Have you ever read one of those articles in a magazine about “how to have better sex,” or “how to spice up your sex life?”
Let’s face it, if you have read one, you’ve read them all. They are all pretty much the exact same content.
All of them focus on an identical sex playlist to keep things fun in the bedroom. Watching porn together. New sex positions. Share fantasies. Talk dirty. Maybe spice things up with a little role play or a sex toy. Even a certified sex therapist would probably give you the same checklist.
The problem is, that all of these solutions focus on novelty. They say “if things are getting a little tired, then just try something new.”
But the thing is, most guys I speak to are not after all of the bells and whistles of novelty. They don’t need a drawer full of sex toys, new positions that involve swinging from a chandelier, or their partner dressing up as an airline stewardess.
They simply want better sex and a mind-blowing sexual connection with their partner. Instead of sexual fantasies, they want sexual realities.
That is where Tantric Sex comes in. It is a practice developed over time that can, with a little effort, take sexual intimacy to a whole new level.
This, in my opinion, is the most powerful and real way to spice up your sex life.
How do I Spice Up My Sex Life With Tantra?
Don’t get me wrong, novelty can help keep things interesting but on its own, it is not the solution. For one thing, what is a novel new position this week will become routine by next week.
Instead, it is better to find ways to spice things up that go beyond the purely physical.
As an experienced relationship coach who has studied eastern spirituality and tantra practice for many years, I promise you that great sex doesn’t begin and end with your genitals.
It all comes down to a simple question. Do you want to experience the best sex you’ve ever had? If so, Tantric sex should definitely be on your sex bucket list.
And I promise you don’t have to go and live up a mountain to study with a yogi for years to master it. I will give you four easy tips to spice things up the Tantric way that any couple can use as a fun part of their lovemaking.
What does tantra mean?
The Sanskrit word tantra can most accurately be translated as meaning “a technology to expand.”
It offers techniques by which you can expand your awareness and consciousness. Those techniques provide you with the tools to align your body’s energies with the universal.
Once you realize that everything is energy, sex is no longer simply about the physical sensation. It becomes a spiritual act, with connection and intimacy at its heart. This doesn’t just mean a connection with your partner. It is also about how you connect with your own body and with the wider universe. This transforms lovemaking into an act that engages every single fiber of your being.
Tantric sex is perfect for a long-term relationship where you truly can spend the time getting to know the depth, energy, and sexual nature of your partner.
How do you do tantra?
Okay, let’s go back to primary sources and start with a little theory.
The main pillars of tantric sex are known as consecration, sublimation, and transfiguration:
This is about where you are starting from. What is your intention? Is it simply to have some fun? Or are you seeking to establish and share a deep spiritual connection with your partner? Where you are starting from matters.
This is about how you move energy around the body. Sexual energy is an incredibly powerful life force. A skilled tantric practitioner can capture this energy, and move it from the pelvis and genitals to the head and the heart.
This stage is about being able to see and appreciate beauty in all things. It is about experiencing every sensation separately. It is about looking at your partner and seeing someone who is not simply desirable, but who has the beauty of nature within them.
Focus on Awareness
I totally get that, if you are unfamiliar with meditation, then these terms might seem difficult or confusing.
Let me do my best to simplify things, – the key word here is “awareness.”
That means being aware of your own body and how it feels as well as being aware of the other person lying in bed beside you.
Much of what tantra is trying to do is to make you hyper-aware of yourself and your surroundings. That takes patience and time. You need to create the space you need to feel every tingle and every sensation.
Slow things down a little. Talk about what you like and don’t like with your partner. Great sex should never be a rush to the finish line. Enjoy every sexy moment, not just the final one.
What are the best ways to spice up your sex life with tantra?
I am guessing you didn’t click on this blog to learn a bunch of theories about meditation.
You clicked because you wanted some simple ideas on how to spice up your sex life using tantric techniques.
So, here are 4 powerful tantra practices that can spice up your sex life:
1. Try yoga before sex
Yoga is not just something for exercise studios and gym classes. Studies have shown it is something for the bedroom too.
Why is this important? Well, remember what I said earlier about ‘consecration’? That was all about having the right starting point.
Think of yoga as a way of wiping away the negative energies that you might be carrying from the day. You start with a clean slate with a focus on both your own pleasure and that of your partner.
Practice a few hip-opening yoga poses and a simple meditation as part of your lovemaking. Turn it into a shared experience with your partner. Remember, yoga also increases flexibility and blood flow to the genitals too, creating firmer erections and deeper penetration when you do make it into bed. What is not to like?
Click here to explore some of the best yoga asanas to increase your sexual energy.
2. Eye gazing
Our eyes are the portal to our souls. When you look into someone’s eyes, it creates a deeper level of connection.
This links back to the tantric sex principle of transfiguration we looked at earlier.
Take the time to really look at your partner and just as importantly, allow her to look at you. One simple exercise you can try is to stare into each other’s left eyes without blinking. This can be done as a meditation practice before sex, or during lovemaking itself.
Remember, eye contact can help keep things hot too, adding a kinky edge to your sex lives. Holding someone’s gaze during oral sex or as they undress in front of you can build a level of intimacy, connection, and incredible anticipation.
3. Synchronized breathing
Why does synchronizing breathing work?
Well, one of the key objectives we are seeking is for two bodies to unite and become one during sexual intercourse. This can be helped by picking up on subtle cues from each other’s bodies.
Again, awareness is key here. Take the time to notice your partner’s breathing pattern and match it with your own.
Ultimately, this will help your whole nervous system to align with hers. In basic terms, this means that not only will you breathe together, but you will also feel together.
Believe me, if you get this right it is truly mindblowing.
4. Non-goal-oriented sex
I said earlier that sex should never be a race to the finish line. If you see sexual intercourse as simply a route to achieving release then you are never going to be able to experience just how incredible and sensual slower, deeper, and more intimate sex can be.
Desire has many forms. Take the time to experience all of them.
Human sexuality is a beautiful and complex thing for both men and women. Sometimes goal-orientated sex can be one-dimensional, meaning you miss out on an enormous amount of pleasure.
Spend time slowly touching one another, getting to know each other’s bodies. Start with those neglected or sometimes forgotten parts of the body. The way her neck curves, or the slimness of her wrists. Then as time passes move on to the genital areas. How does your partner feel? How does her face react during oral sex? How does her breathing change?
This is all about sexual communication.
You aren’t on the clock. There is no rushing. You have all the time in the world. I am a big fan of the slow, gentle practice of exploration. Sometimes the hunger for orgasm can blunt that, so set yourself a challenge – to have sex without penetration and orgasm.
The sexual tension might feel unbearable, but learn to bear it. It heightens your senses, and makes every brush of her fingers feel incredible.
So, there you have it. The four simple tantric exercises any man can start putting into practice to increase pleasure.
Even in relationships where the spark seems to have gone, these simple techniques can seem to give you magical powers to reignite your sex life.
In combination, these four techniques will take you far beyond the sort of quick fixes that are often suggested to spice up your sex life. Instead, of creating novelty that you spend forever chasing, they will create a deep, sustainable, and intimate connection.
To me, that is what being truly sexually adventurous is all about.
How do you spice up your sex life? Or has anything else worked to spice things up in your marriage?
Let us know in the comments below!
Steffo Shambo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience. The #1 online mentorship program for men in the world, where he’s helping men master confidence, sensuality, & purpose, to reignite the passion in their relationship or attract their perfect partner.