Podcast 017: How to make a great first impression

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Menprovement Podcast 

Ready to take your life to the next level? Then you’re in the right place. Get all the information you need to improve everything and live life like a pro. This is the Menprove podcast with Sean Russell.

Sean 

Welcome back to the Menprovement podcast, brought to you by Menprovement.com. The number one self-improvement resource strictly for men was there after the show to get your free self-improvement starter kit, including your free eBook on how to triple your testosterone naturally. I’m your host, Sean Russell, a self-improvement There was a theist who was obsessed with taking his life to the next level. And I created this podcast to help myself and men like you do just that. Today’s episode is with Jordan Harbinger from The Art of Charm. The Art of Charm is an academy that teaches men how to leverage the power of social dynamics and psychology to win more friends. Earn the respect of your peers, get the girl of your dreams, and master the art of networking. I brought Jordan on the show to share his experience and help you and me become better communicators. Because it is one of the most important skills known to man. And I’m not going to lie. It’s the one area that I personally really need to work on, which Jordan helps me debunk towards the beginning of the show. During the show, you’re going to learn exactly how to make an incredible first impression without ever opening your mouth. And specific exercises that you can start doing today. That will change your life. If you apply what you’re about to learn specifically after the 10-minute mark, you will be head and shoulders above any other guy out there. But before we get into it, I just want to give a quick shout-out to our new sponsors. Own only.com Only is an online custom suit retailer. And I just recently got a custom suit from them. And I was so pleased that I had to get them on as a sponsor. All you have to do is go to only.com. Pick whatever suit you want, follow the instructions to take your measurements, and then put them in the fields. And three weeks later, you have a custom suit show up on your doorstep that fits your body perfectly. I got mine last week. It’s a perfect fit. And I’m going to have some pictures of it in an article I’m writing about sometime next week. The price is amazing. It’s around $300 for a two-piece suit and a little more for a three-piece suit, and you get a custom suit delivered straight to your doorstep. Usually, you would have to pay four to five hundred dollars for a suit in the first place. And then a couple hundred more to get it tailored. If you go on their website right now, they have Christmas specials going on with a chance to get a $200 coupon for a suit. And if you do order, you can use the coupon code MPSUIT to get $30 off any order over $200. So definitely check them out at ownonly.com. So I won’t waste any more time. And let’s jump into this week’s episode with Jordan Harbinger from The Art of Charm. What’s up, guys? Welcome back to the podcasts. I’m here today with Jordan Harbinger of The Art of Charm. What’s up, Jordan? Thanks so much for coming on the show. Hey, man, thanks

Jordan 

for having me.

What does the art of charm do?

Yeah, absolutely. I love what you guys do over at The Art of Charm. But for anyone who doesn’t know, why don’t you just explain who you are and what your company is all about?

Jordan 

Alright, so essentially, what we do here at the Art of Charm is teach confidence in advanced social skills. So a lot of times, people are like, Oh, what’s that? but traditionally, Our clients range from engineers to the military, Special forces, intelligence, and entrepreneurs—anybody that needs to sell themselves better will be able to sell their company better. And anybody who needs to be able to connect with people better, either for business or personal reasons, So sometimes, you know, someone will come in and say, I’ve been a workaholic for five years, and I need to bring my dating skills up to par because I want to accomplish some life goals, you know, family and kids, etc. Other times people say, Listen, I sell computer systems and solutions that cost $20 million to the government. It’s all about who you know. I need to learn how to meet the right people, connect with them, and get them to like me, and trust me so I can do business. And so that’s what we teach at the Art of Charm.

