A lot of guys have completely given up talking to women in the Covid age. And I get it.
Safety concerns, fear of other people, social distancing, masks, lockdowns. As if talking to girls you are attracted to wasn’t hard enough!
People are afraid of each other now.
But our sexual desires have not suddenly disappeared. And neither have women.
It is still possible to meet women, assuming you are allowed to leave the house.
So. What’s a guy to do?
As long as you abide by your countries regulations, avoid socializing when you don’t feel well, and respect people’s 6 feet of personal space – you can still go out and meet new women in these strange times. And honestly, not much has changed.
I say not much because what we teach at Menprovement requires guys to simply embody 6 principles. From these principles, all the “techniques” and conversations flow naturally. And one of these principles, emotional intelligence, 100% accounts for Covid-19 and all the social changes its arrival has triggered.
You’ll learn how in this article.
So when you are walking down the street masked up & you see a hot girl you really don’t want to risk never seeing again – what do you do?
Here’s my answer:
I’m a big proponent of being natural and just flowing in your interactions with women, but when you’re new to this, and especially bombarded with loads of different advice from various coaches… just being natural is well….
Tough as hell!
She’s sauntering down the street, hair shining in the sunlight. She’s making you absolutely randy and you don’t have any ideas what to do or what to say!
You’ve read a ton of eBooks and watched loads of videos on different techniques and theories… and you freeze up, right?
Plus there’s the fact that you’re wearing a mask and you know that in general people are scared shitless of other people because of the perceived life threat of a pandemic.
Do I tell her I like her, or does that validate her too quickly?
Do I jump around in front of her to stop her, or do I stop her from the side?
I might have stopped her successfully but then what?
Will she think I’m a creep in a mask trying to get her sick?
How do I diffuse the fear response?
How do I then keep the conversation going?
I’m not adequately building attraction – what’s going wrong?
If this all sounds painfully familiar, don’t worry, you’re not alone.
What’s happening here is, you’re suffering from analysis paralysis and that’s because you’re seeing the process of interacting with this girl – the wrong way.
For the purpose of this article, I’m not going to give you loads of complicated techniques.
It’s more important we change things at a root, principle level, and from that, blossoms all the right things to say and do.
Adjusting for The Social Changes Brought on by Covid-19
The world has changed. I don’t know if it will ever be the same.
So whether you’re reading this during Covid-19 or years after, socialization may be accompanied by fear for many people. You need to account for this until you don’t.
When talking to a girl you’ve just seen during your daily adventures, emotional intelligence (Principle #5 –Learn all 6 principles here) is your best friend.
What is it?
Emotional intelligence is what stops you from going up to hit on a girl when she’s crying. It’s the ability to tell when a situation is awkward or a girl is feeling uncomfortable.
A guy with no emotional intelligence would not be able to tell when a girl is feeling afraid or awkward in an interaction, so he would do nothing to diffuse it as he blabs away. This is unattractive and he is seen as fucking weird for a lack of better words.
A guy with highly developed emotional intelligence will be able to recognize when a situation is strange, or a girl is uncomfortable immediately. He will then be able to diffuse the situation using the magic words of contextualization.
Contextualization is your new best friend.
What is it?
In simple terms, contextualization is using language to provide clarity, understanding, or context to a situation or interaction.
Most pick-up artists (we are not pick-up artists) use contextualizing as a technique or routine. A cookie-cutter approach to every girl they talk to.
This is not needed.
Embodying emotional intelligence as a core principle will allow you to enter any interaction and go with the flow. If you need to contextualize, you’ll know it – and you will.
Although it’s not always needed now (I had some great interactions with women this weekend at the shops, complimented them on their tattoos, got some great eye contact. The sexual energy was there. I could have easily expressed my desire (Principle #4 – Learn all 6 principles here) and exchanged phone numbers with them).
But it’s pretty safe to say that if you stop a girl in the street right now, she will have an element of fear and mistrust that normally wouldn’t be there.
So contextualizing would be a good idea.
It might look like this:
Scenario 1: You’re enjoying your day in the park (Principle #1 (Autonomy) – Learn all 6 principles here) and you see a cute girl walking her dog.
You: “Hey what’s up“
If you’re anything like me, at this point I would probably spend some time showing genuine interest in her dog, petting her dog, talking about how much I miss my pup who now lives with my parents. Blah blah blah…
If you’re not good at this click here to learn conversation mastery.
You’ll get to the point in the conversation where she’s starting to wonder what you’re still doing there. Or maybe she’s cool and is enjoying the company. You have to feel it.
Let’s just say she’s timid and you can tell she’s afraid of social contact because of the virus.
You may feel this right after you say hello, or it may take a few minutes – but whenever you do, just contextualize the situation to her, providing some comfort & bringing her into your reality.
You: “Listen, I realize that this is highly irregular and people don’t really talk to each other anymore – but I saw you and I think you are absolutely beautiful. So if you’re not comfortable chatting I understand and I respect that.“
Something like this shows that you are an intelligent person. You understand what you are doing is taboo right now, but you’re also bold because you don’t let social conditioning hold you back from following your desire.
If you are more direct or cheeky, you could incorporate your acknowledgment of the situation without directly pointing it out.
For example, you’re shopping in GUESS and the hot floor worker comes up and asks you if you need any help.
You grab the pink ladies shirt next to you and ask:
“Do you think this would look good on me? Or should I try the green?“
She laughs, crafts a reply – and you say:
“Man I know I can only see half your face right now but you are fucking gorgeous. I’m John.“
You’ve acknowledged the situation, but you’ve just moved past it.
The point is, depending on when you’re reading this – you may need to bring a little more contextualization into your interactions with women.
