Podcast 002: What Does it Actually Mean to be an Alpha Male

Transcription

Sean 

This is the MenProvement podcast episode two.

Menprovement Podcast 

If you’re ready to take your life to the next level, then you’re in the right place. Get all the information you need to improve everything and live life like a pro. This is the MenProvement podcast with Sean Russell.

introducing J.D. Dallas

Sean 

What is up, guys? Thanks for tuning in. I’m totally pumped to have you guys here. This is the first official episode of the MenProvement podcast. We had a quick intro if you listened to it, but this episode is where we’re going to start jumping into applicable ways to improve your life and become a better man.

When I started MenProvement.com, my goal was to provide a complete Resource Center for men to improve their lives and to help build a better class of men. Because, quite frankly, there are so many fucking problems in the world today, and men are becoming more and more weak, feminized, and just almost pathetic at times. So I think for this first show, we have a great topic because, in this world of, you know, being manly and being macho, there’s a lot of confusion on what it really means to be manly and a great man. And surrounding that confusion is the definition and,you know, the viewpoint on being an alpha male.

And what I’ve noticed is that over the last decade or so, the term alpha male has actually become associated with being pretty much a douchebag. And being an asshole and, you know, looking down at women and other people—that’s, to me, nonsense. So I brought a guest on here who actually teaches men to be more alpha to shed some light on what it really does mean to be an alpha male and how you can use this term to actually become a better, more well-rounded, confident, beautiful person, as well as being extremely manly, getting what you want, getting beautiful women, making money, and just being an absolute boss.

So my guest today is Mr. JD Dallas from modernmillionlifestyle.com. And we’ll jump right into the podcast. What’s going on? JD? How are you, brother?

J.D. Dallas 

How are you? It’s a pleasure to be here. All right, man. Yeah, thanks for asking. I love the topic today. I didn’t know that’s what we were going to talk about. So jog the memory banks here. And we’ll get rolling.

Sean 

Absolutely. I brought you with me. Because, you know, quite frankly, I’m pretty appalled at what I’ve been seeing around the web these days when it comes to the meaning of what it means to be an alpha male.

J.D. Dallas 

Well, it depends on where you look. I’ll tell you that, you know, sites like mine, for example, It’s all positive. But I’m interested to hear what you’ve been finding and see if it’s in line with the same kind of thing I’ve been hearing.

Confident and Unstoppable: The Core of an Alpha Male

Sean 

Yeah, and I’ll start with a quick story. Back in August 2013, when I started MenProvement.com and everything else I’m doing, I met a couple of kids who were also starting websites, and they wanted to pretty much team up and collaborate. So I was like, Alright, I’m open to it. And let me first start by saying that when I first started the site, I had this picture of what I thought a real man was and what I wanted to help people improve to be, and I guess that that guy was kind of like, you know, confident, comfortable in his own skin, loyal, honorable, kind of like the James Bond character of the real world.

You know, that would be my idea of what it would mean to be an alpha male, you know? Yeah, I think you’re on the right track. Yeah, so I met these guys, and you know, they hit me up, and one of them had a great website; it was all about, you know, being personally free and detached from, like, corporate life and all that. But the other one was, you know, I remember the website where I actually found it today: alphamalemakeover.com.

And I’ll never forget this because I was like, Alright, yeah, I’ll go on, and I went on the second kid site, Alpha Male Makeover, and I saw his latest article, which was titled 10 things you should demand from women. And I’m like, What is this kid all about? And I go on, and it’s just completely misogynistic, like, they had terrible articles like Number one, demand cooked meals, Number two, demand to clean house, Number three, demand she raises your children, No complaints, and I’m like, Jesus. This is the worst thing I’ve ever fucking read in my life.

Like, is this what people think men are supposed to be like? Is this what people think alpha males are supposed to be like? Because it was like news to me. I was shocked. I was actually shocked.

J.D. Dallas 

Well, you know, I was just talking to a guy last night, as you know, I coach lots of guys, you know, over the phone over Skype, you know, and he was having this exact same reaction that you were having. He found my website because he has this girl who he keeps ending up in the friendzone with, and she actually came right out and told him, I’m tired of being the dominant person in a relationship. I’m looking for a dominant man.

And so he went online and started googling all this stuff to try to find out what it was. And he said until he got to my website, and I know this sounds like a big advertisement from my website. But there’s a point here, he said; everything that he had thought, heard, and read about alpha males was negative, that it’s some asshole, some jerk. This is a totally self-centered meathead.

You know, intimidating and all that kind of stuff now. Yeah. It struck me, you know, he was he until I got to your stuff, he said. He goes, It’s actually a positive thing, isn’t it? And I was like, Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think there’s a fine line between Shawn, you know, what, that guy on that website was writing, you know, like demand meals barefoot pregnant in the kitchen, all that stuff? Yeah, at some point along the line, I think the state of the American male has started to go into shambles because men don’t know how to be men anymore, and we have become a lot more feminized.

You know, there are a lot of dating gurus and relationship coaches out there that will say, Hey, sometimes to get a girl, you need to act like one, and all kinds of other bad advice. And, you know, we, as men, don’t want our women to become more manly, do we? You know, we’re not Yeah, of course. But you know, we don’t. We don’t; we’re not attracted to that. And they’re not attracted to men who are girly now. And I think this is just in the last, oh, geez, I don’t know, 100 years or so that we go to the movies, and the big fat doofus ends up with the hot chick at the end of the movie. Or we watch television.

And the big, fat doofus husband has this skinny, pretty intelligent wife. And yeah, we get these messages that you can have a closet full of bowling shirts and don’t have to do anything to improve yourself. And you can have any woman you want and any lifestyle that you want. and I think it’s just not true.