Sean 

Yeah, I’m fascinated by the field of social dynamics. And it’s something that I’m just starting to learn about. So it’s perfect that we’ve got you on the show. Now you have an actual school, correct in California,

Jordan 

we do in Los Angeles. And so guys come from all over the world. And they stay with us here at the Art of Charm. So right now, I mean, look at the roster, just to give you a sample of who’s in. So we’ve got a pilot from somewhere in the Midwest. We’ve got a couple of guys from Ireland, which is random. I’ve got a guy who’s a farmer of certain types of, I don’t know, medical plants or something. Read into that all you want. That’s all I know. He’s from California. We’ve got a college student, which is random. I’ve got a television producer. I’ve got a movie guy from Hollywood, and I’ve got an older guy who is recently divorced, and he’s coming through. And he’s just like a machine guy, like some sort of machine operator. So it takes off. Oh, and there’s a guy from Germany and another guy from Asia; I can’t remember if it’s China or Korea off the top of my head. So there are guys who come from all over the world to learn this stuff. They come for various reasons. So one guy’s coming because he’s recently divorced. Another guy’s coming because he’s graduating from college and needs to learn how to sell himself so he can get a high-level job. Another guy wants to learn how to connect with people, probably because his business is a little bit isolating. And the other guys are well into their careers, and they want to learn how to level up, and, you know, they realize that it is about people skills, no matter what, even at high-level technical jobs. When you’re looking at companies like Facebook, Twitter, and Apple, the people who get far ahead and are irreplaceable are the people who have relationships, because you can be highly technically skilled. But at the end of the day, that skill set is largely going to be replaceable; it’s the networks that are unique.

How to be better in conversations

Sean 

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that the more we get into the technological age, the fewer people are being, you know, people, and the fewer skills they have socially. So I think what you’re doing is, like, perfect on cue with, like, where we are in today’s society.

Jordan 

Thanks, banks. Yeah, I mean, it’s growing rapidly in popularity. So we’re pretty happy.

Sean 

about that. Yeah. And like I said, again, I think it’s perfect timing that I’m talking to you because just this weekend, I got invited to a wedding as a plus one. I met a pretty girl once for 20 minutes, and she was a pretty girl and everything. So it was kind of exciting, but I get there, and she was at the wedding. And I found myself pretty much not knowing anybody. And it was a real test of my social skills, which are not terrible, but I am like an introverted guy. So I found myself awkwardly standing there. While she wasn’t around, I was hesitant to start conversations with people, and when I was in conversations, just being in those generic boring conversations, you know, what do you do? conversations, I go dead after about two minutes. Are there any so-called generics? One-size-fits-all tips that you have just for being better in conversations?

Jordan 

Yeah, of course. I mean, I think for you, or just for the audience at large. Let me drop this on you. So rather than worrying about conversations, and, to your point, here’s a good, sort of good distinction, right? A lot of people are thinking, Alright, I need to be better in conversations. And I’ll back up and say, What makes you think that? And you might say, Well, actually, I’ll ask you what makes you think that.

Sean 

What makes me think that I’m better? I have. Yeah, I have so many times where I just don’t know what to say, per se. And I want to be this guy who’s, you know, just captivating people and controlling conversations. And I know it’s possible because I know people go from one area to the next. And I feel like it’s just going to benefit me professionally. And it’s going to open more doors.

Jordan 

Exactly. I totally will. You’re completely right there. So let me ask you this: How do you know that you don’t know what to say? Or is that what you’re saying? isn’t the right thing. Supposedly,

Sean 

I just blanked out. I mean, I don’t know why it’s not the right thing, but I just, you know, I don’t know.

Jordan 

Something’s not going wrong in your interactions. You’re not quite sure what, but you think it’s probably because you don’t know what to say.

Being in your head during boring interactions

Sean 

Yeah. Okay. Boring interactions, like, you know,

Jordan 

And that’s a perfect example, right? Because you’re doing something we call this being in your head where you’re like, how you’re managing and micromanaging yourself during your interactions and thinking, and correct me wherever I’m wrong here. No, I’m

Sean 

I’m okay. Okay.

