Have You Ever Heard of The Phrase “It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It”?
Well… it’s true!
While what you say carries some weight, you reveal so much more about yourself from the way you say it. Yet, when it comes to improving one’s social skills, most men tend to focus on saying the “right thing” instead of improving the way they say it.
So, when you want to become socially proficient, you should start using your voice more efficiently. That’s why in this article we are going to take a look at the most important things you need to keep in mind when talking to someone, and what you can do to improve your voice.
A lot of guys once they learn that truth they start to google:
- how to get a deeper voice
- deeper voice exercises
- how to deepen your voice
Understand that the depth of the voice is just one of many components that constitute vocal projection. There are other ones that are more important and easier to change.
If you want to learn about deepening voice exercises do leave a comment and I will get the guide for you.
This guide will teach you how to develop a manly voice once and for all.
Let’s just jump into this topic by taking a look at your vocal projection.
Your Vocal Projection
If you have a hard time making yourself heard, it’s usually because your vocal projection sucks. That’s why the first thing you should do is to raise the volume of your voice while you talk. Whenever you say something, people should hear you loud and clear. Your voice should also carry, so it could be heard from far.
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the person with the best vocal projection in the room is usually the one with the highest status. In a boardroom full of executives, it’s the CEO who’s voice towers over others. When in a classroom, it’s the teacher who speaks with authority.
Same in the military, the highest-ranking officer is the person commanding others around with a firm, loud voice. A loud voice tells people around you that you feel comfortable in your own body and aren’t afraid to make yourself heard.
If your goal is to stand out, and it should be, don’t be afraid to talk louder than you usually do. While at first, this might feel a bit uncomfortable because you’re not used to it (at times, it could even feel like you’re yelling) you have to trust that it’s not nearly as loud as you imagine.
You have been socially conditioned not to raise your voice (because it’s not polite to yell), so every time you do it, you will feel some internal resistance. Eventually, though, you will get used to talking like this and it becomes natural to you. This is also where people start paying more attention to you.
The vocal projection also plays an important role in attraction. Women respond very positively to a guy with a strong voice. It conveys authority and confidence. So, don’t be afraid to talk louder than you usually do when you approach women.
But vocal projection isn’t everything in learning how to develop a manly voice. You should also pay attention to…
The tonality of your voice has a huge impact on the way people perceive you. Using the wrong kind of tonality can leave you with the exact opposite result you’re hoping to get.
That’s why it’s important for you to know what kind of tonality gets you the best results. For this exact reason, we should take a look at the three different tonalities we use when talking to people.
Watch the video below to see some examples:
Rapport Seeking Tonality
Rapport-seeking tonality is where the inflection of your voice goes up towards the end of your sentences. And let’s just get this out of the way: whenever you talk, you should avoid using this tonality.
It’s basically the extra nice way of talking. So unless you work in customer service, it’s not going to be very helpful in most social settings.
People who use rapport-seeking tonality do it out of nervousness or simply because they are trying to suck up to others.
Someone using rapport-seeking tonality will put you above themselves and talk to you hoping you’ll like them.
There is no certainty in their voice and they almost sound like asking you questions instead of telling you something.
A nervous employee will use rapport-seeking tonality when talking to his boss. The annoying sales rep who pretends to be your friend to sell you something might use it. The kid who asks his parents for a new toy will use this tonality.
“Mom, can I have the new toy, pleeeaase?”
This is not how you develop a manly voice…
Rapport-seeking tonality isn’t going to help you in your interactions with women either. It basically screams “please like me” to the girl you’re talking to. You use your tone of voice to be extra nice (and cautious) to her so she won’t reject you, but she will still lose interest because you put her on a pedestal.
If you start interacting with a girl, you could have the best line ever, but if your tonality indicates that you are seeking rapport, you won’t come across as attractive but desperate and needy.
Rapport Breaking Tonality
When using rapport-breaking tonality, you’re lowering the pitch of your voice towards the end of your sentences. So it’s the exact opposite of rapport seeking. The result will be that you sound more authoritative and sure of yourself.
