Podcast 011: What Do Women Want from men?

Transcription

Menprovement Podcast 

Ready to take your life to the next level? Then you’re in the right place. Get all the information you need to improve everything and live life like a pro. This is the Men’s Progress podcast with Sean Russell.

Introduction of today’s guest

Sean 

What is up, guys? Welcome back to the Men’s Provement Podcast, the podcast that is dedicated to helping you become a better man. I’m your host, Sean Russell, and today I have a pretty awesome show for you. Our guest is Kezia Noble of Kuzia Dash Noble.com. And she is the world’s leading female dating expert for men. And when I tell you this, I am not kidding; she is a smokin hot 10. Therefore, the reason I invited her to the show was to gain insight into the thoughts and emotions of a stunning woman and learn how she really feels when men approach her. And what really knocks them off their feet is getting her to dish out all her best tips and secrets for how any man can meet and attract even the most beautiful woman. This podcast was really amazing. I had a great time doing it. And I myself learned so much throughout it. So I definitely think you’re going to enjoy it. It’s not the best audio we’ve ever had. We had some difficulty because my mic was turned up a little high. I don’t know how it happened, but it happened. But definitely listen to Will, and it’s definitely worth it. Make sure you listen all the way to the end because she gives some amazing advice that you can literally go out and start using today. But before we jump into it, I just want to give a shout out to our sponsors, Combatant Gentlemen. Combat and Gentleman is an online menswear company whose mission is to help guys dress smarter and cheaper. What’s unique about them is that they actually raise their own sheep and plant their own pie. So they have zero middlemen and control every aspect of their production. They do this so that they can offer the highest-quality clothes at unbeatable prices. And I mean unbeatable; you can get a 100% Italian wool suit for $160. And it’s beautiful. Nobody else could offer these kinds of prices. Because nobody else raises their own sheep, plants, or chi, they all have middlemen; they all have to raise their prices or go out of business. Check out combatjet.com and really start to enhance your wardrobe without destroying your budget. And if you use the code men’s proof at checkout, you’ll get a free tie with any purchase. These guys are unbeatable. Check them out. So without further ado, here is my interview with Kezia Noble, the world’s leading female pickup coach. Hey guys, welcome back. I’m here with Kezia Noble from Kuzia Dash Novel.com. She is the world’s leading female dating expert for men. Thank you so much for coming to the show.

Kezia

Thank you so much for having me.

Sean

Yeah, absolutely. I love what you do. And your job title as the world’s leading female dating expert for men is incredible. How did you become this person?

How did you get into the pickup artist business?

Kezia 

When a pickup artist approached me in a nightclub in 2006, it all began. I had no idea what that even was. But this pickup artist is quite well known in Europe; he still has his own company, teaching men how to pick up women, which is not something that I do so much. Now his stuff is a little bit more gamey. So I’ve moved away from that. But anyway, back to the story. He approached me, and he told me that he was running boot camps. And he wanted some wind girls, some women; they’re just giving feedback on the lines that the guys are experimenting with the students. So I was like, You know, I’m kind of a curious person. I thought and said, Listen, I want you to go very, very direct. And I’m very, very honest. And some of your customers might not appreciate that. Well, actually, he saw the potential, and then he was like, No, you definitely have to come now. So I went there. I was my usual honest, direct self. And as I was getting my coat to leave, I thought, Well, I’m not going to be invited here again. I realized that there was a queue of guys waiting to talk to me after the boot camp with more questions because they said they’d never had a woman just be so honest and give such direct insights into the female mind with, you know, no ball at all. It’s just the complete, on-the-money truth. So they invited me to work for them as one of their head instructors, and news traveled fast thanks to the internet about what I was doing for guys and helping them achieve. And I realized that was not honest female advice in this market in this community; it was women just giving very, very vague dating advice such as just being yourself and smiling more. And I thought, No, this is making guys into nice guys; you’ve got to make them into the amazing guy or the bad guy, but not the nice guy. Anyway, as I said, News travels fast, and I got a book deal. And then I launched my own company with my own structures, my own boot camps, my seven-day Mastery course, and my own line of products. And since then, it’s just gone from strength to strength.

Sean 

It’s incredible. And so essentially, you teach guys to not meet women in a pickup artist way but kind of be more natural, and essentially, you teach them how to become attractive to even the most beautiful women.

