This article is about the simple process of picking up girls that can change your life. But most importantly, it is about how to get through what I see as the first “hell week” of getting your foot in the door. Most guy’s have read tons of pick-up material but taken no actual action because it is so hard to get started and this is hardly ever addressed. This article will tell you exactly how to actually get through that first week and on to a life of sex, happiness & abundance. Enjoy.
Picking up girls is not only fun, but it is what I believe to be a necessary skill in being a complete man. You can be great at everything – Career, Looks, Confidence & Attitude; But if you are afraid to approach the opposite sex there is just something missing.
This was me my whole life. Until a week ago, when I decided to go out with MenProvement pickup specialist Matt and take action in my life in an area that was far too long ignored.
Quick Backstory: (It’s not quick. But it puts everything in context. If you want to skip ahead to the actual guide, just scroll down to the next header.)
I have always been a very competent guy. Attractive, fun, athletic, and hard-working. But I always struggled when it came to picking up or even talking to girls. Growing up I was always one of the cool kids. And being captain of the soccer team in high school and college meant that I didn’t have to work for girls. At all.
Still, when I would go out with my mates in a bar setting where no one knew who I was, I was useless. It would take me about 15 beers to be able to even talk to a random girl, and even after that, it wasn’t anything to brag about. Fast forward to after college, with soccer and my identity stripped from me, so were the women.
I was still attractive, but it honestly means nothing. I went girl-less my entire 24th year of life. I also spent that year building this site and revamping my life, but kept avoiding the one area that really scared me.
I had improved on everything but was still so far from complete with this one big hole in me. Sadly, I even wrote about picking up girls early on while building this site, since I constantly studied theory, watched videos, and read books. I knew HOW to do it, but I literally never did it once myself. So I shifted to hiring women to write about dating, spawning the From Her section that has become so popular.
So fast forward to a week ago:
Still, I had yet to even approach and number close a girl when I received an email.
**I get a lot of products sent to me from various websites to review and try and possibly recommend to readers for an affiliate commission. This email was one of those.
But it was from the guys over at daygame.com, a site about teaching guys to approach and pick up women during the day. I knew a lot about them. Prior to this email I have probably read all of their stuff and watched all of their videos.
If you gave me a test on paper about how to pick up girls, I would Ace it. But if you put me in the field I would shit my pants.
This is the problem for a lot of people so I am going to stress this point strongly.
*No amount of reading or studying material is EVER going to make you better with women. The only way to get better is to go out and do it.
So I watched the program, Date Against The Machine. It was nothing I didn’t already know, but I know how great the stuff is and I thought – “I want to represent this product, but I cannot morally write about it and promote it without being able to do it myself.”
So I think you know what’s coming… After 25 years of life, 4 years of reading about it & many years of putting it off, I finally took the plunge and went out to actually get good at picking up girls.
As I am writing this now it has been a week!
So I am no expert yet, but what I do know is that I am an idiot for putting this off and being afraid for even a single day. It is amazing.
I went from day 1 – Not being able to go up to any girls and walking around like an asshole for 2 hours (I did mumble one compliment) to Day 7 – Having multiple girls’ numbers in my phone with one wanting to meet up to fuck.
And I stress If I can do this and pick up girls in just a week. Anyone can. My approach anxiety was serious and this took it away (to an extent) after years of trying.
My accelerated progress can be attributed to a few things, which is why I am writing this article.
I am still a newbie, and I know what helped me break through the wall. A lot of guys who are good can’t really connect to what the new guys are going through, I still can. This is why I am not waiting to get this out.[/su_panel]
You will find those points below.
– If you are on the fence about picking up girls
– If you don’t know where to start
– If you read about it all the time and have actually never done it
– If you are scared shitless of approaching girls or even holding a conversation
You are not alone.
And this article will get you past it.
So if you managed to make it this far, here is the newbies guide to picking up women.
The newbie’s guide to picking up girls
How to get throughout the first week of picking up girls – and onto the abundant living.
If you read the backstory above, great. If not, that’s cool but just know that in the last week I went from not being able to approach girls whatsoever. To be able to approach and close numbers using the methods from Date Against The Machine and the Key Points below:
It is important to note that everything I talk about is great, and will work. But I did learn the basic theory and techniques from Date Against The Machine, and it is what allowed me to go out and get through this hell week. It is definitely not necessary, but I recommend it.
