With 40%-50% of nuptials ending in custody battles, financial disputes and ridiculous questions such as “Who Has to De-Worm the Dog?” many young adults are rightly turned off by the idea of choosing one person to be miserable with for the rest of their life.
However, just like the single scene, married life has its perks. In fact, research shows that a happy and successful marriage is often synonymous with a happy and successful career. And a lot of husbands out there want to know what they can do to make, and keep, their wives happy. It may seem like a daunting task, but it’s not.
Here are some simple tips on how to keep your wife happy, and ultimately you happy:
1) JUST listen
The reason most men get this wrong is that they are trying to do the right thing. That’s commendable. They immediately sense their woman is unhappy and they want to fix it, but sometimes listening is not an action verb. If you’re empathetically fuming, asking questions, and touching her shoulder a lot, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re nodding along while she waves her arms around like an air dancer in a hurricane, you’re doing it right. It’s cathartic for her, that’s all.
So the next time your wife yells or throws a dish against the wall because someone stole her thunder at work, just say “Babe that sucks, I’m sorry” and nod along.
Word to the Wise: If your wife vents to you and not to her best friend, count yourself very, very lucky. That means she trusts you, and talking to you makes her feel better. Congrats You!
2) Help her with the little things
A lot of husbands forget this because the tasks you engage in with chivalry when you’re dating, don’t necessarily exist in marriage.
For example grocery shopping; I can’t count how many times I’ve seen a husband and wife grocery shopping and the husband gets in the car without taking the grocery cart back to the rack. If you went to the grocery store on a date (which would be weird) you can guarantee that guy would take that cart. See what I mean? Just because marital tasks don’t often exist in the dating world doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be approached with the same chivalry in the wedded world.
Word to the Wise: Refrain from doing spontaneous cleaning around the house. Many women (myself included) tend to see un-requested household help as an insult to our skill as a homemaker (even if we never wanted to be a damn homemaker to begin with). I digress. The point: don’t run the risk of insulting her by saying “The Kitchen was dirty so I cleaned it”. You’ll also run the risk of doing it wrong. Instead, ASK her if you can help with anything around the house.
3) Let her interests be HER interests
You and your wife were single folks before you met and married. This means you both had some interests apart from each other. Interests that you still have. It’s tempting to want to show love by being a part of those activities, but DON’T, unless you’re asked. Everyone needs a sanctuary, whether it’s the gym, a movie theater, or writing behind a closed door all day.
Word to the Wise: If she doesn’t ask you to join in these activities, DON’T take it personally; think of it as her time to re-charge her love machine. You can also support her interests through the gifts you give her on holidays and birthdays. Just for some extra bonus points.
4) When something incredible, fun, or exciting happens. Tell her first
This is HUGE. HUGE. We, women, rank our loved ones and best friends by who we call first when we have good news. More than likely your wife tells you first because that’s how she shows you that you’re the most important person in her life.
Start returning the favor. I guarantee she’ll be feeding you chicken wings while wearing a negligee.
Word to the Wise: If you’re only doing it for the chicken wings and negligee, you need to reassess your goals as a husband.
5) Praise her, even when she isn’t around
Okay, Okay. I know you don’t want to just randomly blurt out “My wife is a great rock climber!” at your next public outing. That’s not what I mean. Casually working little spousal praises into conversations can go a long way in showing your spouse how much you respect and admire them. WHY? Because the next time she runs into your friends, they’ll treat her differently than if you had just complained about her nagging and bitching all the time.
Word to the Wise: Focusing on the good, even when you don’t want to, also helps you build positive connotations with your spouse. It’s a good way to keep the love alive.
6) Stop looking at sex in quantity
A common myth in marriage is that there is less sex. In fact, studies show that married couples have more sex than unmarried individuals. There are a lot of theories as to why. Here’s one: When you’re dating you see each other much less than when you’re married. So it only seems that you were having more sex before marriage simply because each time you saw each other, you boinked!
Studies have shown that men prefer married sex because quality is better than quantity. Focus on telling your wife you love the sex you have, not complaining about the sex you don’t have.
Word to the Wise: Would you rather have a dozen slightly inhibited, awkward, decent bangs a month or an uninhibited, stress-relieving, costume involving, multiple-orgasm-having shag once or twice a week?
I thought so.
Even with these tips marriage isn’t a cakewalk. However, if you focus on the bad, you’ll miss out on all the good. While it may take a while to turn these tips into habits, the reward will be worth it. Don’t be surprised if exercising these habits results in some surprise shower sex; wives love payback.