?” shtick.

Now, I ain’t talking about dressing up as Batman on the first date – although, who am I to judge? I’m talking about mixing it up in your conversation, adding a sprinkle of fantasy, and making the mundane magical.

If the girl you’re chatting with has even a sliver of a sense of humor (and trust me, most do), she’ll jump right in. It’s like offering someone a break from their daily routine, with a golden ticket to an imaginary world where anything is possible. Who’d say no?

Wanna hear some killer role-playing ideas to get her engaged? Buckle up, here they come:

  • Bank Heist Partner-in-Crime 🏦💰: “Hey! Quick question. If we were to, rob a bank, what would be your role? The mastermind, dangerous getaway driver, or the distractor who seduces the guard?”
  • Runaway Bride and Groom 💍🏃‍♂️: “Random thought, but if we decided to elope to Vegas right now, would you prefer an Elvis-themed wedding or a classic Vegas chapel? Oh, and I’ve got the ring ready. It’s one of those that come out of a bubblegum machine, but it’s the thought that counts, right.”
  • Meet the Fam 🍽️: “Let’s say we’re at a super formal family dinner at my place, and my pet parrot starts spilling all my secrets. How would you handle the situation? Bonus points if you can make my grandma laugh”.

#3 Flip It – Let Her Pursue YOU

Remember back in school when there was always that ONE toy everyone wanted, but only one kid had? Suddenly, that toy became the Holy Grail, and we’d do anything to play with it. 


Because it was scarce, it was a challenge to get, and let’s face it, we all love a challenge.

Now, let’s fast forward to our adult lives and bring that same concept to Tinder. You, my man, need to be that “must-have” toy.

  1.  Reverse the Power Play 🔄:

You see, most gents on Tinder are so hungry for sex, that they’d dive into the ocean just to fetch a girl a can of tuna. (Alright, maybe not, but you get my drift.) What if you did the opposite? 

If she’s a stunner, a 9, or a 10, she’s probably used to guys bending over backward for her. 

hot tinder girl

By showing her that you’re different and that she needs to put in a little effort too, you become the puzzle she wants to solve. Skip to #3 to learn how to do this.

  1. Set Some Fun Tests 📝:

Now, I’m not talking about asking her to solve a trigonometry problem. (Unless you’re into that sort of thing… ?) But how about:

Before we continue, let’s see if you can answer this: Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

It’s light, it’s fun.

  1. Unleash the Reverse Psychology 🧠:

Ever told someone not to think of a blue elephant? Boom! That’s the first thing they picture. So, tell her you two probably wouldn’t be compatible because you only date girls who [insert funny challenge here]. Watch her try to prove you wrong. 

  1. Challenge her Opinions (respectfully!) 💡:

If she says she loves pineapple on pizza (and I mean, who doesn’t?), playfully argue why it’s a crime against pizza kind. It’s all about sparking a fun debate, not a full-blown argument. Keep it cheeky.

The 10 Best Icebreakers for Your Tinder Matches

a ship breaking ice

Armed to the teeth with some killer conversation starters? Good. Let’s get you suited up, so you can reel in more than just likes on your profile. Here are my top 10 conversation starters. 🔥

#1 Kickoff with a Personal Touch

Ever get a message that feels like it’s been copied and pasted to a hundred other guys? I bet it felt pretty darn generic. And guess what? The ladies feel the same way. 

So, take a hot minute, check out her Tinder profile, and find that common ground. If her profile says she loves hiking, don’t just ask, 

You like hiking?

Instead, try, 

Saw you’re into hiking. Ever hiked the Grand Canyon? That’s on my bucket list!”

It shows you’ve taken the time, and it’s a damn good conversation starter.

#2 Magic in Mentioning Her Name

Okay, so there’s something about hearing (or reading) our name that just grabs our attention. It’s like an emotional bond siren. 🚨

So instead of starting with a “Hey”, make it, “Hey [Her Name]!”. And if you want to spice it up with a flirty compliment, say, 

Hey [Name], you look like trouble”

It makes your message feel direct and personal, and it stands out from what other guys are likely shooting her way.