With actual followthrough, it will do for you what it did for me.
PreAmble: The best time for picking up girls is the day time.
This is crucial.
The best time to pick up girls is anytime you are not in a bar or club. i.e – The streets, the mall, even outside of bars and clubs at night. Sounds counterintuitive right?
But most men would never consider approaching and starting conversations with any stranger, let alone hot girls during everyday life. And this is exactly why it is practically an untapped goldmine.
There is almost no competition.
Girls here are not used to being approached by men, so they don’t have their guards up. You can approach even the hottest woman, and get a good honest conversation – with a high chance for a second meet-up. When you combined it with everything else in this article – she will see you as a confident guy who displays his masculinity and is not afraid of her.
The process is simple:
See her–>Approach her–>Date her
At bars, you could do the same thing and you will just be a dime a dozen and she will be used to sending you on your way.
After you read this, try it. You won’t go back to your old ways.
So here are my crucial key points to actually getting out from reading this to doing it. Enjoy.
1) It’s okay to suck
A big sticking point of mine was the fact that I sucked at talking to girls!
It’s hard when something you have to do to improve, is the one thing you suck at already.
Like anything you do, when you first start out, you are going to suck. But the problem is, there is no in-between state, you are either not approaching women or you are approaching women.
For example: If you wanted to start to play Tennis, you would suck at first. But in tennis, you can go to a court and hit balls all alone, and then play with your mom until you get better. Then you can jump into competitive matches after 3-6 months. But if the only way to get good at Tennis was to jump right into competitive matches in front of hundreds of people, most people would be too nervous and would never do it.
That’s how it is when approaching girls.
There is no in-between. You cannot go and practice all alone. The only way to practice is to do it, so most never do.
Most guys want that competent confidence of doing something a lot, like tennis, without having to go do it. It doesn’t happen – and they spend their whole lives behind the books, videos, and lessons.
So what you need to do is give yourself permission to suck.
You need to say to yourself, “Okay, I have never approached a girl in my life. But want to have a sex life that I have always dreamed of. I am going to go for it. And for the first week, I am going to be terrible and it is okay. My first interactions are going to be nerve-wracking, I am going to make a fool of myself and they probably won’t end up in dates, but I have to do it!”
You do have to do it.
You have to suck terribly and feel sorrily nervous before you can start to get the hang and gist of it.
So go out there and see how badly you can embarrass yourself. After this week you will never see the girls you blew it with again and you will have some funny stories to tell your friends.
Eventually, from sucking enough – you will develop the confidence to not care, which is the whole point. Beat the shit out of your ego and eventually, you can say whatever you want in a confident manner and succeed. But it will never happen until you go out and suck for a few weeks.
2) Just fucking do it.
Approach anxiety will be there. Many say it never goes away but you just adapt to it and start to recognize it as a positive.
You will suck at first.
But just vow to do 5 approaches a day. No matter how long it takes or how painful it is.
Write it on your wall like I have it written on my wall.
“Just Fucking Do It!”
3) Do it every day
A lot of guys have trouble with this because they do not do it every day. It is imperative that you approach everyday for at least the first month.
It is the only way your baby steps will add up to something b/c you will start slow.
If you only do a few days a week, you will be starting from scratch each time.
When you go daily, yesterday is fresh in your mind. You can say okay, yesterday I spoke super fast. Today I am going to focus on slowing down my words and that is my only goal. Hey, that brings us to our next point…
4) Set small goals
This is big, and in conjunction with daily approaching is powerful.
Go out on day 1 with a small goal and progress from there based on the previous day.
My week’s progression for picking up girls:
Day 1 – Okay I am just going to compliment some girls.
Day 2 – Okay I was crazy nervous and didn’t do anything I learned. I am going to incorporate some of the lines they taught in the program.
Day 3 – I spoke really fast on day 2, so make it your goal to speak slower. Nice got it.
Day 4 – Speaking slower worked, so now I am going to add a pause between my hello and opener.
