How To Survive a Messy Break Up

How To Survive a Messy Break Up

How To Survive a Messy Break Up

break up

One of the most painful life events is a difficult breakup, it can really, really hurt sometimes, how do you survive that? Especially if it’s your first time and you don’t know what you need to do in order to recover.

A difficult breakup produces very strong emotions that tend to stick with you for months, sometimes years. And if you’ve been living in denial although you saw it coming, it’s even harder on you because you persuaded yourself it will never happen. Can You Relate To That?

Even if the breakup was a ‛mutual decision’ that doesn’t mean it will hurt less. And it certainly doesn’t mean it will hurt less if you’re a guy. It is known that men tend to hide their emotions, but that doesn’t mean they can’t suffer.

The thing is that men can not process emotions right. Some studies even show that difficult breakups can even affect men more. Recovery from a difficult breakup is different for every individual, so there is no real ‛recipe’. However, there are some good advice and tactics to make it less turbulent and even speed up the process.

MORE: 12 Painful Reasons To Break Up With a Girlfriend

how to survive a break up

How to Recover From A Long-Term Relationship Fast?

No matter how hard you try to speed it up, recovering from a difficult breakup is still a process – you can’t just kill or switch off your feelings. The pain will always last more than you think.

You could even have moments when you think it’s over but then you think of your ex or just see something that reminds you of her and your back in pure hell. You need to be patient and you’ll succeed to do that by learning how to accept your grieving.

Most of the men are used to ignoring the fact that they feel hurt. But the key is in letting yourself feel. Suppressing your emotions will just bury them much deeper inside and can affect your mental and physical health, so the best solution is to let it all out.

But that’s not even remotely easy as it sounds because the suppression is like a code written into your mindset. As a man, you’ve been discouraged from showing your emotions since your early childhood.

As a product, at first, you’re going to feel like you’re not yourself, but if you learn how to acknowledge your feelings it will be easier to overcome them.

If you’re wondering how to survive a breakup when you’re still in love check out the article below.

Let’s Talk The Break-Up

Now that you’ve admitted to yourself that you do need a shoulder to cry on, you need to find it which is not an easy task. Women have many girlfriends they talk to all the time about emotional stuff, but even if you have a bunch of buddies, they are not used to giving you emotional support, even if they know you’ve been through a difficult breakup.

So you might be asking to get through a breakup alone? The good news is you don’t have to. Breakups are a common experience and you should talk it out.

It’s always hard to talk honestly to fellow men because we fear that they’ll think we are soft. The truth is that sometimes we are and we have every right to be. You don’t have to talk to all of your friends, pick one or two and open up to them.

There’s always a chance that they’ll understand you if they also had a difficult breakup and maybe they’ll even be able to give you some good advice. Just be careful if you decide to go to mutual friends as you may find yourself in the middle of a ‛custody’ battle.

Mutual friends tend to pick a side after a difficult breakup and you can get them into a difficult situation if they picked your ex.

MORE: 12 Essential Steps To Overcome a Break-Up

Don’t Hurt Back

Many people after the difficult breakup make the mistake of trying to win their ex-girlfriend back. It doesn’t just create a possibility to be dumped twice, but it can also hurt her. In a difficult breakup usually, both sides suffer.

So you might be asking yourself: How to get over a breakup when you still love each other?

If you try to win her back with some sweet and romantic act it can just remind her how hard it hurts. Have in mind that it was a difficult breakup for her too and that she’s also trying to recover, just like you.

The second reckless thing men tend to do is to win any other woman fast, just to drown their sorrow in other arms. This technique is very selfish and extremely cruel to those women.

You know you don’t love her, you know you don’t care, you know it won’t last, but you say all the opposite things to her just to get acceptance. And if she accepts you that means she believes you, that she will develop true feelings for you.

If you do recover from your difficult breakup that way (what might not even happen), you’ll definitely hurt her in the process. it’s completely understandable if you want to feel a woman’s touch on you, to get back into the warm hug and sweet kisses, but don’t give any girl false hope in order to do that.

Difficult breakup, Difficult Tasks

In other words – stay busy! After the difficult breakup, you may want to sleep all day or just sit and feel sorry for yourself. People tend to create routines in order to function and sometimes a long relationship can be just that.

So, if you go through a difficult breakup you’ll fall out from your routine and that can feel very uncomfortable and unfamiliar. If you feel like there’s nothing you can do, it can easily lead to depression.

You need to avoid falling into depression and in order to do that you must make a strict daily timetable. Now it would be a good time to pick up some hobbies. Everybody has some additional interests we usually don’t have time to pursue.
After a difficult breakup, you’ll have plenty of time.

Pick something that was always a passing interest and see where it’ll take you. It’s a good idea to pick something creative and search for inspiration.

Arts & crafts can be a good distraction and they also have a therapeutic effect. If you’re not the artistic type you can always learn a new language, or learn how to play some musical instrument. Invite some friends and go on a trip.

Anything, just to forget about the difficult breakup you’ve just been through. You can also focus on physical activities and start to work out. Besides the fact that physical exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good, it can also channel your anger so you won’t be tempted to do foolish things.

Getting yourself in shape is also going to boost your confidence.  A difficult breakup can make us feel unattractive and some additional muscles can change that. No matter if you decide to take up a hobby or exercise, remember to set your goals high so you’ll need all your energy to reach them.

MORE: Why Break Ups Are Hardest For Introverted Me

Time To Indulge

Women tend to indulge themselves every time they feel bad or down. This is certainly not a characteristic of the male gender, but desperate times cause desperate measures and a difficult breakup is certainly one of those times.

Sometimes you can ease the pain simply by indulging some of your hedonistic whims. Try to buy yourself something you always wanted – maybe a bigger TV set or some exclusive drink, maybe a nice cigar?

Or maybe now is the time to finally fix up your car and make it shine? Simply do something to yourself that will make you happy as a little child. But it’s important to consciously acknowledge that you deserve the treat.

This will make you aware that you don’t need somebody else to make you happy, that you’re the person who knows how to make you happiest. When we go through a difficult breakup we tend to forget that, and this ‛shop till you drop’ technique can be a very effective reminder.

Although a difficult breakup can cause much pain and suffering, it can also become a good time for personal growth. You can learn how to truly express your emotions and become able to talk about them openly. Trying to distract yourself you can learn many useful skills and find new interests. If you take your time to reflect, you can set your expectations and goals right for the next relationship and make the difficult breakup part of your past.


Breaking up after a long relationship is hard. Remember that most people go through that experience and end up better off on the other end.

Here is an actionable item list for you:

How To Survive a Break Up 101

  • Delete everything to do with them from your phone
  • Burn anything given to you
  • Don’t listen to the songs that remind you of her (yeah you know what songs I’m talking about)
  • Work on yourself – break up are a great opportunity for self-improvement

About The Author

Lesley Haverford is a fitness enthusiast, writer, and avid reader of the sci-fi genre. When not at work, she’s probably somewhere immersed in a good book and a cup of lemongrass tea. Or more honestly binge-watching the newest Netflix hit show.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and check out some more articles you may like to continue your self improvement journey!

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