Kezia

Exactly. And I’m having a go at picking up artists. But since the game and since mystery, which, by the way, I have a lot of respect for, I’m not here to tarnish anyone’s name at all. And I’ve met the guy—a fantastic guy. But things have evolved since then. It’s not a case of just using routines anymore. People want something that is a lot more organic and more congruent with who they are. They want to learn the natural game; they don’t want to just have a few pickup routines. So that’s what I mean when I say I don’t teach pickup seven routines; I teach something that is just a little bit more holistic, I would say, but still gets very powerful results, if not more. So.

Managing your limiting beliefs

Sean 

Yeah, I find that to be the most important thing as well. I have actually worked with the guys from DayGame.com. A lot. And I know you know a lot, man. I’ve been learning about it through their products, how to meet women myself, and then teaching men how to do it. On my end, would you say that what you teach is pretty much similar to that, or is it different?

Kezia

Thanking? I do like them. I used to work with one of them a long time ago at the previous company. And the problem with them is that they’re limited to daytime. I teach data mining, nighttime sex escalation, and even a little bit of relationship games, believe it or not, which is a new thing that I’m pretty good at. But yeah, I don’t really know their work. So I can’t comment. But if you think it’s natural, then yeah, I guess it isn’t on the same level.

Sean 

Okay, yeah. And I definitely want to jump into what you teach and everything. But I have a bunch of questions here. I actually have some user questions as well, from Raiders. I told them I was going to be interviewing you. And they emailed me with what they wanted to ask. So we’ll do about 10 to 15 minutes. And I’ll try to get inside your mind about a lot of questions that I would love to have answered by a beautiful woman. So we’ll do that if you don’t mind. And then we’ll jump into how you teach guys to be more attractive to women. Is that cool? Alright, so I’m really curious. I don’t know if you guys know what she looks like, but if you don’t, you should google her and check out her YouTube channel because she is a very beautiful woman. And I’m really curious: how many times during the average day do you actually get hit on and approached by guys who don’t really know who you are?

Barely, barely, ever I’ll explain why I get a lot of guys checking me out. I get guys staring at me. I get guys looking at me. But actually, guys are not approaching me a lot. And that goes to my beautiful friends, or so it seems. And that goes for my less attractive friends. Men are dazzled by beauty. I’m not saying I’m beautiful. Other people have said that I could do this to be a few inches taller. But yeah, I don’t get looked at a lot. And a lot of beautiful women say, You know, guys are just looking at us but not approaching us because they’re dazzled. And when you see a beautiful woman, all these things come into their heads, such as, You know, she’s going to have a rich boyfriend. She likes older men; that’s a big one. She’s going to be high maintenance, and she’s going to be difficult because she probably comes with baggage. People come up with all these reasons not to talk to a beautiful woman. So the first thing that I teach my students is how to use my management techniques to manage those limiting beliefs. Remember, she’s always a five, and you’re always a 10. I always tell them they have to approach a situation like that. If she really is a 10, You’re 12. Because that’s the only way to slay those who know that the moment you look at a woman and you start entertaining your mind, it ain’t with these excuses. That’s when you’ve already convinced yourself; that’s when the negative pattern already begins. And you’ll just find that the negative pattern flows and flows and flows until you’ve created just a wall between you and that woman. So even if you do go to approach her, it’s just got a very negative energy force around it.

Sean 

Yeah. Getting in my head was one of my big crumbs. And it’s definitely hard to overcome. You know, it’s very daunting. Are there any other tips you have to have for guys to be able to adopt that mindset and truly believe that they’re the 10? And she’s the fifth when they’re overwhelmed by this girl?

How to get over approach anxiety?