Day 5 – Okay I am getting better and am actually excited to go out. This time I am going to stay in the conversation and not bail right after my compliment. Digits are the goal (I succeeded).
Day 6 – Shit I walked around the mall for an hour yesterday before opening to one girl. Got really deep in my head. Today I am going to open to the first 2 girls I see, no matter what they look like, just to get my feet wet right away. (Point 12, and it worked like magic – The first 2 girls were number closes, one of which is a very sexual 19-year-old). 6 hours later she texted me this:
Day 7 – Okay so I am getting good. Feeling confident. Not many girls at the mall but opened a few less attractive ones. Sat down to eat when a hot girl in yoga pants walked up to get a salad. Opened her right in from of the guy working and she had a boyfriend. BUT she went on my phone and friended herself on Facebook, “just in case it didn’t work out.” Having her so upset she was dating someone b/c she wanted me felt amazing.
I am so happy with my progress in week 1. I feel like a different person (it feels amazing), and I can feel my confidence growing every day – It wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t decide to face my fear of picking up girls – And it wouldn’t have happened watching other guys doing it on YouTube.
It’s all about baby steps + daily practice.
Baby steps will take you to the top of Mount Everest, as long as you keep taking them.
5) It is not what you say, it is how you say it.
My first 3 days of approaching I went out with the exact scripted lines that the guys from daygame.com use and it was quite ugly.
Who knew a guy could speak so fast!
I went in and jutted out “Excuse me. I literally just saw you walking and I wanted to tell you you look really nice, “ before she even knew words were coming out of my mouth.
I got a flew of whats?! With weird looks, and even a couple I don’t speak English (In perfect English). And I also spoke super low because I was nervous.
But it is okay because I was allowed to suck at first^
This is why some guys can walk up and say whatever the fuck they want because all that matters is how you say it.
So how do you say it?
This will come with practice and develop naturally. That’s how – you say it terribly for a few days, decently for weeks, and eventually you can walk up and be realized and say what you want. Just keep in mind it is a progression, like tennis. You will probably suck at speaking at first.
But just keep these two points in mind and try to incorporate them:
a) Speak slower
Why I failed so much in the beginning was the speed of my voice. I said “lines” that I memorized super fast and it was brutal.
You have to speak slow. It is the golden rule, it separates failure from success.
The slower the better.
Go in with your 1 – 3 word opener, Excuse me, Hey, etc. and WAIT FOR HER RESPONSE GODDAMMIT.
This took a lot of approaches to beat into my brain.
I went in and said excuse me, then bam just pitched my line. It can work when you are good. But get used to pausing.
If you do that, but instead just wait for her response after your excuse me before you tell her what you want. It changes everything. It immediately makes you more comfortable, it is natural and she is in the conversation. Her brain has that second pause to analyze you and the situation and you stand there calm. It works.
This will take time to get down but take your time. There are millions of hot girls on this planet and you will see loads every day (Point 12), it’s okay to burn through a few for practice.
6) Looks do not matter
Looks will help obviously. But only because they will add to the already solid success that approaching girls and picking up girls in a genuine confident manner provides.
Seriously two of the best guys at DayGame are Yad and Tom:
These guys are amazing, but they are not stunners.
You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt whatsoever.
7) You can memorize lines and routines, but it will only get you started. The way to go is being genuine and unscripted.
Having watched Date Against The Machine, I knew what worked and I knew how to make my initial approach. Great right?
Yes and no.
It’s great because it will get you started and you will have something to use at first. But the goal is to become comfortable that lines are not used and things become natural.
For me, I watched the Yad stop maybe 300 times and had it down in my head. Went out to do it and had a girl bump into me, and a girl walks right by me, and no one stopped.
“This is bullshit it doesn’t fucking work.”
I just didn’t feel right doing it, but it’s because again, what those guys teach is a framework.
What you need to do is watch some videos, find some opening styles you like, and go out and try them. Suck at them. And then modify them for what feels comfortable for you.
By day 4 I realized that I was much more comfortable walking up alongside the girl and simply saying excuse me to get her attention. Or approaching girls who are stopped or working behind counters, but be careful with this (point 13).
So use the scripted lines, but know that they are not what works best.