You know, when your mom told you, Oh, just be yourself; be nice to her, but you know, bring her flowers and all that stuff. Your mom wasn’t telling you how to make yourself look good. She was telling you how to make herself look good. You know, Mom wanted to look good because she raised you. Yeah, that makes sense.

Do you know?

And then. So, you know, with that as a background, we can get into, like, how gender roles have been changed and all that over the last couple of decades.

But I think the bottom line is that with that as the backdrop, We say, Well, if you’re not this nice guy, then the opposite must be a bad guy. And yeah, if an alpha is not a quote, unquote, nice guy, then the alpha must be a bad guy. And I think nothing could be further from the truth. You know, I mean, is that the only thing that you’ve seen out there?

Sean 

Well, I mean, it’s not the, you know, there are so many alpha male sites out there; it’s actually pretty insane.ou know, there’s like, I know, I know, personally, of like, almost 10, alpha male may go over, you know, Apex alpha male, it seems like everyone’s trying to be this alpha male. But you know, when I actually spoke with a good friend of mine, Eduardo, who contributes some to improvement.com, he wrote a couple amazing articles.

You know, the first one’s titled, like, the age of the modern gentleman, and the second one’s titled, how to develop self-confidence, like a modern gentleman, and we both like to brainstorm on Skype for almost two to three hours. about,  you know, what is this new modern gentleman like, kind of like the James Bond of 30 years ago, but now and today, and we pretty much boiled it down to like, this ideal man that I would want to be is like the kind of guy who’s like, you know, well-cultured and well-traveled. Interesting, like filled with layers and layers and layers. is like, you know, you meet a woman and she gets to know you.

And she just finds out new things about you every time you meet. You know, someone who speaks multiple languages is like, you know, completely comfortable in his own skin and vulnerable. He respects women, but he knows how to attract women by being a sexy, confident man, like Camus.

J.D. Dallas 

Who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t want to be that guy, especially the way that you describe them?

Sean 

Yeah, so that’s the guy that I try to, you know, frame a lot of my articles around when I talk about, like, you know, some of my articles are not flashy or anything, and they talk about little things like the power of belief, and like, you know, all these things, but really, it’s all just cultivating yourself into this modern gentleman that we envision, like this really, you know, beyond the typical American who sits around and watches sitcoms and porn, and like, you know, and just into this really, like, just really distinguished man, you know, like, like, like, a modern day Renaissance man.

Breaking Free: Escaping the Beta Male Stereotype

J.D. Dallas 

Well, I think you’re absolutely right. And you know, I applaud what you do at men’s prom. You know, that’s what attracted me to the site in the first place. And, you know, this societal thing where men are either these beta males or assholes, you know, that it didn’t seem to be in between that the majority of men, I contend, This is why I say that the state of the American male is in shambles. I believe that the vast majority of men are beta. And that is why

Sean 

So, so sorry. No, it’s all good. Well,

J.D. Dallas 

That is why we see women falling for some of these jerks and some of these assholes, because there aren’t enough alphas out there for them to be attracted to, and the jerks and the hassles and the guy down at the gas station that, you know, bangs her and doesn’t call her and goes out with her mother and all these other things, but she just won’t leave him. He’s so sure of himself, even though he’s in a hole, that he stands out against all the other betas in the world. And it’s just one little piece of an alpha trait that he’s showing, which is that he just doesn’t care. He’s all about himself. Yeah.

And, you know, she falls for that guy because, compared to the normal, nice guy, the normal beta guy, he must be alpha. And that’s what, you know, a lot of guys end up thinking—like, why is she with him? What does she do with that guy, or does all she do is complain to me about these assholes that she’s sleeping with? And, you know, I would treat her this way. Now, it would be nice and all this, and there’s nothing wrong with being nice. I think that, you know, I like the way you call it the modern gentleman; I’d like to think that chivalry is not dead. And it shouldn’t be, you know when it gets right down to it.

If you go back into the history and evolution of men, you know, women instinctually at one point were looking for a strong man, and what I mean by that is a strong protector, a strong provider, and someone that they could count on because a woman has a lot more invested in a relationship. Especially when we think of the origin of our species, child rearing, just having the baby in her belly for nine months—yeah, she’s not as physically strong as a man, you know. And that’s a place where men and women don’t equal. and it’s fine.

But that just means we’re different. You know, and she needed to know that the guy was going to be able to fend off a bear that tried to get into their cave, and he was going to bring home food for her and her children. And he was going to be able to protect her, build shelter, and build fire. And, you know, that’s how we got here. Today, you and I, Sean, and every other man listening to this are products of a long line of alpha DNA.

Because the strongest survive. And yeah, you know, that’s, so I think that the beta male traits are learned and that we all are instinctually alpha, but we have learned to suppress that and learn to be beta, you know, like, just for example, little things like, you know, if you don’t stop playing with it, you’ll go lined. You know, it’s just an urge that you have; everybody does that, you know? Yeah, everybody growing up going through puberty masturbates if God didn’t want us to fap our arms would be shorter, you know?

And you know men have lots of urges.

Yeah. And they’re told that they’re bad for having them. You’re like, Oh, you want to have sex with more than one woman? You’re a pervert, you know, more so as you get older, you know? Oh, you’re 30. And you’re attracted to an 18-year-old? That’s a societal thing.

Sean 

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I want to jump in because, you know, what you are saying here is beautiful. Because now I feel, you know, we didn’t have much of a direction; we kind of just wing it here.

But now I know, like, pretty much exactly where I’d like to go with this. You know, like, I was like your friend who told you, you know, you searched the Internet, and I kind of had a horrible view on what it means to be an alpha male; you know, I kind of hated the word. But it sounds like, you know, it’s not a bad thing. And so I want to jump in.