Jordan 

So you’re thinking, What? What is she thinking right now? Is this boring? This feels boring to me if I’m bored, and she’s probably bored. Yeah. And then you’re like, Oh, crap. I’ve just been thinking for a while. Has this been an awkwardly long silence? Or wait, what do I say now that I’m starting to panic? Nothing’s coming to mind. And it’s still silent. This is weird. She thinks I’m weird. This is not going well. Because that must be something that may or may not resemble a dialogue that’s gone through your head at some point,

Sean 

or something like that. Yeah, give or take. Yeah, give or take, right?

Jordan 

And there are so many things going on there that not knowing what to say is actually like putting a bandage over a bullet hole. And these pickup artists are the type of guys who’re like, Oh, man, you need like a routine thing. And you can start this and that, and you get this interesting story. But then you’re kind of performing, and you’re not connecting with anybody. And you’re putting on a weird mask. We call this a social mask because, to connect with people, you need to be as authentic as possible. And so was the Art of Charm and pickup artistry type stuff that we’re not even close to the same, but where we diverge is that we’re all about vulnerability, strength, and authenticity, and I don’t mean that in woo-woo energy, feel your masculine energy kind of way. I mean, taking off the mask, if you’re running around telling people, Oh, my stripper ex-girlfriend picked me up in her Ferrari. You’re already on the way back from a movie shoot, and you just want people to think you’re cool. But if you’re talking about how you’re doing, and you’re talking with somebody that you just met, and they’re like, How are you doing? You know, I’m actually kind of at a weird, weird point in my life right now. It’s funny; you should ask. And I just moved out here to this new city; I’ve got this new job, and I’m here getting coffee. But I realized, Wow, you know, I don’t have the same sort of network of people that I did back home. And the next question is, Oh, wow, that’s heavier than they expected. Right? Maybe this isn’t the first thing you say. But they might say, Well, where are you originally from? Now that you’re in an organic conversation about something that’s actually on your mind that you can talk about, you won’t go blank because you’re talking about the way that you feel and the way that your life is; you’re not trying to be entertaining, funny, or interesting. And you don’t have to be, because that’s not what connecting people with people is about. It’s not about being the most entertaining guy in the room. And once you start to have authentic interactions with people, they don’t all have to be deep, interesting, and very personal; you can goof around and joke with them. And we teach improv II-type systems for that at the Art of Charm as well. It’s just that it’s much more authentic. It’s not the result of, please, like me, screening the right people in your life and filtering for the right people who are going to be compatible with you. It’s not like I don’t give a crap; I’m going to go out there and tear shit up, bro. It’s not like that. It’s like, which people are going to be the right fit for my social circle? And that’s something that most people don’t do because they’re too busy trying to get people to like them or because they feel lonely or whatever. And that’s largely what causes people to be in their heads. And different coaches will have different reasons for that. But honestly, most coaches just say, Oh, you need to meditate more. And it’s like, That’s cool. And all that, but let’s be honest, that’s you; you’re trying to fix a car with duct tape. That’s not, that’s not how you do it. It might look like it’s working. But at the end of the day, something else is happening here. And we have experience with thousands of people. So we’re more of a science-based type of company as well. AJ, my co-founder, being an actual cancer biologist, in a past life anyway, and me being a lawyer, we don’t look at something and go, Oh, cool, you know, get your energy, right? That doesn’t work with a lawyer and a cancer biologist; it just doesn’t fly. And like I said, most of our clients are engineers; we have a lot of military intelligence, Special Forces, and things like that. Those guys, when you tell them to get their chakras aligned, they’re just going to backhand you, and rightfully so in my opinion. So rather than focusing on what the right thing to say is, let’s look at how people make first impressions, which is very important. And everybody knows this, right? Like, well, first impressions are key. First impressions are key. And part of the reason people think they’re not saying the right thing is that they’re trying to make a good first impression. And they think they’re going to do it by saying something or talking about something. And that’s not where first impressions are made.