People who use rapport-breaking tonality don’t care what others think of them. They aren’t putting others above them and talk expecting people to listen. They assume authority.
This is how your boss would talk to you, or a parent to a child.
“Hey! What’s your name!?”
In rapport-breaking tonality, the above question would sound more like a request where the person asking it expects you to answer.
As you can already imagine, talking this way will be very attractive to women because it implies high status and assertiveness.
Of course, you have to stay congruent with it or you’ll come across as inauthentic. It also helps if you are friendly towards her so you won’t come across as an asshole.
This is probably the easiest to recognize because it’s how people normally talk. Your tonality stays neutral and there will be no variations in the pitch of your voice. If you’re interacting with someone you consider neutral, you’re using this tonality.
Good friends use neutral tonality because they see each other as equals. Even people who don’t know each other will mostly use this tonality. If you talk to someone in a friendly tone using neutral tonality, you won’t come across as a suck-up. It’s perfect for leaving a good impression of yourself.
“How was your day?”
But neutral tonality can also be used in the attraction. As a matter of fact, along with rapport-breaking tonality, it works well when talking to women.
Of course, it’s a good idea to shift from one tonality to the other, but usually, when you are in an atmosphere where you have to demonstrate high value (like a club or bar) you should use rapport-breaking tonality. And if you have to approach somewhere you could catch them off guard (like the streets), neutral tonality is going to be a better choice.
While we already touched on the more important points, there are still some things you can do to improve your voice:
Breathe from your diaphragm.
One vital thing to remember when you amp up your vocal projection is not to raise the pitch of your voice. To avoid this, learn to breathe from your diaphragm when speaking.
You do this by breathing through your stomach – your stomach should expand while breathing in. If your shoulders and chest rise while breathing in, you’re not engaging your diaphragm and the pitch of your voice will be much higher. This might take some time getting used to if you have been breathing “wrong” all your life.
Slow Down Your Speech
If you’re nervous when speaking to somebody, you’re probably going to talk faster than you usually do. This stems from a feeling of inferiority and the desire not to take up someone’s time. Basically, you don’t want to inconvenience them and therefore talk faster.
To fix this, simply slow down your speech. Making deliberate pauses will also help you to slow down the pace of your speech. This will make you sound more confident and in control.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
The best way to get a great voice, that shows you have confidence, is to practice. First practice at home and then go out and talk to people. You could also record your own voice and then listen to it to see if you notice any mistakes. Pay close attention to your vocal projection, tone, inflection, and clarity of your voice.
Alternatively, if you’re not making any progress at all (or want to take this to a whole new level), a good idea would be to get some professional voice coaching. Having someone to listen to the way you speak and give you constant feedback and advice is an excellent way to improve your voice.
Own Your Voice
Your voice is unique to you. While you can add more resonance, depth, and clarity to your voice, you still can’t change it completely. This leaves you with only one option left: to accept it. Start to love the way you sound.
Own the way you speak and never worry about what others might think of it. Hell, if it helps, delude yourself into thinking that yours is the best voice in the world and every other guy just sounds like Kermit the Frog compared to you.
If you don’t care about the advice above, at least learn to love the way you sound. It will make you confident whenever you speak and actually fixes most of the above-mentioned problems.
So, by now you should have a pretty good idea of the impact your voice can have is in social settings and what you can do to improve it. Doesn’t matter whether it is to gain the respect of your boss, get people to listen to you, or to attract women, it is something you should learn to use efficiently.
Obviously, learning how to develop a manly voice is not going to be the sole solution to all of your problems, but it will make a huge difference in your life if it is something that has been keeping you back. Just like with everything else, do not expect results overnight.
But if you keep at it, you will become more confident and the people around you start to respond more positively to you… and so will the women you meet.
John Howkins is the owner of AlphaMaleMentality.com. He teaches men around the world how to attract women and improve their lives in the process.
I help men evolve into a person they want to become by giving them a personalized roadmap to success.