Because you’ve been talking a lot about this beta and alpha male, I want to jump right into it. And, you know, start asking some questions. Let’s start with, like, what is a beta male? Exactly what makes a beta male? What are some beta male traits?

J.D. Dallas 

Well, you know, I could go on about this for a long time, and you just stop me when you want me to. But the main difference between beta and alpha is that they don’t differ that much. Like I said, it won’t take that much for you to stand out in a crowd.

This is one of the top things, and this is going to sound counterintuitive, but to an alpha male, Women are not his number-one priority. And just by virtue of that, you will have more women than you know what to do with. Women are his number one priority, meaning that he himself is not his number one priority.

And the way that the Alpha attracts women is that he is always improving himself. And he is concerned about the way he looks—you know, his finances, his health, his wellness, the car, the clothes, the education that he gets—just by virtue of being that man who has all these areas of his life handled.

I love that women are attracted to him.

Sean 

That’s exactly what we’re going for with the whole modern gentleman thing. I love that. Yeah, keep going.

alpha males vs beta males

J.D. Dallas 

Well, let me just give you some beta versus alpha. You know, beta males, for example, need affirmation all the time. And from others’ perspectives, they’re really obsessed with what other people think of them. As an alpha, I believe he really doesn’t give a shite what anybody else thinks. And he’s simply confident already about how others are going to perceive him because he’s already confident in himself.

That is just one illustration. You know, another beta is a guy who will make excuses every time there’s something that he can’t do. He has an excuse, or he feels like he needs to explain himself to those around him all the time. Be on the lookout for phrases like, Well, I can’t do that, because, or, You know, if I’d have been going to the gym every day, I’d be in a lot better shape, just for no particular reason, explaining themselves and making excuses, where an alpha never puts the blame on anybody else.

Always faces obstacles head-on, regardless of what the odds of success are. And never complains about that type of stuff. Because the minute that you put the blame on somebody else for your failure or your not achieving your goal, at that particular moment, what you’re doing is saying that you don’t have the ability to achieve what you want on your own. And that sets you up for failure.

So an alpha, you know, never apologizes for his behavior unless it’s warranted. You know, we betas are constantly starting sentences with I’m sorry, but, you know, little things like that. Beta is, you know, along that same line; they tend to give up when they fail; they see no point in trying; or they’re fearful of facing failure again, and I think as the true modern gentleman For the true modern alpha, failing at anything, you know, is really only a mistake if you don’t learn from it.

Sean 

Yeah, I mean, failure is not I talked about this with Mark Summers on our podcast that we did yesterday: failure is, you know, pretty much your best friend when it comes to success. Because the more you fail, the more you’re going to succeed.

If you’ve never failed, I guarantee you’ve never stepped out and done anything worthwhile. And you know, there’s no way to succeed without failing over and over and over, especially when it comes to women and stuff because the only way to get good at talking to women is to get rejected about 1000 times.

And, you know, go out there and just do it. Yeah, never be afraid to fail. Yeah. I mean, I agree with that. 100%.

J.D. Dallas 

Well, yeah, and, you know, I think the alpha attitude is that you know, if you’re not failing, it means you’re not trying. Yeah. You know, and if you continue to do the same thing over and over, you know, this is kind of a beta male trait as well: they befriend a woman, are super nice to her, listen to all her problems, and they listen to her bitching about, you know, that guy down at the gas station that’s banging her and treating her like crap. And, you know, he always remembers her birthday.

And he’s doing all these nice things for, and the thing in their mind that goes on is, and I know this because I used to be this way. It’s like, I’m going to continue to rack up these good deeds; I’m going to be there for her; I’m going to be the shoulder for her to cry on all this stuff. And then one day, three months from now, she’s going to wake up and decide to be attracted to me based on my list of good deeds.

Sean 

Yeah, no, I agree with that. I mean, I like you.

J.D. Dallas 

As you know, attraction is not a decision. It doesn’t work on logic; it’s an emotion, an instinct, something that they feel, and then, you know, the beta is going to do that; it’s going to be that nice guy. And then when she finally rejects him, she finally has to get a restraining order because he won’t leave her alone. You know, he crawls back into his hole after three months. And then he gets up the courage to go back out and start all over again, and he does the same thing again. And what is the mindset here?

The mindset is, well, that last girl was a bitch, or she was mean to me, or she didn’t realize what a catch I am. And they do this over and over and over, and they think I haven’t met the right girl yet. Do you know? Yeah.

And what they fail to realize is that the common denominator in all their relationships isn’t the 15 different girls that ended up rejecting him; it’s him. What needs to change is him. And believe it or not, this is another counterintuitive thing. A beta has a huge ego. And it backfires on him because he is so sensitive and insecure regarding everyone else’s opinion of him. And he’s constantly trying to prove himself by qualifying himself. But he would never want to look at himself as the problem.

He doesn’t. And who among us really wants to look in the mirror and go, Hey, how’s it going this morning?

My biggest problem, but, you know, the alpha quickly realizes that, hey, I’m the common denominator in everything that I do in my life, including my relationships. And they don’t feel like they have to prove themselves, but they do know that, hey, if something’s not working, something needs to change.

I’m coming. I’m coming up for a breath of air here. How are you doing over there?

Sean 

Oh, it’s good, man. Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for enlightening me here. Because everything that you’re saying is just stuff that I already know. And I already preach and live my life by it, but I never, ever kind of pinned it to alpha and beta behavior.

You know, those words were never a part of my vocabulary. I always thought, you know, that was a little bit ridiculous. And, but, but, but literally, everything that you’re saying is like, This is beta; this is alpha. It’s like, Oh, so that’s what that actually means. Okay, that makes a lot of sense.