How to make your first impression

Because I’ll give a dating example, I’ll put this in a dating context because it’s more interesting. So when you’re giving your first impression, generally, it’s always going to be when you become a blip on somebody else’s radar, not when you see them. And when you open your mouth. That’s a really common misconception. It’s about when they see you. And so that’s a huge difference. Because a lot of people think, Oh, well, we see each other at the same time because I walk up to her and talk. No, she’d probably seen you a lot before that. Yeah. And the only trick is that you haven’t necessarily been conscious of making your first impression. So this might be a little bit confusing. So let me put it into a real-life scenario. Three girls are sitting in a bar; they’re joking around, they’re showing pictures from one of the girl’s vacations, they’re having a couple of cocktails, whatever. You walk in with your friends; you’re going to watch the basketball game, hang out, talk to girls, whatever guys do when they go to the bar, right? You walk downstairs, your friends go home, and man, there are some cute girls at the bar. You notice them too. They’re looking a little bit toward the door. Two of them are the other ones. Look into her phone; they may see you or they may not. You walk to the corner of the bar to hang out with your friends. You grab a drink. You notice them; you’re looking at them; they may notice you; you’re not quite sure. You kind of think maybe they’re seeing you looking over there. Your friends are looking over there. And suddenly, you’re like, Oh, man, I’m starting to get a little nervous because I want to go talk to those girls. Your friends are egging you on because they heard you listen to the Art of Charm, and they think you should have some sort of superpower by now.

Your first impression was made long before you opened your mouth

And you’re like, Oh, man, I don’t know. I’m not sure what to do. But you know, I’m going to do this thing. What a lot of guys do is go out there, order a drink, and get a closer look at the girls. Maybe you do that. Maybe your friend does that. They noticed you then, but nobody said anything. You go back to your table. You pretend to watch the basketball game with your hands in your pockets for another 30 minutes. You have another couple of shots of Jack, and then finally, one of your friends walks up to the girls. And after the two of them go to the bathroom, she says, Hey, what’s going on? You know, what are you guys drinking? And what do the girls like? Yeah, we’re just catching up because of vacation. And you know, it’s kind of just a girl’s night out. And you’re like, Okay, they’re not interested in talking to me. You mosey back to your friends, hat, and hand, you know, tail between your legs. And you’re like, Oh, man, they don’t, you know; they’re not interested; they’re not sure what went wrong there. And here’s, here’s part of the reason it’s, you know, the amateur or the regular dude, I should say, goes, I must have just not said something creative. And your friends were like Man, you went up there and asked what you were drinking; oh, you’re an idiot. That’s not a good opening line. You’re so dumb, you know, or whatever. And you’re chatting with each other about that. And it doesn’t matter, right? The truth is, your first impression was made long before you opened your mouth and had nothing to do with what you were saying. And what most guys will never realize is that your first impression was made, like I said earlier, right? When you become a blip on their radar. So one of the girls saw you when you walked into the bar with your friends. The other two saw you, and you were standing in a corner. And their first thought might have been Wow, okay, cool. Those guys are our age. They’re kind of cute. They look like they’re having a good time. And then throughout the night, you know, as you guys sort of stared at the TV with no audio and got drunker, clearly we were looking at them but not making a move, just clearly waiting for the drinks to check-in. And then you sent your Lambo buddy over there to do a flyby to get a closer look. And he didn’t have the balls to say anything. So by the time somebody finally sacked up and walked over there and said something, the first impression was, We don’t dare to do this. We don’t know what we’re doing. This is our first rodeo. Now we’re drunk enough to take a little bit of a risk, and they’ve already lost interest in you half an hour ago. Yeah, absolutely. Because your first impression was all of those things. Meanwhile, for some reason, you thought you were invisible until you decided to make a move, which is not the case.

Sean 

Yeah, and it’s so funny how you just described that whole interaction going down; it was probably like, step by step. 70% of people listen exactly to the first hour of their night, which is how most people do it, spot on. And we had one of the guys from Menprovement. And on the show three weeks ago, he talked about commanding a room. And how the first thing he does when he comes in the room is he approaches the hottest girl there, and he kind of burns, you know, he goes up on threatening asks or something about, you know, her dress, maybe acid says he wants to get it for his girlfriend, just gets into a fun, laughable conversation with this girl just to essentially make a first impression because every other girl in the room sees that. And then he goes to the next girl. Do you have any systems for making a solid first impression similar to that?