Kezia

Oh, absolutely. I have learned loads of techniques to get over my anxiety. For instance, on my seven-day course, what I used to do when I was a rookie, when I was starting out, was get guys’ results. But I would spend two days just helping them overcome those initial nerves. I’d use NLP techniques; I would give them exposure therapy and desensitization exercises, which I can go into more detail about later on. And what would happen is that after two days of just getting out of their comfort zone, actually doing it, and feeling the fear, the approach anxiety would wear off. However, what would happen on the third day is that the anxiety would come back. And I thought This is very interesting. Why is it coming back, like on the third day, just as they got rid of it? It’s because they then discovered what is essentially most guys biggest sticking point, which is running out of things to say. It’s massive. I mean, I have a conversation skills DVD set that has sold thousands of copies. Gaia has realized that this is the basis of the interaction. So what I do now is simultaneously work on their conversation skills. Because when you become a master conversationalist, when you understand conversation as witchcraft—and I do call it conversation as witchcraft because it is that powerful—it will never lead you into that state of decision-making paralysis where you don’t know what to talk about, which fuels the initial anxiety that you feel. You see, anyone who’s a master conversationalist—yeah, they might get a bit of adrenaline or a little bit of nerves when they approach somebody, but not enough to hold them back. Because they know that they can connect with that person, they can inspire that person, they can challenge that person, and they can do all sorts of fantastic, intricate things with their conversation skills. So you’re never left in that awful kind of no man’s land with nothing to say. So you have to work simultaneously on Yes, physically overcoming that approach is done by actually going and doing it and getting out of your comfort zone. But at the same time, you have to know that you can’t kid yourself; you have to genuinely know that you can hold a conversation with anyone. It doesn’t matter what age they are, what background they’re from, or what culture they’re from. Regardless, you can hold a conversation, and it can be a fantastic conversation that will grab their attention. So close. And it will make you a woman’s main priority in under one minute. That’s powerful.

Sean 

Yeah, that’s really powerful. And you mentioned that you had some NLP techniques or other styles of techniques. Are there any that you could adequately explain over audio that guys could go out and start using?

How to use nerves to increase excitement

Kezia

Of course, why not an NLP practitioner? I do have an NLP practitioner on my team called Rebecca, who is probably the most beautiful NLP practitioner in the world. But what I do know is that anchoring certain words to certain emotions can have a great deal of use, make a big impact, and create a shift in your perception of the situation. So for instance, instead of saying,I’m nervous, I have anxiety, you replace that with, “I’m approaching adrenaline, approaching excitement, if you think about it. Anchoring is something that has been taught to us since we were very, very young children. Now when we were nervous, like maybe we were going to do a school show or, I don’t know, we were going to do an exam when we were little kids, a piano exam, whatever it was, you know, when we used to feel really nervous, our stomach would be like in knots. Yeah, and it would be really tight, and we’d feel sick and weak. Notice our parents or our teachers and go, You know, I feel terrible. What is this feeling? And they go; it’s just butterflies. And they were very clever because that was a way to calm us down because butterflies are for most people, and if they have a phobia, which is out there, they do have a positive association with butterflies. So rather than telling a kid the truth, which is, Oh, you’re really nervous, and your stomach muscles are going into spasms right now, They say it’s just butterflies, and we still use it when someone says, Are you nervous? When do we want to take control of the situation? What do we say? It’s just butterflies? Yeah, so we actually use this all the time. But if you become aware of it, it becomes super powerful. It’s great. It’s a great skill set to have. So when you look at a beautiful woman, I feel fear, anxiety, and excitement. I’m turned on. When you see a beautiful woman, it’s much, much better to embrace the fact that you’re on some level sexually aroused by the woman. A lot of guys know that. No, I don’t want to sound creepy. But that’s a lot more empowering than saying, I’m nervous. It’s an alpha trait. If you look at Alpha men, they look at women sexually. They do, and women don’t think they’re creepy. You know, they look at women. They look at her in a manner that suggests, Well, I’m horny. I’m turned on. That woman’s body captivates me; this is what is going through his mind. He’s not thinking, What do I say? Oh, she’s so beautiful. You know, I feel so nervous. I’m struggling here. He doesn’t use those negative descriptions; he uses something much more positive. That puts him in charge, not her. Yeah. So yeah, anchoring is my big thing. But I don’t, and as I said, I wouldn’t go into any more detail than that. I’m much more about exercises, doing desensitization exercises, and exposure therapy-based exercises. Depending on the person, some people work better with exposure, and some people work better with desensitization.

Sean 

Yeah, and I really liked that one set that you gave, essentially, framing nerves that you would put into a kind of excitement and arousal. And if you guys want to learn more about all these different techniques and what she teaches, as she said, she runs boot camps all over the world, and you can go to our website, and she teaches you all about this stuff. But I want to jump on to the next question, which is, have you said that you don’t often get hit on? Do you and your friends like to be hit on during the day? Is it going to be annoying when guys come up to you if you’re shopping in the mall and stop you?