And I know that you know, I’ve always had those ideals and preached on them, but I never had a characteristic trait to name them by, you know,

Transforming into an Alpha: Actionable Steps for Personal Growth

J.D. Dallas 

I could give you the top 25. You know, off the top of my head. I mean, this is what I do for a living. So, you know, it’s definitely a niche of what it is that you do, because I know you are definitely dedicated to men improving all areas of their lives. And you have, you know, a staff of 20 writers to juggle with your advertisers, keeping your website up, and all that stuff.

And whereas I helped guys transform from beta to alpha, So, you know, that’s my focus. And that’s, you know, I’m glad to bring that to men. provement. So, like I told you when we started out, instinct is in your DNA. And the fact that you say, You know, I know all this already; I just didn’t realize I knew it. It’s because it is instinctual. You know, I think it’s always been there. Here’s one of my favorites for you.

Here’s a good one. It’s about being emotional. And, you know, alphas aren’t immune to emotion. But they do handle them differently. Like a beta, for example, easily blows a stack, you know, loses his temper, if somebody criticizes them or if a girl disrespects him. And this comes into play a lot. And this is how I believe women test you. And I don’t think that they do it on purpose, Shawn; I think, again, it’s an instinct because they want to mate, and I use the term mate loosely here.

But they want to mate with, you know, an Alpha Man. So how do they decide who’s alpha? You know, we’re not going to hit him over the head and drag him back to the cave or go chop down a tree to impress them. So they have to have, you know, some sort of test on one of them. I believe that if a woman can get you to react to something, if a woman can get your data sucked, you know, you’re sitting there, you’re watching the game, and you’re having a great day. And she comes in, and she wants to talk, and she’s pissed off. How many guys fall right into that trap?

Well, she’s pissed off; therefore, I must be and get into an argument with her, you know, and she, no disrespect to women, is just like anyone else; you’re not responsible for her mood. And she shouldn’t be responsible for your mood. You know, and here’s the big difference: women are emotional.

And again, are men immune to emotions?

But take the most emotional thing that you’ve ever felt, Shawn, and multiply that by 10. And that’s a woman on a daily basis. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I mean, they are intuitive, wonderful, wonderful, beautiful creatures. And this is one of the things that I love about them—you know, they show passion for everything. But if you are acting as emotional as a woman, then basically what you’re showing her is that you are feminine, okay? Or at least not manly, not in control. And none of her but of yourself.

If you can’t control yourself, then you can’t control a situation in which she wants to feel nothing more than safe with you. So, if you can’t control yourself, how are you going to control any of the circumstances that are going to come along in her life? And just to illustrate the emotional difference, you know, one of the things that you guys talk about a lot on your site is fashion and clothing. So, for me, when I need a pair of pants and some socks, I go to the department store, I find my size, I trim them to see if they fit, and I grab another pair of the same exact thing without even trying them on.

And I grab a pack of socks, and I pay the person who gets the hell out of the store. Because that’s what I went for. I went to get pants and socks; I had a reason to be there. Now a woman will go shopping. And she didn’t even need anything. She didn’t, and she doesn’t even know she wants anything. She’ll go shopping based on how it makes her feel. She makes decisions, you know, financial decisions or decisions to go by so because it makes her feel good. She uses emotions to make decisions.

And it’s not saying they’re not capable of logic. I’m just saying that. That is the difference between men and women: this emotional state in a beta gets very freakin emotional. You know, he lets a woman argue with him, and he escalates the argument instead of calming it down or removing himself from the situation. And by virtue of doing that, he’s showing her that he’s not manly.

He’s more womanly. And just like I said earlier, do we want our women to be more manly? Hell no. You know what attracts women, and women, by and large, are attracted to men. You know, unless you’re lesbian or you’re into that, but you know what I’m talking about? I think we’re talking to men; we’re talking to the straight crowd here.

Sean 

Yeah. And I love it. Man, I love everything you’re saying because you’re making me feel so alpha right now. I guess because I’ve spent the last year and a half completely dedicated to self-improvement and improving my own life, I’ve become pretty much everything you’ve been talking about without even, you know, pinning it to being Alpha. It’s just happened. And that’s what I want to jump into.

You know, and what you were saying, while you’re saying, is great about being nonreactive, especially to arguments, because that’s one of the most powerful things that I noticed about myself now is that, like, my emotions are not affected by anything exterior, like, you know, oh, not not, I mean, obviously, mine is something’s you know, like, if your dog gets hit by a car, or something like that, you know, but like, my emotions are so drawn from within me now, like, my state is drawn from within, and someone could come, you know, it doesn’t even penetrate my skin anymore.

And that’s been one of the most powerful things I’ve noticed about, like, all the changes I’ve made in my life over the last, like, a year and a half to two, you know, or so. But,

J.D. Dallas 

You know, it’s funny that you were talking about the emotional reaction. I just want to give you a couple of quick examples, you know, to illustrate that. You’re familiar with the Clint Eastwood movies, spaghetti westerns, and that stranger in the poncho that He always plays.

Sean 

the gun? Actually not? No, no, I’m too young.

J.D. Dallas 

You need to, first of all, read The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly—all three hours of it—sit through it; it’ll change your life, and the Fistful of Dollars for a few dollars more. And I know there are some people listening, but if you’ve heard of these movies and seen them, they’re classics if you want to be a well-rounded individual.

Sean, you might want to check these out. But anyway, yeah, just for the cultural reference, you know, Clint Eastwood plays this guy. And I swear, he only has like four lines in the whole movie, and every one of them is great. But it’s sitting in his hardcore, Old West type of setting, and there’ll be an explosion, you know, and he’ll be sitting in a bar when dynamite goes off and everybody jumps and hides on the table.