This doesn’t mean you use this as a line or routine like some robotic pickup artist, but just be aware and let your emotional intelligence guide you.
If a situation requires contextualization, then you will feel it – and act accordingly. And as you’ll learn later, contextualizing can be used in any situation. It is not only needed for Covid-19 related weirdness.
So now that you’ve learned what we discussed above, you have this tool in your locker.
Apart from this, meeting women really hasn’t changed. The laws of attraction still apply.
So I’ll walk you through how to interact with a girl you’ve just seen step by step. If you need to add in what we learned above (depending on what it’s like where you live or even when you’re reading this) you can do that.
So, here we go.
First: You Have to Connect With Her!
I know this is the scary part. But the first step in talking to a girl is to actually talk to her. You have to enter her reality, whether it’s stopping her while walking, just catching eyes with her, or going up and saying “hello.“
You have to create the connection.
This is a topic too in-depth to cover here, so if talking to a hot girl you’ve just seen on the street is a completely foreign concept to you – or you just want to learn how to do it without any fear of “approach anxiety” check out our advanced training here.
Second: Don’t Hide Your Intent (In other words, your desire)
This was a major stumbling block for me when I started learning dating advice. I used to be able to do this instinctively, without really contemplating what I was doing but then all of that had gone.
It was gone because I was now trying to learn all these techniques and strategies, which I thought I needed to learn in order to be good with women. It was teaching me to hide my intent.
It was knocking me out of the moment and killing my interactions.
What I now realize looking back, is that hiding my interest may work in very specific, high-profile wanky LA clubs where the fame game is the currency. That’s because those environments are superficial and based on status.
In everyday life, forget it!
What you put in you get back out. If you put in – I’m too cool for school and I don’t really care about you, you’ll get exactly that back. It’ll get cycled back round – that aloofness from her.
You can see this when someone is nervous and awkward with you, you’ll start feeling nervous and awkward on some level. That’s how the energetic world works. It’s reciprocal.
When you see this girl coming towards you on the street, instead of memorizing all these 1000’s tricks and trying to string them all together, you’re going to drop into your genuine desire and interest for her and let that seep out. (Principle #4 – Learn all 6 principles here)
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. ” – Hemingway
THINK IT, FEEL IT, SHOW IT
I’ll think “fuck, she’s hot,” I’ll feel it, and then at that point… I’ll just say, “excuse me”, she’ll stop and then I’ll say “hi”, or “hey, how are you.”.
Basic small talk.
But there’s a difference; my words are charged and she knows EXACTLY why I’m stopping her!
It’s also sexy to channel that intent into basic small talk, as it feels like your little secret together and no one else has to know about it.
What you’ve done at that moment is made a little container for you and her. And she doesn’t feel like she’s on the receiving end of a typical bubble-gum-style pickup.
Often though, I get my students to practice verbalizing the intent at first by saying “Hey you’re cute, you’re fucking hot”, so that it trickles into their behavior and non-verbal communication and they own it. Then they can just say “hi” and hold that intent and so instead of stating it verbally, they say it with an attitude.
So by all means practice that too.
If you’re really in alignment and congruent with your genuine interest in her, she’ll pick up on the little sparkle in your eye and she’ll GET it.
This is what we want.
At which point she’ll either welcome you and open up to you or close up and remove herself from the interaction.
If she’s looking at you like a dog looking at a crossword, then she’s not realized what you want.
You haven’t telegraphed your interest for her properly.
This will occasionally happen, and when I notice her look of bemusement I do the next important thing, which is to re-contextualize the interaction…
In-Game material they would refer to this as framing the interaction, but it’s much easier to think of it in terms of establishing a context.
I will then verbalize this in different ways:
“So, I saw you and you looked cute and I wanted to come over.”
Or I could say this is more of a fun-lovin’, cheeky way:
“You’re looking confused as to why I’ve come over to you… isn’t it obvious!”
You can adjust what you say depending on the girl, the mood, the environment, and even how you’re feeling and your own personality.
And if Covid-19 or the PTSD of a pandemic is a factor, you would contextualize to account for this as we discussed above.
But the long and short of it is, she now knows why you’re there.
She will either giggle and want to stick around, or she’ll immediately show in her body language that she wants to get out of there. She’ll show this with micro-body language suggestions (see article: Observing Body Language)
If she seems happy to stay – lead the conversation. This can just be normal small talk, but just don’t forget to maintain that intent, bristling under the surface. Even if it’s just a twinkle in the eye.
When you’re chatting with her, instead of the conversation being a series of arbitrary techniques you have to cobble together, you let your intent be the river through which all your conversation flows. It’s a letting go. It’s trusting in the unknown.
This is where the magic happens.
From this place, whatever you say will be the right thing to say. Your body language will be the right body language because it’s all in alignment with your intent.
Without the intent, you’ll have this empty, vacuous interaction devoid of emotion or feeling and you’ll panic and think; “shit, how do I keep this conversation going”? Of course! Because there’s no intent.
You may string a few things together, but then you’ll short circuit, as you’ve run out of material or feel like you’re losing her.
That’s why dropping into your desire for a woman, and being confident enough to let this come out in your interactions, is the most potent shift you can make, and it’ll cascade down into all your words and actions.
Give this a go – It’s a complete game-changer.
If you want to learn more about the various ways to stop a girl on the street, or the art of conversation then check out the Ultimate Dating Program where I take you through the entire process in 32 HD video lessons.
Thanks for reading guys. Stay safe, be smart and make someone’s day better with your desire.
John Cooper is a world-renowned coach and pioneer in the dating community. Having trained men and women since 2009 he forged his own coaching method which focuses on being the social artist rather than the pick up artist. This culminated in his bestselling book – Game Over (2015).