The difference between American and European approaches

Kezia

Okay, one thing I missed out on was that I get it; this is for your American listeners. I get approached a lot more in America than in Europe; Europe is slightly more conservative than America is socially awkwardly conservative. So just allow me to go back to that point. Americans have a lot more social confidence, especially in Los Angeles, and a lot more social competence. Because usually, they’re trying to find someone who can, you know, maybe further their career somewhere. That’s a mass stereotype. I’m sorry, I don’t want to offend anyone from LA; it’s

Sean 

It’s probably accurate. You know, I actually haven’t been to LA, like I told you earlier. But yeah, from what I hear, it’s a lot more open than it is even here in New York.

Kezia

Yes. Oh, very much. So. Which is actually quite funny. Because in LA boot camps, I always say, Listen, the girls are much more sociable here, but it’s a false sense of comfort. Whereas in Europe, we have to work a lot harder to actually get into the set. But I do get approached a lot more in America. So I was referring more to England, as it has more of an issue with British guys having approach anxiety and social awkwardness. But I will try to keep this a little bit more American for you. I’m sure most of your listeners are Americans. So I’m going to go into that zone a little bit more. Okay. So I get annoyed with it. Yes, we get very annoyed by guys approaching us when they are wasting our time. Okay, if a guy approaches you well, then that initial Oh God, someone’s coming up to me. I can turn around very, very quickly. Those guys know what they’re doing very quickly; they can turn around and always get my attention. And now he’s become my main focus, and eating this ice cream or lining up, you know, in Starbucks to get my coffee has taken second place very, very quickly. So it’s very, very important when you’re approaching women in the daytime. To get those few men Once right, you have more flexibility in the evening to get things wrong; you don’t have a lot, but you have more than you do in the daytime, especially if the girl is walking in a shopping mall. I do prefer being approached in shopping malls. And I do encourage my students to approach shopping malls rather than the street. But yes, the initial feeling is, Oh, God, someone’s talking to me. And I don’t feel like talking because I’d rather be on Facebook on my iPhone. If he can get it right in the first few seconds, then it doesn’t matter if it’s daytime or nighttime.

Sean 

All right, yeah. So when you say, If you can get it right, describe that, like, What would make the guy come up to you? And you think, Oh, God, here we go again, and then you are told this. Flip that to being like, Wow, I’m really intrigued here. What does that guy typically do?

Kezia

Well, when someone’s got no purpose to their conversation, there’s no game plan. There’s no structure; you can usually feel it. You must consider what you have to offer this woman in the present moment. That’s more important than her Starbucks coffee. And a lot of guys get caught up in this and think, Oh, but I’m a really interesting person, and I’m a really successful person. And if only she got to know me, then it’d be absolutely fine. So it’s her fault because she hasn’t had the patience to get to know how wonderful I am. Bullshit. Oh, excuse me. Am I allowed to? Go ahead. Okay, well, that’s bullshit. Okay, because right now, it comes down to the fact that you are competing with Starbucks coffee. Yes, it does come down to the fact that you can be the most omitted; you can be James Bond, double. Oh, seven. She doesn’t know that. So you have to get your character and your sense of purpose as a man across very, very quickly, without obviously telling her, Hey, I’m a fabulous person. Come get to know me. So what I like first of all is to work out if the person prefers to do direct or indirect; I find direct is better for daytime. But a lot of men prefer indirect communication, and that’s fine. But let’s stick with direct. If a guy’s going to go direct, I always like the first line to be