He just kind of sits there and slowly turns his head to see what happened. You know, yeah, that’s what everybody else is, like, jumping out of their frickin skin.

Beyond the Stereotype: Understanding the Real Alpha Male

Sean 

Yeah, it reminds me, like, I’m just thinking of it. like the other day. The other day I was out, and I was like, I saw a cute girl. And I was like, Oh, nice. You know, she’s with about eight people. And you know, two months ago, I wouldn’t even have imagined going to talk to this girl. But, you know, how did I go?

Oh, well, that’s what I want to talk about being unreactive. Because I walked up and I, you know, confidently, you know, tapped on the shoulder and was like, hey, you know, I just saw you and I want to tell you how great you look.

And her fat friend next door, you know, who I really would never, you know, have the time of day, turns and starts hysterically laughing like, like, like, and the old reactive me would have been immediately embarrassed and showed it and, you know, kind of made debauchery of the situation, but I just literally, you know, like I said, like, there was no penetration, you know, well, yeah, and that way, but, and I turned, I turned, I was like, they like, what the hell is wrong with this girl, and then just kept going, and it was smooth, and, you know, perfect. And the girl had a boyfriend—one of you.

Yeah, she had a boyfriend, but he immediately disengaged, or while I just looked at her, I was like, Kinda like, what’s wrong with you? Like, you know, growing up, you know, it didn’t even register, like the slightest scale of emotion inside me. No embarrassment, anything. And it was attractive. I could tell the girl was attracted to that, and our friend, you know, and then the girl just immediately shut up.

And we kept our conversation going, and the girl had a boyfriend, and that’s cool. And I gave her a nice compliment. But yeah, it’s like, I think that, you know, one of the things I want to get into is, you know, how to, you know, go from beta to alpha, which we’ll talk about for the next remainder of the show after I shut up here, but through the show, but if I had to say something that has turned me and, you know, made me more Alpha than ever, it’s just been cold approach, you know, cold approaching women, that’s really had a big effect on my life and that sense of being unreactive, and like really balancing my emotions and everything.

J.D. Dallas 

And that’s just such a small part of it.

Sean 

Yeah. So, like, let’s jump into that. So, you know, you teach this for a living, so let’s pretend that we just hired you and you were the biggest beta male out there. How do we become alpha males?

J.D. Dallas 

Well, I’m still waiting for your check to clear. It’s coming. And so I’m not going to give away the store. But

Sean 

Everyone who listens has to donate five cents. And,

J.D. Dallas 

Well, some of the first things that you need to do, Shawn, are, first of all, be willing to accept that you may have some shortcomings, and also be willing to accept that an alpha male is good. And be willing to accept that you have, excuse me, alpha DNA inside you. And it’s just waiting to come out. You know, I believe that.

Men, again, have learned beta behavior. You know, just for example, I have a two-year-old son, and when he’s around other two-year-olds or three-year-olds, if he sees something that he wants, he goes over to that other two-year-old and grabs that toy from him, pulls it away from him, and walks away. And nobody taught him to do that. And it’s not a learned behavior.

That was just his instinct: Hey, I want that. I’m bigger than that guy. I’m going to go get it. And he goes in there with no fear and takes it away. What’s the first thing that we do? Oh, hey, little Johnny. No, no, no, that’s wrong. Give that back.

Okay, and if we take it away from him, then it upsets him. Okay, and we give it back to the other kid who’s crying? And how long? That’s really interesting. Well, it’s kind of an extreme example. But uh, well, no, it

Sean 

is a great example. I’m saying, I never really thought about, like, yeah, just being human. It’s really like human nature at that age.

J.D. Dallas 

Absolutely. I think your alpha when you’re born—you know if you look at it, you’re one of a million sperm that frickin made it. I mean, now, You’re a goddamn champion man, you know. Seriously,  put you in front of a million other men, and you came out on top. You willed yourself into the world. And as chairman, from the moment that we’re born, you know, we’re told and taught to be beta.

So that was the first thing that I would ask you to understand is that you, you know, the proverbial, you are the problem, okay? And we can solve that problem simply by taking all these learned beta behaviors, and I could point them out to you as you’ve already done some. And we stop acting like the alpha.

But let’s stop acting beta.

First of all, you know, one of my favorite quotes, and you and I share quotes all the time. I remember talking to you before some of yours. But one of my favorite pieces of history is the Statue of David by Michelangelo. It is purported that he was asked how he was able to create such a beautiful masterpiece out of a block of marble. And his answer was, I just removed all the pieces of stone that weren’t the statue, and all that was left was David. Yeah, and that’s sinister in its simplicity.

But I like to use that as an analogy for it: you have this alpha inside you. And we have packed on all these beta traits on top of us, you know, by not speaking up, by being emotional, and by being a woman’s friend, or everybody gets a trophy, you know, all this kind of stuff that we’ve learned that isn’t our instinct; you know, we’re taught that it’s bad. If you want to have sex with more than one woman, You’re a pervert, okay?

And that’s simply saying, You’re not allowed to be a man because, again, for the survival of the species and the perpetuation of human beings, at some point, you know, our instinct had to be, I need to put my seed into as many people as possible.

Yeah, you know, that’s how a species survives. The dance is a lot different these days. You know, there are dinners and movies involved. But that instinct is still the same. You know, guys that are in committed relationships Even if they don’t cheat. They look. You know, men are just wired that way. We’re wired to be visual. You know what you know, and I know you can walk out of the house right now. Yeah, in the next half hour. You’ll see someone with whom you’d say I’d have sex.