How to start a conversation with a girl?

Jordan 

Yeah, I do. And I’ll say, You know, I don’t know who that was. And I’m not here to say whatever you want or do anything against other experts here. But, you know, starting up in a nonchalant sort of conversation with a girl You know, that’s great; that probably works well in college and things like that. But if a grown male walks up to any woman listening to this, they are probably laughing because women complain about this stuff all the time. To me via email, because Art of Charm has so many female fans as well when an adult male walks up to an adult female and says, Hey, where’d you get that dress? I want to get it from my girlfriend. If you are not serious about that one. Most boyfriends don’t buy dresses for their girlfriends, so it’s going to be a little weird. She might believe you. But once she finds out that you’re having a lighthearted, fun conversation with her, the whole premise you started on was a lie. It probably won’t matter. But there’s probably a 50% chance she thinks you’re kind of a knucklehead right now because you started with that weak, sort of clear lie. Yeah, to start flirting with her. It’s not the end of the world. It’s totally fine. It’s just pretty; it’s pretty amateur; there are many better ways to do that without actually being, you know, full of crap to start a conversation. I think the truth is that you should definitely Whoever said that was correct. You should start in a fun, lighthearted way that keeps things easy, but you don’t have to lie to do that. And you certainly don’t have to be like, Great handbag. Where’d you get that? I want to get one from my wife. Okay, here’s the truth. I’m hitting on you. And I’m not married. I mean, the delivery could work for you there if you’re good at that stuff. But chances are, you’re just going to look like a guy who has no idea how to flirt. You tried to start a conversation that you

Sean 

I just want to clarify for JD’s sake because I probably delivered it a little bit wrong. You know, he has a big reputation. You know, he’s not trying to get with that first girl. He’s just kind of, as I say, paving the way. Yeah, so he wants to, but he doesn’t want to go up and kind of try to get with this first girl and have it, you know, it could go 50-50. He’s, you know, great at what he does, but it’s always a numbers game. He wants to go up and have, you know, a phone conversation with someone without any outcome dependency, you know, eliminating this girl from his radar, and then he moves on to the next girl that he makes eye contact with when he’s in this conversation. But yeah. What exactly are you saying?

Jordan 

Yeah, so Okay, so based on that, that makes perfect sense, you know, going and trying to create an environment where other people are noticing you talking with somebody and she’s smiling and laughing. That’s great. You can do that. And again, you don’t necessarily have to lie to do that. Because if you don’t know who that person knows, I mean, there might be a girl who walks up to that grill, who knows her and says, Hey, that guy was really cute. How do you know? Oh, I don’t think he asked me about my dress; he was going to buy it for his girlfriend. So I guess he’s not single. There goes this, there goes that. But you didn’t think that far ahead because you had to start a conversation with something that was just BS. So I would warn against that because it’s a minor point. But anytime you lie to get something or create an effect, it’s just bad for you. Okay, yeah, there’s nothing to gain from that in general. And so, you know, to create a great first impression, what you’re looking at is, right, when you become a blip on other people’s radar as we established before with the previous example. So the problem then becomes, Well, wait a minute, I’m walking into a room of 80 people; how can I create a positive first impression with 80 people at once? I can’t talk to 80 people at once. So what is it that people notice about you? Or is that what is being communicated to those 80? People, when you walk into a room, Do you have any idea that it’s going to be body language? It’s going to be your nonverbal communication, including your body language, right? So the only way to make a great first impression with large numbers of people at the same time, at the beginning of an interaction or before your interaction begins, is by having great nonverbal communication. There is no other way to do it. Unless you’re a media personality and your PR people are putting your images, quotes, and stuff out for people to see, Because you know that that’s sort of interesting for me, my reputation—it sounds so douchey—will precede me, and I’ll go to a conference. And people have read my bio, they’ve looked at pictures, there are selected podcasts that the organizer has mailed out, and people are familiar with what I do. That’s a great first impression that I didn’t have. I wasn’t even around for that. But other than that, most of us don’t have that happen to us all the time. Right. So we have to focus only on our nonverbal communication.