So when you go out with the lines you just saw on YouTube, don’t be upset if they don’t work (they probably won’t.) But they will get you in front of girls and you will start to ease into you and your own personal style.
That’s where the magic is, the point is to use the scripted lines for a while while you are nervous and scrambled in your head and then start to develop your own style and be able to go up to a girl with a completely blank mind and have a wonderful interaction. And that brings us to the next point.
8) After you get used to opening, start to stay in the conversation.
When you first start your journey of picking up women, you already know you are going to suck. But you are also going to have the tendency to want to get out of conversations as fast as you possibly can.
It’s good practice to just go up to a few girls and give compliments at first as we said, but after a while, you need to know when it’s time to stay in the conversation.
For me, this was around day 4, and you will know when it is time for you.
Your opener will start to get a little more natural and they will laugh and say thank you. Now instead of saying have a nice day, stay in the conversation. Fight the urge to run away and stay in the conversation.
What to say? Next point.
9) What to say after you open?
The beauty of this is that you are picking up girls during the day. Not at night.
All you have to do is be genuine, see a hot girl, stop her and say, “Excuse me – I just saw you and I had to come over here and tell you how cute you look.”
It’s like a glitch in the matrix.
It is so simple and it works so well.
Then instead of asking interview-style questions, have a look at her and assume something about her. It will get her talking about herself. Keep doing this until a topic comes up that you can relate to and talk confidently about.
Then when you feel that connection and comfort. Tell her you have to go and would like to see her again. Ask for her #. This is only the first week. When you get good you can worry about kiss closing.
My last # close was just walking up to a jewelry counter, which resulted in the text message I showed above. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey <pause for her response>
Her: Can I help you?
Me: Well no, I actually just came over because wanted to tell you how cute you look right now.
<Pause for her response> –
Her: <Giggles> Woow thanks, you are making me blush.
Me: Haha, I am sorry I just really like your look – You look like you are (Proceed to make assumptions – Not Questions – Ex: You look like you are very into fitness..or you look like you are a bit exotic. Get her talking about herself. They teach all this stuff and the phycology behind it in Date Against The Machine and The Daygame Blueprint.)
<Banter with her co-worker>
Me: Okay well I am going to run, but let’s get together sometime – can I have your number?
Her: Sure. <writes it on receipt>
Done and done. This conversation went well. But if she said no, who cares – I would have been writing this article anyway and the world keeps spinning. I think it was worth overcoming anxiety.
The point is, you will get there. Just commit to going out and taking it in the face for a few days. You have to go through the shit to get to the gold.
10) Don’t be needy
This one is tough because you will be needy at first. And it’s cool. You are allowed to suck.
But eventually, you have to not be needy and just have the vibe of, “Hey I saw you, I thought you were beautiful, so here I am.”
You are not needy, you are just a masculine man who is not afraid to take what he wants.
So just try to not be outcome-dependent at first and go up just to see what happens and for your amusement. Don’t be needy.
The magic is that once you start getting #’s, you start to naturally become less needy, and momentum begins to build.
11) Approach the first 2 girls you see regardless (aka warmup)
I’m picky. So I see girls and I’m like eh, nah she’s not great and my mind makes up these excuses to not do it. Then you start to get in your head, and then 2 hours go by and you have done nothing but get upset.
Even if you ended the last day great, you will need to warm up the next one. It’s easy to be like okay yesterday was great so I’m gonna jump right back into it.
You will need to warm up every time by just getting social, and get back into the approaching state.
While listening to a podcast yesterday, Paul Janka, one of the best seducers, even said, “the first 10 approaches are just to burn through. You have to do it to get warmed up.”
Even the best of the best need to warm up.
so despite what they look like, approach the first two girls you see and just compliment their shoes or something if you don’t think they are hot.
Also chat with some shopkeeps, and just start to get social. After 2 or 3 nervous warmups, you will be back ready to do good approaches.
It’s so easy to do 4 approaches after a full day coding at work, and then get so discouraged because you were crap. Be realistic, you have to warm up and get social, every single day.
12) Don’t harbor on missed chances, there are girls everywhere.
I used to do this a lot.
I would see a girl, not talk to her, and then be upset about it for days.