I would like to do her, and you don’t even know her. Just based on how she looks, why is that? Well, that’s your instinct; you’re trying to perpetuate the species; you look for women who have good breeding traits, which, you know, basically is what you’re attracted to. And that means my DNA is going to mix well with hers. I’m horny, okay? And anyway, getting off on a sidetrack there

Sean 

Now, it’s cool, because yeah, I love it. Because I love that I always say this kind of stuff, you know, I’m not a religious guy. And, you know, at the essential core, we’re just, you know, organisms with consciousness and, like, thoughts, and that’s all that really differs us from the animals; when our instincts take over, i hat’s all it is.eah, animals,

J.D. Dallas 

And most men never truly live; they don’t get past or beyond the basics. You know, well, I’m going to get wet if I live in a parking lot. So I guess I should get a house, you know, and I guess I need to eat, and I guess I need to poop. And, you know, it’s just enough to get by.

Modern Masculinity: Addressing the Decline of Alpha Traits

Whereas this is what does separate us from the animals is that we have this, this consciousness and this thoughts, and in this entire world for us to enjoy, you know, and every day should be out there living your life, but you asked me, you know, how do we go from being beta to alpha and of course, one of the greatest ways is to talk to me go to my website, and read some of the stuff that I have there, I have hours and hours of audio training that you can listen to, that will tell you everything that you need to know and the things that you don’t get out of that you just asked me, you know, but I would say, you know, hey, beta, male behavior, are you looking to get into a relationship too quickly? You know, are you desperate for a girlfriend?

You know, and Alpha is not desperate for women.

And he’s not desperate for anything. You know, when you’re desperate, it always works out this way. When you’re desperate for a woman’s attention or affection. It implies that you need it to survive; when you’re not desperate for that, it implies that you have plenty of it, which will put you at ease. And this excites women when they have the attention of other women. Because there must be something about you. That is desirable. And there’s a competitive nature in women. Why is there a competitive nature in women again?

I contend that it’s instinctual and goes back to when we climbed out of the frickin heavens and raised our hands up to those heavens and said, I am a man. They were competing for the few alphas over the betas. And if you don’t think that these instincts are true, why do women have them? Why is makeup and beauty a multibillion-dollar industry? It’s because women have figured out what I told you earlier.

Men are visual; we look at them and are attracted. And that’s why they spend all the money, you know, on the tans and going to the gym, on the fake this and the eyelashes that are in the boob implants in the liposuction. Because they are competing for relatively few real men. That’s what I believe.

Sean 

Yeah, no, I agree.

J.D. Dallas 

And so it won’t take that much for you or anybody else to stand out like a mofo if you can just learn and practice a couple of the traits and stop doing some of the beta stuff. You know, which is, you know, blowing up her phone. And going crazy. When you accomplish something, you know, Hurray, I got a trophy. And, you know, stop being afraid to meet new people and work on your body language.

You know, we could spend an hour on body language alone. Yeah. But I mean, maybe we will want to Well, let me give you the basics real quick. You know, stuff like hands in pockets, fidgeting with your hands, slouching your shoulders—something that you should practice, walking down the street, shoulders back, eyes up out at Horizon level. And that is instantly more attractive right there.

Stop fidgeting with your hands. Here’s a great one: guys find themselves in this situation all the time. You’re in a bar. And when Beta comes in first, he goes straight to the bar. I have beer. He gets his beer, holds it up against his chest, you know, with your arm bent at a 90-degree angle, and walks around like that.

And compare that At two, you have your beer in your hand; you grab it by the neck, and you’re holding it down next to your thigh, very casual. You’re very open and comfortable with yourself. How many guys do you see standing up against the side of the wall with that beer right under their chin, you know, clutching it with their one arm? That’s just such a defensive and insecure posture. And you know, you can go Google that right now.

You don’t need to pay me or listen to me to say that, this arm across the chest with the beer, as opposed to just casually getting it hanging down there, and you’re comfortable with yourself. There you have it, your daily tip.

Sean 

Yeah, I mean, now I’m going to notice. I’m going to notice that every time I’m out, you know, maybe tonight it’s Friday night.

J.D. Dallas 

That’s the other thing that the guys told me. They’re just like, as soon as I read all these beta male tips and I go out, I’m like, I see it everywhere.

Sean 

Yeah, I love this. Because this is what I wanted to finish off with applicable tips that, you know, a lot of this stuff is awesome. But like, I like to leave listeners with, like, things that they can go out and start, like, practicing in their lives, you know, and so yeah, like you said, you know, up your body language while you’re walking, you know, while you’re in the bar, you know, just the way you are and be more open; don’t be like, in defense, you know, be comfortable with who you are. And it’s a learned skill.

You know, this is a learned skill. I think, for me, if I had to, like, give some applicable tips towards how I, you know, what really made a difference in my life, I guess, towards becoming more alpha, I’ve even realized that that’s what it was,

J.D. Dallas 

because I feel like I’m always learning, and I’m dying to know this. So please, what can you share with me?

Authentic Alpha: Being True to Yourself

Sean 

Honestly, you know, if I was going to say one, which I’ll say, I’ll say a couple. And, you know, I’ll start with really basic ones and things that are a little more extreme. You know, for me, one is just to start to really, you know, commit to a life of self-education and improvement. That’s, that’s what you know, and not just trying to impress other people, but really just trying to be the best version of yourself every day and really being, you know, striving to be the best you and I think what happens is that you just start to Yea.

It might seem a little selfish, but you start to care about yourself. And that takes you out of trying to care about everyone else. 100% You know, obviously, I still care about so many people, and I love you know, I think I’m a really nice guy, but like, I love I love me, like that’s what it is to love yourself, you know, and

J.D. Dallas 

showing that. Okay, so I got a comment on that, because I think that is one of the best pieces of advice ever. And, you know, have you ever been on an airplane, and the stewardess is going through her spiel, and they say that in the event of a cabin pressure drop, your mask will drop down?