#3 Break Ice with a GIF Giggle

They’re a fun and easy way to break the ice. If she’s replying quickly, it might just mean she’s eagerly waiting for your next move. So, hit her up with a funny GIF.

Pro Tip:

Find something in her profile and send a GIF related to that.

#4 Dive into Shared Interests

woman and man drawing a painting together

Do you know how epic it feels when you’re watching a game at a bar and you suddenly bond with a stranger over a shared love for a team? 

That’s because shared interests are like secret handshakes. So, on Tinder, dive deep into her profile, beyond those beach pics. Maybe she’s got a dog? Boom! 

“Hey Jessica, I see you’re a dog lover too. Golden Retriever or Husky – which side are you on?” 

#5 Evoke Those Feelings

Although recent studies suggest men are just as emotional as women (pussy’s kuch kuch), we can not deny that women LOVE to feel emotions. Whether it’s jealousy, anger, happiness, or drama and attention in general. They just want to feel something.

#6 Engage with Fun Guesswork

Kick things off with a little mystery. 

You know what I really like about you Sophie?

From my experience, no girl is going to ignore a question like that. She just can’t help stand this monumental cliffhanger. The trick is to (again) find something in her profile and relate it to that.

#7 Hypothetical Wonder – Would She or Wouldn’t She?

‘Would you rather’ questions are not only entertaining but they give you insights into her preferences. 

Would you rather sip cocktails on a tropical beach or cozy up with hot cocoa by a mountain cabin fire?


Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?

These queries can open doors to deeper discussions, or just pure fun banter.

#8 Tune In, Listen Up

Everyone likes to be heard, right? If she’s talking about her recent trip, don’t just jump in with your travel tales. Instead, say, 

Sounds cool, did you go to X?

#9 Playful Teasing Wins

Making her laugh eases the pressure, especially in those initial chats. If she can choose between a dull, boring guy and a funny dude, guess who’s she going to pick?

#10 Engage in Fun Role-Play

Role-playing is a fun way to spice up a chat. You can easily steer it in a humorous, flirtatious direction. Just make sure you are NOT this guy. 😂👇🏼

Funny example of roleplay in online dating app

Step 5: The Date Pitch – Nailing the Ask

girl reading text message

So you’ve got that match, and the conversation is flowing like a smooth single malt. 🥃 

But here’s the big question: when’s the right time to pop the big question (you know, about splitting a bottle)? 🤔

The whole point is to strike while the iron is HOT, but not before it’s heated up. Ideally, you should aim to ask her out between 5 to 20 messages, and do it all in ‘one session’. Yep! Get the ball rolling at 6 p.m., and have that date in the planner before you hit the sheets. Timing is everything. 

The key is to;

  • Evoke emotion
  • Show her you’re genuinely interested
  • Keep the conversation light, 
  • Avoid endless small talk.

Let’s say you both love cooking. Mention a potential “cook-off” during your free time. Who wouldn’t want a fun competition, right? 🍝

Signs She’s Ready to Meet

a gorgeous woman blushing and looking at her phone

First off, let’s be clear on something: ALWAYS assume she’s into you. Come on! She swiped right, didn’t she? So, she’s obviously seen something she likes. 

Being a bit bullish in asking her out can often work wonders. I mean, the worst she can say is, “No” But guess what? Most times, they appreciate the direct approach.

Now, spotting the cues is like reading between the lines. If she’s replying quickly or giving you flirty compliments, she’s probably itching for you to ask. When she starts discussing free time or weekend plans, that’s a clear shot. 

And if she’s asking more personal questions, trying to find common ground, or establishing an emotional bond, she’s almost certainly ready. So, don’t overthink it! Show her you’ve got the guts, and ask her out. 



The Ultimate Dating Program
  • Learn how to get women without doing pick-up.
  • Completely eliminate the fear of talking to girls.
  • From the conversation to getting numbers, dates and inviting her to your place. 😏

#1 Laughter, the Best Indicator

So, I was chatting with this girl from the same college as me on another dating app (I know, Tinder ain’t neither a road nor an alley), and I cracked a light joke about our rivalry football teams.