This is so random but I feel compelled

Kezia

This is so random. I love that line. Because random is good, random is exciting. You know that a woman wants to be able to say that she met her boyfriend, like at Starbucks or in a bookstore. I mean, there’s a romantic connotation to that, more than when I met him in a dirty nightclub when I was sweating and drinking alcohol. And that’s supposed people meet it. I met him online. And that’s got to be the worst story that they get to share with their female friends. Like, this guy came up to me in Starbucks. And you know, I just don’t know. And the next thing I know, I’m having coffee with him. And next thing I know, you know, we’re meeting up on a date. So this is so random. shows her look; I don’t do this usually. So I’m not the creepy guy. This is so random. It adds a surprise. And it’s like we’re both in the same boat together because this is random for you. And this is random for me. So this is so random. But I feel compelled to tell you something. I like the word compelled because it breaks patterns. About pattern breaking, I believe everything has to do with gamers two things: pattern breaking and Bo, and being able to perceive a negative as a potential positive when you get those two things. I mean, he had done, you know, if you understand them, and you can, you can appreciate how important those two factors are. You’re there. So I felt compelled to do it. It’s a little bit, and I think this is based on hypnosis. That’s a hypnotist who actually told me I use natural hypnosis. This or something like that—I’m a natural at it. Because it’s all about breaking people out of their autopilot mode and almost temporarily confusing them. And I never knew it, but I’ve done this all my life. So I picked the word because I felt compelled to tell you something. And then it’s a stop. And she’s like, What? Now? Why? Why do I want her to say what? Because it gets used to her. Being curious and asking you questions. I like to force the person to start asking me questions. I like to change the pattern because if you’re doing all the work, then you’re setting the tone for the rest of the interaction.

Sean 

Yeah. So is that like going up and saying, Hey, I just saw you, and I felt compelled to come over here and tell you, You look very beautiful? You know, you’re doing everything at once.

Kezia

Exactly. It’s not fun. You know? We want to be curious. It’s like a trailer. It’s like an introduction. It’s like the intro to an amazing song, right? We all love the end. shows me, like, Oh, what’s coming? So she goes one step further and just gives a detailed compliment. You look fabulous. You look great. When guys say that to me, I just go, Thank you. Because there’s nothing I can comment on, you look great too. That’s not going to happen. Even if he does. Women are very unlikely to say that back. So I always say, Listen, guys, women want to feel special. They don’t want to be idolized. They want to feel special. That is the operative word here. They want to feel like the compliment is bespoke and tailor-made for them. If you give them a vague compliment, it means that you haven’t had time to really appreciate their particular type of beauty, and you haven’t appreciated the effort that they’ve put into their look. If you say you want beautiful eyes, good. Write a thank-you letter to my mom and dad. If you like the fact that she’s tall or petite, again, it’s genetics. Write a thank-you letter to her parents. It’s better to pick something that she’s worked out. So I always like something like, You look like a modern-day, Audrey Hepburn, or You look like a modern-day. Marilyn Monroe, or something like this, because it always forces a reaction from the girl. You look fantastic. It doesn’t feel detailed enough for her to give it any credibility or value. So I always say that, and it also goes back to another pattern breaker. She didn’t expect it. I like the way it can be something quite obscure and quite witty and funny. So I like the way that you wait for your Starbucks coffee. And she’s like, Oh, you’re such a joker. She was like, That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. And you can say that’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard, but it’s really quite sexy. And you’ve kind of got a smile on your face because it’s personal amusement. And it’s funny. And it’s like you’re already on this private joke together. So I’ve had my students say, I love the fact that you’re the most beautiful alien I’ve seen. What alien? Yeah. Oh, you’re not Oh, right. Okay. And it becomes like a personal show. You can practice all these throwaway sets with goals you’re not interested in just to work out what suits you and how far you can take your humor. Some guys, if you look at Russell Brand, take their humor to another dimension. And have you noticed how people just follow him? Even people who don’t find his particular sense of humor funny can’t help but follow him like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, and they can’t stop themselves because it’s so unapologetic. This is my humor, and you’re coming on a trip with me. So if a guy can get it to that level, then fantastic, but most guys can’t take it to that extent. But if they can work out where it is that they can take it, then for the sets that they’re more interested in, they’ll know their limit for now anyway.

Sean 

Yeah, that’s why I totally agree that Russell Brand is magnetic. And that’s kind of the ideal way to act around women. From your experience teaching guys so often. Would you say that even the shyest guys can learn that this is a skill that, over time, they can develop?