Sean 

Yeah, and this is one of my favorite quotes. I know where you’re going to say, Yeah,

J.D. Dallas 

So you’ve got to put it on yourself first. Yeah. And then help the child next to you or the elderly person next to you, and why?

Why is that?

Because, you know, we feel like being selfish really should help them. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re no use to anybody else. Yeah. And I think that what you’re saying is that concentrating on yourself is not selfish; it is of service to the world because you’re bringing the best possible person you can out that front door every day. And you can leave everybody a little bit better than you found them.

Sean 

Yeah, so yeah, so that would be number one: to love yourself. And I think that a lot of guys don’t; you know, I personally know a lot of guys don’t, and, you know, we’re talking about applicable things. You could start small and just write down every day, like, 10 things that you like about yourself, on a piece of paper. And then eventually, you’re just going to evolve, and you’re going to start to feel more comfortable in your own skin, which is attractive in itself. So that would be number one.

Number two, that’s helped me a lot. Pretty much life-changing was, you know, approaching women. I’ve been doing this for about six weeks, and I couldn’t approach a girl without having 15 beers running through my blood when I was in college. And I did well, and, you know, I was always like a popular guy and on the soccer team. So you know, I never really had to develop any games. And this was always definitely this part of me—this big hole in me—that I was not good with women.

And you don’t even have to want to sleep with tons of women. You just want to know one woman and find your wife, but becoming confident with women is so powerful, and you just feel powerful because you’re  comfortable talking to people, which helps you become more social at work. Being more social with everyone develops your social skills, because it’s frightening to do.

And it’s, you know, just doing it over and over, like approaching every hot girl you see—you know, just make it something that you do, make it part of your life—that’s really changed me and made me so much more confident, and my body language is better. And I’ve just, you know, always felt better, and it’s exciting, and I’m only getting started. And that’s so that’s like, one thing that I would suggest to people is, you know, go out and get better at, you know, walking up to even strangers—it doesn’t have to be women—and just talking to people and being comfortable talking to people, and then start approaching women and just telling them how great they look and giving them a compliment.

And you know, you don’t have to creep them out or anything. It’s just a powerful thing. I really believe in it.

J.D. Dallas 

Yeah, and, you know, one of the best pieces of advice I can give you if you’re just starting out doing that is,  first of all, I think what Shawn says is 100% You know, to get good at approaching women, how do you do it? Well, you go, approach. And if you’re the guy who’s not very good at it right now, you still think, Well, how do I do that? You know, having something prepared to say is not a bad thing, especially when you’re just starting out. 

Because for most men, the first thing they ask me is, Oh, what am I going to say to her? I don’t know what to say, you know? So, work on that a little routine, you know, honest to God, and don’t get married to the outcome; the outcome doesn’t have to be positive; she’s going to react positively. She’s going to give me your phone number, and we’re going to make out. No outcome whatsoever.

So yeah, you’re not disappointed?

Sean 

Well, yeah, I’ve been. You want to I’ve in this world now like, because I’m like endorsing products and working with day game.com. So I’ve pretty much answered the world. And when I put my mind to something, it’s like, you know, everything else kind of takes second place, second tier, and I’m like 100%, like going, so I’m like, you’re like talking about this being an independence outcome and all that.

And this is all the stuff that I’m learning. And it’s great. Yeah, and I think that it connects to, you know, moving out of beta behavior in the way that when you’re acting beta, as you said, you’re trying to impress women, and you’re, you know, needy, and you’re constantly texting her. But one year, when you go out and you learn to approach women, and like a girl comes up to you and like says something, you know, maybe you’re in the mall, and this is before and you’re a beta and a girl comes up, and you’re like, oh my god, like she’s so pretty vulnerable, like you don’t know how to act.

And you know, she can tell. But when you’re, when you’ve been approaching women for, you know, two months to six months, and a girl comes up to you, and you don’t even think twice when she asks you for directions, you give them and move on. Like, it’s just like subtleties. And then, when you’re in conversations or bars with girls, you’re not thinking about the outcome.

You’re just like, confident; you know who you are; you’re not trying to impress this girl; you’re not trying to win her over; and you’re deciding because you are the buyer in the conversation; you know, you’re trying to see if she’s good enough for you. And that’s instantly attractive; she can tell right away.

And it’s unbelievable.

And it just happens from approaching women; there’s no, like, really crazy secret; you just get comfortable, and you become the buyer. And that’s when you become alpha, and it’s just a switch. And this just happens. I love

J.D. Dallas 

I use those exact words all the time. You know, you need to be the buyer, not the seller. Yeah, you know, if you’re trying too hard to convince someone, again, as I said, attraction is not a choice; it doesn’t work on logic; she’s not going to decide to like you or find you attractive because you convinced her with what you had to say. Or, like we said, selling yourself. So don’t sell yourself; evaluate her. Watch her try to impress you, and then I don’t care how hot she is.

Magnetic Attraction: The Allure of Alpha Male Behavior

Sean 

Exactly. And yeah, so you know, I don’t want to keep going too long. But if I had to say, you know, I said I would start from simple to more advanced things that I’ve done that have affected my life. So the first would be to love yourself; the second would be a little harder and, like, more life-changing, would be to start approaching women.

And third, I think something that’s really had a positive impact on me feeling like an alpha male and feeling good about myself has been meditation. And I know I wanted to keep it for last because it’s interesting. Yeah, because I know a lot of people are just like, Fuck that. You know, I don’t want to meditate.