 She burst out laughing, throwing emojis and fun jabs my way. We kept the conversation rolling and that’s when I knew I was on the right track. 

However, here’s a key takeaway: always check the vibe. If you’re laying down solid lines, and all you’re getting back is a lonely “LOL” or a weak “Haha”, something’s up. 

You want that back-and-forth banter. It subconsciously creates a bond. If she’s not matching your energy, maybe it’s time to reassess.

#2 When She’s All Questions

Every question is a step closer to trust and rapport. I remember once, after a great chat, this girl curiously asked, 

So, why are you on Tinder and not some other dating app?
Oh, so you have been dating a lot lately?

It was pretty clear she was genuinely keen on understanding my world. And trust me, if she’s diving in with questions, she’s weighing up the pros and cons of potentially meeting up. 

#3 Conversations That Flow

When the conversation feels like a fast-paced game of ping pong, and she’s interested, it’s the perfect storm. Maybe she’s vibing to the same Spotify playlist, or maybe it’s just you, but either way, this is your cue. 

example of a smooth conversation on bumble

Ask her out while she’s in this high-energy mood. Because let’s be real, her decision is all about the feels, not some lengthy pro-con list she’s drafting in her head.

Catch her when the vibe is electric, and your chances of getting that “Yes” skyrocket.

Bait Slip – The Clever Date Test

If you’re not sure whether to reel her in for the first date just yet, try the Bait Slip Test.

Throw out a casual suggestion, like, 

You know, there’s this new cafe downtown. Legends say their lattes are an orgasm for your taste buds. We should check it out
You know, there’s this new cafe downtown. Legends say their lattes are an orgasm for your taste buds. We should check it out

you plant the idea of the date, but swiftly move on to open-ended questions as a distraction.

Now, here’s the magic. If she pounces on that date idea or even hints at it positively, then that’s your green late bro. 

If she skims past, no worries. Maybe she’s just waiting for you to be a bit more direct. Either way, you’ve got intel without risking it all. 

From Chats, Dates to Numbers – The Tinder Transition

If you’ve been paying attention and noticed those signals I’ve been harping on about, the transition will be smoother than you’d think. 

When Date Invites Go Wrong 🚫

Before we dive into the Tinder message dos, let’s talk about some don’ts. These are lessons learned the hard way.

#1 Avoid Unpredictable Surprises…

Imagine having a heart-to-heart with a friend and suddenly they throw in, “Hey, ever thought of bungee jumping?” Out of nowhere, right? 

That’s exactly how it feels when you surprise someone with a date invite after a long silent gap. 

Always keep the conversation rolling. Start talking, find shared interests, and maybe even share a funny GIF like I talked about before. Only then, when you’re both invested in a lively chat, do you pop the question. 

#2 Who Holds the Power?

There was this one time I sent a message saying, “So, when are you free to catch up?” Crickets. The silence was louder than my grandma’s TV. 📺 

And that’s when I realized that handing her all the decision-making power was NOT the best move. You see, she wants YOU to take charge.

Don’t just toss the ball in her court with vague asks. Instead, present a plan. Maybe suggest a cool new cafe you’ve heard of or a movie she might like, based on your Tinder conversations. Make it so irresistible that she just can’t resist saying, “YES!” 

Example of proposing a date via text message
second Example of proposing a date via text message

#3 The Right Amount of Mystery

No one likes someone who seems too available. It’s like showing your cards in a poker game.

Let’s say you’re in a great conversation, trying to grab that special person’s attention on Tinder. Saying something like, 

I’m free anytime you are, just let me know!

might seem like the polite thing to do, but in reality, it’s as engaging as generic messages. It’s akin to asking that dull question, “So, how’s the weather?” It’s just not going to hold a woman’s attention.

Instead, my friend, you want to give off the vibe that you’re a man on a mission, with things to do and places to be. 

Drop hints like, 

I’m pretty swamped this week, but Thursday evening looks good,


How about next Wednesday? If not, we can check the week after.