You will realize when you start doing this that there are soooo many hot girls everywhere. They are in abundance.
It’s okay to miss some because they just got on the phone or mess up your texts. If you keep going out there will just be new ones just as hot tomorrow. This key point takes the pressure off you, takes away your neediness, and makes picking up hot girls so much easier.
13) Don’t approach girls who work where you pick up!
I made this mistake early.
The first two numbers I got were girls who worked in the mall, one at a restaurant as the hostess and one at a kiosk right in the center of the mall. Big mistake.
I am actively texting these girls for dates and shit, and now I cannot go in those areas of the mall at all to pick up girls without them seeing me do it. It’s annoying. #pickupproblems
14) Don’t care what anyone thinks
Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. And wake-up call – No one cares, honestly. They are living their own lives. Don’t be afraid to be bold and approach in front of people. Guys will just be jealous of you and girls will see your big cahones.
When I got the girl’s Facebook at the salad bar, the guy who worked there was just listening in waiting for her order. I didn’t pay one mind and he probably was extremely jelly.
And as far as the girls go, don’t care what they think either.
You have to have the mindset that you are doing this for yourself, and for your own betterment and self-amusement. If they are harsh, who cares.
This is vital.
Don’t care if a girl rejects you, laugh if she ignores you, and move on to the next. You will probably never see her again. You’ll understand when you get out there.
15) Just get through the first week
Just try it. It’s hell week. You are going to be nervous, you are going to want to leave and get embarrassed, but just do it for a week – 5 approaches a day. And at the end of that week, you will be a new man.
Just push through if. It is worth it if you want to live the life you want to live.
16) Keep a log of your progress
This is huge. Track your progress daily and keep notes of what you messed up on, so each day you can go back and think about what to work on.
17) Have realistic expectations
When I got to the end of week one, I felt down after getting passed by 4 girls in a row. So I did some research.
With all the videos out there and stories of successful day gamers, it is easy to think you will just go out and sleep with whoever you want whenever you want.
Even the pros fail, A LOT. I found some great articles that show how professional pickup artists, out of 1000 approaches, only get around 250 numbers, 60 dates & have sex around 30 times.
That’s 3% for anyone who is counting.
Is this something to be discouraged about? Many guys on these sites believed so since they were not as good as the “pros.”
But I don’t see it that way. That means with practice you can approach 100 girls in a week and land 6 solid dates. Yes, it is a lot of work to approach 100 girls, but you are 600% more likely to find your dream girl than if you said, “oh, that’s way too much work – day gaming would have to become your second job,” like a lot of the guys who won’t succeed said on the posts below.
Check out the posts, it puts things into perspective:
18) Most importantly, have fun
This stuff is fun, especially when you start getting good. So go have fun.
Extra’s: My tools for success
What I think helps me a lot is to immerse myself in the subject.
– I listen to The Daygame Podcast, from #1 and on. I listen to one before I am about to go out and pick up girls, I watch a few approach videos on youtube, then I decide what I want to work on and go do it.
– Then I get back and listen to another podcast at night. I find myself laughing like phff yeah I learned that today so true and stuff. It is great.
I am immersed in it and it is my life right now. And it is a lot of fun.
If you read this whole thing, nice dude.
It was long but I think that as a first-week newbie to be able to share what I struggled with and what jumped me up so high after only a week is invaluable.
– I am not a natural
– I was nervous as anyone can be
– I made it happen
You can too. Go out and try it! Below are some useful videos of the pickup style I teach here and some helpful resources and relevant links.
Let me know how it goes and what you thought of this guide in the comments below. Peace!
1) Date Against The Machine – The product that I used to learn the techniques and mindsets
2) The Daygame Blueprint – A much more in-depth look at the techniques and phycology of day game. Includes infield videos, a seminar where they explain each step, and their entire blueprint. Great for a complete newbie.
2) The DayGame Podcast – From everything that I watched or read, this blows it away. An amazing podcast to listen to while you are learning this stuff. It will accelerate progress and is entertaining as well.
We are just starting the process of creating our own videos and tutorials so look for that soon. Subscribe below if you found this useful and you want to have more explanation in the future.
Now get out there and sarge!