That’s hippie shit, you know, but honestly, it’s powerful. It really is 10 to 20 minutes a day of just sitting there and being present and doing nothing because it takes you out of your head and increases your consciousness. It’s really incredible. You know, I’m obsessed with self-improvement.

And I think it’s awesome how, like, there are different levels of consciousness that you can reach. And it’s like a video game. You’re like, you meditate for 1000 hours, and you reach like level three of consciousness. like, and it’s fucking awesome, man. And it’s true. Because you do, you start to see things differently, and you’re just happier. and you start to see little things that used to piss you off.

And, like, these aren’t even real things. He’s just an illusion. It’s like you’re just a better, more powerful person. It’s incredible. So that’s been what’s been really changing for me; those three things have been great.

J.D. Dallas 

I liked that last one. See, I told you that I’m always learning or wanting to learn. That’s something that I used to do a long time ago and that has completely gone out of my life. And I’m glad you brought that up. I think it’s excellent advice.

You know, I’ll leave you with one as well. You know, do something every day that you’re fricking afraid of?

Sean 

Yeah, that’s amazing.

J.D. Dallas 

Well, okay. We can’t do that every day. But here’s something you can and should do every day. Well, maybe you’re only afraid of one thing. You know, I don’t know. If it’s approaching women, then Yeah, do that every day.

Sean 

Yeah, that kind of goes into that. Yeah, do something. I think you should do something every day that scares you. And yeah, for me, it’s still, like, you know, hard to approach women. And if it’s just a harder scenario, yeah, maybe you can’t do it every day. But that’s amazing advice. Go on.

J.D. Dallas 

You feel good if you look good. And if you feel good, people are going to get that energy from you. Do you know? Have you ever been around someone that you consider toxic, or just like, Man, what a drag that person is, you know, that kind of thing? I have. That’s because I think we all give off energy to the universe, and the universe reflects back to us what we project out. And you know, just like you feel that from that person, it’s like, Oh, man, what a downer, and it repels you. And whereas, you know, people with magnetic personalities call him that because it attracts you, So, take five minutes.

Every time you leave the house before you leave, make sure that you’ve got your look together, especially if you’re trying to meet more women because you never know. I believe every time you leave the house is an opportunity to meet women and people. So when’s the best time to pick up women every time you leave the house? You know, let’s say yeah, you throw on your sweats, a Christmas sweater, flip flops, and a backward baseball hat, and you haven’t showered because you just ran into the store to pick up a gallon of milk. You walk in, and there she is. Right?

Now, maybe you’re ultimately confident you can still talk to her. But imagine if you knew you were looking good, you were walking tall, and you had your best clothes on. And you’re going to feel so much more confident.

And there are opportunities that are going to present themselves to you that you’re going to take advantage of because you’re feeling good about yourself. And it only takes five minutes to run a frickin razor across your face, wash your ass, and look good, dammit.

You know, you’re only young once, and you only go around on this thing once and in the hole. God doesn’t make crap, and that body is a temple. Show some pride in yourself. And other people do that, too. If you don’t respect yourself, nobody else will.

Sean 

Absolutely not; that’s fantastic advice. And I guess we’ll wrap it up here. And I just want to, I guess, close it. Because some closing thoughts I mean, you know, we’ve gone over a lot here. And if you’re listening and you’ve been, you know, you think you’ve been a beta male, I think there’s a lot of ways to start changing it. It’s going to happen slowly; you know, it’s not going to happen instantly. Start committing to yourself a little more and start committing to a life of self-improvement.

I Stop caring what everyone thinks about you.nd you know, you do things like adjust your body language. And if you want to go out and get better with women, do that. And if you even want to meditate, do that. Love yourself and do a lot more stuff. Because, as you know, this is a topic that you can make a whole website about, as JD has. Go check out his website. I mean, it’s modern mail lifestyle.com.

He’s got articles, audiobooks, and amazing stuff. And he’s a coach if you’re in the Ohio or Cleveland, Ohio areas, I read.

J.D. Dallas 

Yeah, and that’s, you know, in person, and I will travel to see you, but I talked to guys from, you know, frickin Australia, Hong Kong, and California all the time. You know, Skype is a beautiful thing. Let me just say that, and for all your listeners, by the way, if you go to my website, I have a 300-page ebook called The Dating Attitude, and it’s all about getting your attitude together. And it’s absolutely free. Just go to my website, read on the front page, and it’ll say Click here to download an ebook.

You know, again, that’s that putting out to the universe saying I think it’s some of my best material and I’ve given it away for free news and no bullshit no. Nothing to buy, nothing like that.

Just go to Wilbraham and download it.

Sean 

That’s great, man. Yeah, I could honestly talk about this for ages because I feel like there are so many more things that I can learn from you and that other people can do. But, you know, this is going to be a topic that we’ll probably come on and talk about again, and it will be all 100% applicable, things that you can do every day to become more alpha because we covered a lot of theory here.

So, you know, keep listening to the podcast, guys.

J.D. Dallas 

Practical steps will be next, you know, next time we get together. I’ll tell you how to work the room as an alpha male and to get every woman in the room to notice you and attract you, and these will be step-by-step instructions. How about that? And how’s that for a tease?

Sean 

I’m actually pretty cheese right now. I’m really interested in that. Um, alright, man. So thanks a lot, guys. Thanks. JD. This has been amazing. I had a great time.

J.D. Dallas 

Thanks, Shawn. I’ll talk to you soon, brother. Hi, man. Take care.

Menprovement Podcast 

Thanks for listening to the Men’s Progress podcast with Sean Russell. Get more episodes, more tips, and download our free self-improvement ebooks at www.menprovement.com.