Kezia

I won’t tell, okay? I don’t call them Shy Guys. I call them introverted guys because I think introverted guys can be extremely sexy. I personally have always been drawn to exhibitionists, but I have dated introverts who get it right. They get the whole introverted thing, right? They’re not, but what they do is project a different kind of value. Theirs looks fake. They’re a fantastic, interesting person, but you earn to earn his right, and she has hers, which is permission to actually find out more about him, like funny debt. As a typical introvert that women fall for, a lot of James Bond’s work, such as the timid Timothy Dalton portrayal of a James Bond and even Sean Connery, was actually an introvert. A lot of people thought he wasn’t. He was an extrovert. They were introverts, so very dark, and they kept their cards close to them, whereas Roger Moore was much more exhibitionistic. There’s just something small there that I noticed. So yeah, with the introverts, I would say that they have got to go out and practice just Like everyone else, they can’t use the fact Oh, I’m quiet, and I’m shy as a waste for not going out and practicing like everyone else, because sometimes they can actually go quite far. And they don’t realize it until they do it.

Being an introvert and getting over approach anxiety

Sean 

Yeah, no, I agree, and it’s good to hear because I was always an introvert myself, and I can say that I tell everyone here all the time that I was able to get over that just by pure exposure, you know, just repetition of doing it, approaching, approaching. And it does help. And I still have that sense of approaching anxiety. But hopefully, with some of the tips that you’ve shared here today, I’ll be able to work on that even more.

You’ll probably never be the life and soul party; you’ll probably always be the guy who takes a step back, likes to listen to other people, and likes to observe. But as long as your game and your strikes during your techniques are congruent with that, then you can be just as active and successful with women as the extroverts out there.

Sean 

Yeah, absolutely. I totally agree. I actually find it to be somewhat of an advantage because I’m a big thinker. And as you said, I can take a step back, calculate a little bit, not think in my head, and then proceed. While a lot of times extroverts are just acting without thinking, if you can kind of get over that point and combine the two, this is what I’ve found to be very effective in the game in the last three months. Here’s a good question: The game is so important. I know. But how important is everything else, like style and money, in comparison to games?

Kezia

Okay, let me put this in perspective for you. Okay. I have students from all over the world attend my events. I’ve taught 1000s and 1000s of guys; I’ve had handsome guys and I’ve had physically unattractive guys. I’ve had very wealthy, powerful guys who are also very, very big players on Wall Street. I have had funny guys; I’ve had young men, older men, black men, and white men. And regardless of their attributes, they’re still on my course. So being handsome, successful, funny, and well-traveled are attractive qualities for most people. But they’re not the attraction formula. It’s a bit like looking at a beautiful woman—you know, that stunning? Five foot 11. Blonde. And you look at her, and you’re like, Wow, that’s my wife. And then she opens her mouth. And she has, I don’t know, like a real Brooklyn accent, and I’m not offending anyone from Brooklyn, but some people are like, Whoa, no, no, that’s too. That’s not what I expected. And it can break a hole; it can shatter a whole illusion. She could be, you know, chewing gum, or she could be stupid, but he’s completely turned off. Yeah, she’s beautiful. But he doesn’t see the beauty as much anymore. So there are attractive qualities. And then there’s the attraction formula. And that’s why there are so many men out there who are not good-looking, who are not particularly successful, and who are getting all the hot women. The problem is when you go and ask these guys, whom we call naturals. Look, you know, you’re five feet four, you’re bored, and you’ve got no money. Why? Why do you have all these women around you? How do you do it? He’ll say to you, Well, just be yourself. Just say some jokes. Smile, and you’re like, Gee, thanks. What I do is break it down, like the naturals do, in a step-by-step format, pass it on, and go back to my ex-boyfriends. You were all naturals. But yet, if you lined them up and interviewed them, you wouldn’t be able to see any correlation. You’d be like, This guy’s a drug dealer. Um, this one is a religious person. And if this one’s tall and this one’s short, where’s the correlation?