Sean 

Yeah, so what do you recommend for them? Well,

Jordan 

You know, the way to do that is by habit only, okay? And I’m trying to sort of choose my words carefully. I don’t want to discourage people from trying to get this handled because it’s one of the most important things you can improve in your whole life. So you need to create a habit of positive, really good body language. And most people don’t do that. They’re like, Alright, I’m going to, like, stand up straight and look tough and puff my chest out. And that’s great. And the problem is, you’ve got to remember to do that whenever anyone else is looking at you, which is impossible. Right? You’re going to do that whole thing while you’re looking at stuff. Yeah, maybe you will. You’re going to do that when you’re at the bar hanging out. But you’re not going to do it in class; you’re not going to do it at work; you’re not going to do it. When you’re thinking about other things. By default, you’ll be whoever you normally are. So you have to cultivate habits that encourage great nonverbal communication. And pretty much the only way to do that is if we start getting into brain programming stuff. And I don’t know enough about that to practice. And so one of the drills that I’ll give your listeners here is that every time we’ll start, first of all, you can stand up.

How to use your body language for a good first impression

Depending on where you are, you might look a little awkward. It doesn’t matter; I’m not going to ask you to do anything ridiculous. But stand up, shoulders back, chest forward—nothing to exaggerate it at all; you look ridiculous. A string pulls at the top of your head, with a broomstick pointing straight down. So you’ve got upright, really solid posture; that’s a really good impression. And then put a big smile on your face. Because that looks more engaging, it makes you more attractive. Science shows that that’s true, except in very rare scenarios, like certain types of online profile photos. That’s the latest sort of trendy psychology; that’s rubbish for what we’re looking to do here, which is to say that smiling makes you less attractive. It’s not true at all. And so you’ve got a smile on your face and great upright body language. Now do that. Hold that position. Now every time you walk through a doorway, and I mean every time for the next three weeks, even in your own house, when you walk to the bathroom, when you walk to your bedroom when you walk in your kitchen, when you walk in your front door When you walk out of your front door. You want to straighten up and do that. And that’s very important because eventually, you won’t have to keep remembering that to do that. That’s just something that’s going to become a habit. And then after a while, you’re walking to Starbucks, and you’ve got great nonverbal communication on the street; you’ve got great nonverbal communication when you walk into the Starbucks; and then every single time you walk into a room through that doorway, boom, great nonverbal communication smile on your face. It’s an easy habit to form. Well, it’s a simple habit to form. Yeah, it’s not an easy habit to avoid. It’s very simple because all you have to do is realize that that’s going to change a lot for you. And it’s not only going to change the first impression that you make; it’s going to change the way that people relate to you based on that first impression.

Sean 

Yeah, it’s amazing how simple that is. But it is; it’s difficult for people to commit to that and do it. But if you do, I can imagine how much of an effect it has on your life. And I’ve heard you say that before because I’ve listened to some of your stuff. And it’s something that I think I’m going to start doing from now on. I’ve got so many habits that have formed into, you know, automation by now. And I think it took me like a month to two months to get these. And this one’s tough because you might be doing it every 30 seconds, but I’m going to try it for a week. And I’m going to refer to what people learned on the podcast two weeks ago about doing it. Like an experiment, you know, just do it. Do it for a week and see, at the end of the week, how it goes, because I love that tip. And I want to encourage people to actually follow through and not just listen and then, you know,