If she’s genuinely interested, she’ll make the effort. And if she suggests another time, don’t dive in with “Oh! I’m free then too!” Keep the mystery alive. You can reply with

Let’s do 20:30 instead, got some work to do

Mastering the Date Ask ✅

It’s like fishing, but instead of baiting a hook, you’re crafting a message. And trust me, no one wants to leave the water empty-handed. Let’s dial into those Tinder openers and make every swipe count.

#1 Lead with Confidence and Dominance

Someone’s gotta take the lead. And in the world of Tinder, that ‘someone’ is you.

No more of that wishy-washy, “Do you possibly fancy a drink sometime?” That’s like asking someone if they’d maybe like a slice of pizza. The answer is always yes, but make it exciting. 

Instead, channel that energy and say on Tinder,

Let’s hit up that new downtown bar for happy hour this Friday.

Commanding, straightforward, and honest, who turns down happy hour? 

#2 Suggest with Subtlety

Okay, I’ve got a game for you: two truths and a lie.

  • Truth: Good examples of Tinder messages can make a difference.
  • Truth: The “insinuating the date” technique is a game-changer. 
  • Lie: You can’t master it.

Think of it like this: You’re chatting, everything’s going great, and you find out she’s a coffee lover. Bingo! Instead of jumping straight to, 

Want to grab a coffee?

weave it into your conversation. Say something along the lines of,

Starbucks has this killer new frappuccino. We should totally check it out sometime.

Smooth, right? 😎

This isn’t locking in a first date per se, but dropping a hint. Like planting a seed. You then sit back, sip your beer (or green tea if that’s your jam), and see if she waters that seed.

If she’s intrigued, she’ll bite, and that’s when you bring out the dominance card, choose the place and time, and make that first date happen.

Transitioning Beyond Tinder – The Number Game

Should I slide in with the number request before suggesting a date? Or seal the date deal first and then swap numbers? 🤔

You might have noticed that sometimes your buddies chat up their matches on WhatsApp or FB Messenger. Heck, sometimes I’d get her number even before hinting at a date. 

Truth or dare example on text message

There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy here. Sometimes I plant the idea of a meetup on Tinder, keep it a bit vague, and then dive in for the number. Once we’re exchanging memes and “good morning” texts on another platform, I lock in the date details.

Look, if she’s said “YES” to hanging out, when you exchange numbers isn’t a deal-breaker. Every lady is different. Some are all about keeping the convo on Tinder, while others might hit you up on Facebook first. Just roll with the punches. Adaptability is the name of the game. 🥊

How to Secure the Digits Dominantly

You swipe and come across a profile where every pic looks like it’s from a magazine cover. Heavy on the makeup, zoomed-in face shots, and oh, the magic of Snapchat filters. 🐰

In my younger, more naive days, I’d walked into dates thinking I’d meet a supermodel only to be greeted by…well, let’s just say reality. 

A bit of advice? 

When in doubt, do some sleuthing. Ask for her Instagram before you set up that date. Think of it as a reconnaissance mission. If her Instagram pics align with what you saw on Tinder and you’re feeling the vibes, go ahead and set up that date. If not? Tactically retreat. 

There’s no shame in saving both of you from an awkward encounter.

Final Thoughts 

Tinder is like mastering the art of barbecue; it takes time and patience, and sometimes you get a little burned. But when you nail it, the rewards are juicy. 🔥 

The key is to swap those generic messages for lively banter, make your intentions clear, and when you’re feeling the vibe, don’t hesitate to ask for those digits.

If you still feel like you need help maneuvering through the dating world, sign up for the Ultimate Dating Program and join an active, supportive community with regular coaching. 👇🏼

How should I start a conversation with a girl on Tinder?

Kick off with a personalized comment about her profile or a playful icebreaker that shows genuine interest.



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Keep it light and playful, sprinkle in some compliments, and make sure to actively listen and respond to her messages.

Engaging questions, witty remarks related to her profile, or a fun GIF are solid choices.

Begin with a light-hearted compliment, playful tease, or an intriguing question that elicits a fun response.

Start by referencing something specific from her profile or asking an open-ended question that sparks curiosity.

Show genuine interest in getting to know her, use humor, and be authentic in your interactions.

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