The importance of having a game plan

Kezia

And the truth is that they just had the attraction formula. They told us about having a structure and a goal plan. What most guys do is talk to a woman and just freestyle it, hoping they get lucky. And when they do get lucky, And someone says, Hey, you know, how did you get that hot woman the other night? They’ll say, Oh, we just clicked. Okay, the problem with Just clicking is that you can’t copy and paste that and get the same results. It’s a case of luck; maybe you’re in a good mood that day; she was on a level; maybe a couple of drinks; music; I don’t know if you’re in a good mood; you know you’re at a time in your life where both of you are looking for someone; it could be a multitude of things. And you have to just keep relying on external factors to guide you toward the woman of your dreams. And it’s great when that happens. But maybe we’ll come to a point when you’re 38 and your friends are married, and it’s not so easy anymore. So what I do, guys is create structure and a game plan. Within their interactions, you see women; this is where women excel. Women never say I got lucky; they’re much, much more strategic. When it comes to seduction, a woman will get her man. And I’ve seen how women can get obsessed; they’re like, I will get him one way or another; I will get that pie. And nine times out of 10, they will get the guy that they want. They will use everything; they’ll use every trick; they’ll become someone else. If they have to for a month, they’ll do everything; they’ve got a game plan, whereas guys, it’s much more; I just want to freestyle. I just want to ad-lib and see how it goes. You know, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, whatever. No, having a game plan will actually increase your chances of getting the woman that you desire. And I’ve created something called a five-phase format that really, really helps guys keep their game. Strategically, without the woman realizing it, it looks like he’s just a natural. The first one is making an impact. The second one is pattern-breaking. The third one is connection. The fourth is attraction spikes. And the fifth one is the clothes. And if the guy has that structure in place when he’s starting out, he’ll find it a lot easier to add routines, sound bites, and anything else that he wants to do. Because the structure is there, the bedrock is there, and the foundation supporting everything is in place. And you’ll find that he’s just making things a lot easier. It stops you drifting and getting lost in space during an interaction, letting it fizzle out and just going, Oh, well, I’d like to do the junk check instead today.

Sean 

Yeah, no, that’s actually very interesting, because, like I told you, I’ve been doing a lot of this stuff for the last three to six months. And a lot of what I’ve learned from various people, whether it be Daygame or the guys from RSD, has been to, you know, start out with a little bit of structure. So you can start to gain some confidence but then start to, you know, just go into a conversation and kind of improvise it based on confidence and everything. And I think I definitely would benefit from a little bit more structure like you were just talking about because I find that it has been a problem of mine that things will just fizzle out. Sometimes I’ll take a left turn, and I haven’t been getting consistent results. So do think for like five minutes. You can just go over in a little bit of detail each one of the steps that you just talked about.

to go into the I know it’s

Sean 

If it’s too much, then

Kezia

It’s like each one deserves half an hour. Okay. Yeah. You know, I want to be able to do it justice. Let me touch on a point in the five-face format pitch, which actually just strengthens what you said just now. Because you touched on something very important. You said something that you said, which is that you don’t know whether to turn left or turn right. This usually happens around the two transition points in an interaction. There’s the first transition point, which is from the introduction to the comfort stage. And when I say current stage, it means keeping her full attention and having a great conversation with her that really connects. And the second time, which is the transition from, you know, having a platonic, amazing conversation to something more sexual, It’s effectively the sexual escalation stage, from comfort to seduction. Yeah. So let’s look at the last part of the comfort stage, which is the third phase of the format, which is connection. So when you’ve made a connection with a woman and you’ve got past the bitchy kind of routines and you’ve got past the fake eyelashes and the persona that she wears when she goes out and you’re actually talking to her, you’re actually in the friend zone, and this is where people panic. They start going, Oh my god, you know, there’s nothing going on here, and I don’t know, maybe I should just leave it here. And then arrange a date, and then maybe, you know, kiss her or sexually escalate. But if you realize that you can get into the friend zone within 20 minutes, that’s actually amazing. Okay, that means that you’ve gone, you’ve become her main priority, you’ve got her full attention, you’ve broken all those patterns, and you’ve made a deep connection. So the friend zone is a benchmark; in this particular scenario, the differences are that you don’t want to get friends locked. Okay, there’s a big difference between friend zone and friends locked. People get friends locked because they don’t apply phases four and five, attraction spikes, and sexual tension accelerators; they don’t know whether some are left or right because of those structures. So they get stuck in this really amazing conversation.