The power of nonverbal communication

Jordan 

yeah, exactly. So. So this is exactly the type of thing that, once you create a really solid habit, changes the way that other people relate to you. And what I mean by that is, you’ll, and this is sort of like a trial and see a thing, but when you come across as confident when you come across as charismatic, open, engaging, etc., which a lot of your nonverbals are going to be saying depending on what they’re saying now, because you can’t communicate, right? You can’t communicate, whether you want to or not. So a lot of people are like, I think my body language is fine. Is it fine? Maybe it is, but that’s what you’re communicating: that, you know, oh, it’s okay. You’re okay. Nothing special. Yeah, highly engaging people—I mean, look at people who are highly engaging—they don’t just stroll out like, Hey, everybody, you know, those charismatic folks; they have great nonverbal communication. Some people are going to be uncomfortable with this because they feel like they don’t deserve it on some level. And that’s another issue that, you know, I can’t address on a podcast here, but it changes the way that people react to you. You’ll be very surprised; you’ll see people shooting with more respect. I get emails like this all the time. People are calling me sir now at the coffee shop. And it’s like, it’s kind of funny because this 19-year-old kid goes from looking like a 19-year-old kid to looking like a young adult. So people start treating you with more respect, which is funny because they trust you more, they believe things that you say, they give you the benefit of the doubt, and you might get some winks and nods from the barista. I mean, you can get a lot of things, and you’ll see a lot of changes by changing the way that you communicate with every single other person in your life. And I’m not talking about just what you say, right? By changing your nonverbal communication, you’re changing the way that you communicate with every single person that you meet in your whole life. That’s a huge deal. A huge deal.

Sean 

It’s amazing. It’s amazing. And I’m so glad that this is where, you know, we ended up on the show, because that’s like one of the biggest tips, and I think I read somewhere—you probably know the stats better than me—that nonverbal interaction was, you know, like 90% of the communication that was registered or something crazy like that.

Jordan 

Yeah, I mean, it’s like there are a bunch of studies that go into that stuff. And some of them are more valid than others. But yeah, basically, vocal tonality, body language, and nonverbal communication make up a larger percentage of received communication than other people’s. I mean, people throw these studies around like, Oh, it’s 90% blab blah bla, but it’s like, Think about this: if you watch a foreign movie and you don’t understand any Italian, for example, you don’t know what’s going on; just by watching them, you don’t have a clue. So maybe it’s 90% of what’s received. But that 10% turns out to be crucial. But at the end of the day, you might be able to look at somebody in that movie and go, Oh, that person is charismatic, and they look friendly, and I wouldn’t be scared of that person. Or I’d want to be friends with that person; you can still do that. Even if you can’t understand what they’re saying. You can look at somebody and see if people are sort of skeptical about this, so there’s always one to think about whenever you see somebody who looks kind of shady or dangerous. You don’t have to go, Hey, man, are you a criminal? You just go okay; I’m crossing the street. Now this person is doing something weird, or this person is making weird eye contact. I’m not that’s not at ease. And guys are not that good at this. Unfortunately. Women, when they hear this type of stuff, are like, Of course, yeah, this makes perfect sense. Oh my god. Yeah, I do that my whole life. Guys are like, really Oh, but a lot of guys, you know, luckily we can train ourselves to be more observant. We can train ourselves to communicate better nonverbally. And it’s actually sort of simple as it is, yet not easy. If you can make that distinction. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do. And it’s the beginning of a journey that your listeners won’t soon forget. And, you know, we then layer on to that. All right now, you’ve got great body language, and you don’t try to do these things at the same time, and I know No one’s going to listen to me. But whatever. After you start to build the body language habit, what I want you to do is notice the eye color of everybody that you come into contact with, that you talk to, and that you engage with. And what that does is it stops the weird stuff that guys do when they’re trying to build better eye contact, where you’re just kind of laser-etching your eyeballs onto somebody else, and you look weak, like you get like psycho stairs going on. And you’ve got like this, you know, zing, right? You don’t want that. And you won’t have that if you notice their eye color. And then you look wherever you want, and you’re good. And if you’re one of those people like I used to be that looks at the floor, when you meet somebody new, if you’re going alright, I’ve got to notice their eye color. You’ll make just enough eye contact at the beginning of the conversation so that the person notices the eye contact, and then anything you do kind of from there out is going to be fine. You’re probably going to see a lot of that anxiety dissipate. And even if it doesn’t, you still made eye contact initially. So you don’t look like one of those weird people who can’t look people in the eye.