The importance of having structure in your relationships

Kezia

And they think You know what? I’m not going to sabotage it; I’ll end it there. And we’ll just swap numbers. The problem with that is that it can keep friends locked up for a long time. So that’s why having structure is so important. So when I say to guys, Look, you’ve made a connection; she’s interested in you, But she’s not sexually interested in you yet, That’s your role as a man—to either extract it from her if she is or to actually bring the idea to her mind. So I will then use things such as, You know, I just realized why I like you. I know. I know now why I’m attracted to you. And that’s it; rather than saying, Hey, I’m really attracted to you, you finally found the reason why you’re attracted to her. So you’re letting her know that you are attracted, but in a way that plays with her curiosity again, and then she’s like, Why?” So there’s already much more positive than her reacting by saying, Oh, I didn’t realize you were going to say that. So, I know what it is that makes me attracted to you. Now. She wants to know about herself. And then you can say anything you want, including the fact that you can give a physical compliment. It’s because you keep doing this with your mouth. Or you can say to her something about her energy, her spirit, her passion for life, or the fact that you know why I’m attracted to you now. Why? Because you’re a drama queen, and I’m attracted to them. It can be something that people usually criticize her about but that you find really sexy—anything. But it’s now slowly making that transition away from the friend zone. And if you know how to apply attraction, spikes, verbal and nonverbal, and sexual tension accelerators, and you know how to flirt, then you’ll never get frightened. Again, you’ll never have that fear of rejection; you will never be outcome-dependent. Because you know how to do it. Remember, if she’s attracted to you, you need to bring the attraction to the surface. And if she’s not yet attracted to you, it’s because you haven’t allowed her to be attracted to you; you’ve done nothing sexy; you’ve done nothing that has provoked her imagination; you’ve just been a great person to talk to. And women are quite happy to say, I’ll leave it as that; I’ll just have another person that’s fantastic to talk to. And another friend to add to my list is your duty as a man to actually change the dynamics. And you can only do that if you know how and have a structure. Otherwise, we’ll end up lost in space and just stuck in the friend zone. Which is friend-locked. I hope that explains and adds strength to my conviction. Structure.

Sean 

Absolutely. It really, really does. Just hearing you say that was amazing, because I think that’s the point where I’ve been stuck in the last few weeks in interactions: that escalation to a little bit of a yes, sexuality, and making that connection. And you’re just saying that right there. I can see how that could work so easily. During my interactions, I think it’s really going to take me to the next level. And just listening to everything that you had to say today was so refreshing, and I never really knew much about you and what you did, but I never got too deep into your teachings. But I think that after today, that’s definitely going to change. And I think that anyone listening, if you’re more interested in what Cassia teaches, can head to her website, KeziaDashNoble.com. And she’s got an incredible YouTube channel. She’s got a blog, she does boot camps, she’s got books, and what a lot of myself What else do you have? Why don’t you tell everyone where else they can find you and what you have going on?

Kezia

Okay, so I’m based in London, and most of my boot camps are now in England rather than America. But that’s why I have quite a portfolio of products that I’ve put together. For people that can’t get to London, I have products, such as Attraction to Seduction, that cover more of the sexual escalation side of things: seducing women and getting women into bed. And overcoming last-minute resistance. That’s a big one, by the way, and I had to cover that in the DVDs. I look at conversation structure with the 10 Hook Lead System and deep connection. I have ebooks on online dating on how to make it work for you or have another go against you. If you do choose the online dating text game, once you get the number, turn it into a date. For the maximum impact, I’ve got loads of DVDs. If you look through the Products section of my website, you’ll be able to find a DVD set that suits what you want. Or you can get the bundle pack with the bundle pack, which is a huge discount if you choose that. Then I have my seven-day Mastery course, which takes place in London and is a bespoke, tailor-made seven-day experience that is a life-changing event. And if you go to the page for the seven-day mastery course, you’ll find all the video testimonials there. And yeah, you can check out a lot of the articles I write for Men’s Fitness and The Huffington Post, so you can stay connected that way. And you can follow me on Twitter and my Facebook fan page.

Sean 

No, that’s great. And it’s been a pleasure having you here; I’ve learned so much. I’m sure everyone else did. And I wish you the best of luck with everything else that you have going on.

Oh, thank you. And I really enjoyed answering those questions. They’re really good questions. And some of the stuff that I’ve shared with your listeners is quite advanced, and I just hope that it benefits them and that they get a lot out of those solutions.

Sean 

I definitely, definitely think they will. So this has been awesome. And guys, you can find any links to anything that we talked about here in the show notes at menprovement.com/npp 010. Alright guys, thanks for tuning in, and have a great day.

Menprovement Podcast 

Thanks for listening to the Men’s Progress podcast with Sean Russell. Get more episodes, more tips, and download our free self-improvement ebooks at www.menprovement.com.