Sean 

I love it. I love it. I do. And I’m excited to implement all this stuff in my life because, you know, I live for this stuff. And this is a crazy, pretty in-depth topic. So I think we’ll end it there. I have one more question that I try to ask everyone. Do you have any self-improvement rituals that you do daily that you think separates you from the average man, other than what you just talked about? Obviously? Oh,

Jordan 

Um, well, you know, for me, yeah, I have tons, but a lot of them are not going to make sense in an audio-only format. Yeah, right. The purpose one is honestly the best tip I give when people ask, What’s the best thing I can do to be more efficient? or Use a calendar, and everyone’s like, Oh, that’s a bunch of crap. No, use a calendar. Everybody I know who’s successful uses a calendar, usually a digital one that syncs with their phone, and they block their day off in my day, for example, from waking until sleep in 15-minute increments. Wow, it’s not like I’m doing a different thing every 15 minutes; that would be bad for focus. But every single minute of my day even if it’s planned out, even if it says break, right, or lunch, is an hour and a half long. And that’s flexible. Because what people do is go, No, man, I can remember to do that. And that and the other thing, and then soon you’re like, Oh, it’s 230. And I still haven’t done these five things I want to do today. And then. So you go to the gym, you work out, and you’re going to start working after you work out. And then you’re like, I’m tired, and you’re hungry. So you get some food. And then you’re like, It’s for, and then a friend calls you, and you’re like, I’m chatting with them, and then your mom calls, and then you’re like, Oh, it’s too late; you didn’t get anything done that day. And if you’re one of those people whose days run you and you don’t run your days, you’re not nearly as efficient as you could be. And you should be, and you’re never really going to accomplish what you want.

Being ruthlessly organized and staying relaxed

Sean 

Yeah, that’s awesome. And I agree with that. Because for me, being ruthlessly organized—you know, I don’t do the calendar as hardcore as you, but I’m going to look into it—allows me to, you know, no matter how busy I am, stay out of the fight or flight or fight response and just stay relaxed. And that’s when I can be at my best when I’m working. So that’s a great tip. I love it. Yeah,

Jordan 

thank you. Yeah. So

Sean 

Thanks for coming on the show. And thanks for everything. I think that people are going to get a lot out of this. And if you want to see results, then you’ve got to do it. You’ve got to start today. I’m going to start as soon as I leave this first room. I’m going to try this. And where else can people find you? And why don’t you give a little plug here?

Jordan 

Sure. So am I if you already listen to podcasts. So go listen to the Art of Charm podcast; it’s one of iTunes’ top 50. We have an app you can get for free for Android or iPhone. And you can just search the market for the Art of Charm; you can search iTunes, or whatever, for the Art of Charm. And also, you can go to the Art of Charm podcast.com. And check out our stuff there. And we’ve got tons of free stuff. I mean, I’ve got 350 plus hours of audio all based on self-improvement from pretty much the greatest experts in the world, all the way from, you know, Seth Godin down to just dating coaches and lifestyle and attraction, folks. And so there are tons there. If you don’t find something there, then it’s not. It’s not me. It’s you.

Sean 

Yeah, absolutely. All right, man. Thanks a lot. Take care. Thank you. Thanks for listening to the show. If you want to learn more, head to menpermit.com and click on our podcast section to find the show notes for every show with links to anything mentioned. Then check out one of our 300+ articles. Get your free starter kit. Discuss ways to improve your life on the forum with guys like yourself and find whatever you need in our self-improvement resource section. Thanks again, guys. And remember, never stop improving.