How to Be a Gentleman Without Being a “Nice Guy” or People Pleaser

How to Be a Gentleman Without Being a “Nice Guy” or People Pleaser

How to Be a Gentleman Without Being a “Nice Guy” or People Pleaser

how to be a gentleman

I love every single one of my readers. I truly respect them for their determination to ask me for advice and I admire them for doing something about their situation by reading my articles. Nevertheless, I sometimes have to stop myself from throwing my laptop out of the window when I read some of the comments I get.

I write an article about how to be more charismatic and I get a comment from a guy that charisma is totally useless because women are only attracted to assholes and jerks who treat them like shit. I then write another article about the importance of connection and I get the same comment from another guy.

Even though I know why so many men think that way and even though I have also been one of those guys who think that being a reckless asshole is the shortcut to seduction success, it is extremely frustrating to see how negative some men think about women.

They are conditioned by the media, porn movies, their frustrated friends, and very, very bad Hollywood movies that they have to act like a jerk to get laid. When I then tell them that a real seducer is a gentleman who loves women and who treats them with respect and empathy, they don’t believe me.

They don’t believe me until they finally overcome their limiting beliefs, their false conditioning, and their misconceptions about dating and sexuality. The moment they leave all these negative things behind is the moment when I get an email in which they thank me for everything.

But that only happens when they have finally realized that their ambition to becoming a gentleman is an honorable goal and that being a gentleman has absolutely nothing to do with being a nice guy.

Why The Gentleman is the Opposite of the Nice Guy

Surprise, surprise, being a gentleman and being a nice guy are not the same! In fact, a real gentleman and a nice guy are two completely different persons. The dangerous misbelief that a lot of sexually frustrated men have is that being polite, nice, and treating women with respect will lead to lonely nights and endless masturbation sessions in front of the laptop.

They automatically assume that this behavior is counterproductive for their seduction success, even though every real gentleman lives by those rules. Eventually, they believe that the other extreme that is the complete opposite of being nice and polite is the answer.

That’s how men who have a great potential to become incredibly successful seducers turn into misogynistic assholes who end up on the PUA Hate forum. I know that you don’t really want to become one of those guys. I hope that you decide to become one of the few real gentlemen out there.

Be Polite, Not Needy

The first truth that an aspiring gentleman has to understand is that being nice and polite is not the problem. You might not believe me right now, but being polite is actually a huge benefit in the dating game.

The problem is that you always imagine being a typical nice guy who can’t get laid, as soon as you think about politeness and treating women in a nice way. Don’t confuse those two things. Being polite is great, but behaving like a nice guy isn’t.

Why? Because behaving like a nice guy has absolutely nothing to do with being nice. A nice guy is needy and clingy, NOT nice. I bet the fella who first came up with the expression “nice guy” wasn’t aware of the damage that he causes with this name. He should have come up with the name “needy guy” instead.

Being nice and polite is something that every gentleman should be. I have never met a real gentleman who treated women with disrespect. Be polite, be a gentleman, but don’t be needy.

Treat Her Well, Don’t Spoil Her

A gentleman loves women. He loves to be around them, he enjoys their beauty and he could spend hours talking to them and interacting with them. The last thing he thinks of is treating women in a bad way. He doesn’t understand the men who gossip about their girlfriends, who kiss and tell, and who label women as sluts and whores.

As a gentleman, you are a man with principles and you live by the principle that every woman who is good to you deserves to be treated in a good way. You want that women feel good in your presence and that they smile when they think of you.

However, a gentleman doesn’t make the mistake to spoil the girls he is with.

He neither buys their time nor their affection. He sees the most beautiful women as the normal human beings that they are, not as the perfect princesses that the media tries to make him believe. Therefore, he treats them as normal human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.

Say What You Want to Say, Not What She Wants to Hear

Yes, a gentleman is polite, and opening the door for a woman is something that he doesn’t only know from movies. But that doesn’t mean that he never says something that the girl he is with won’t like. That also doesn’t mean that he never says something that might offend her or that makes her gaze in disbelief.

As a gentleman, you are on this world to bring joy to yourself and to the women who accompany you on your path. You are not in this world to hide your true opinion, to say what others want to hear, and to be how others want you to be. You are a strong man with a strong opinion.

You are not afraid to share this opinion, no matter if you are with one of your best buddies who you know for years or with one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen.

Listen to Her Emotions, Not to Her Words

Of course, it is important to listen to a woman’s words and to (pretend to) listen to her when she talks about how awful her boss is and how annoying her new colleague is. That’s all fine and dandy, but listening to her words is only responsible for a fraction of your seduction success.

A woman might tell you one thing, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t feel the opposite. The information she reveals through her words is nothing compared to the information she reveals through her feelings.

Women are emotional beings and it shouldn’t be a secret that they predominantly communicate through their emotions. That’s why it is way more important to listen to her emotions than to listen to her words.

But how do you listen to her emotions? Well, I know that it’s easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean that it is impossible. Due to the fact that you want to learn how to be a gentleman, I assume that you are determined to develop the awareness of a real gentleman.

As a real gentleman, you have to study women’s signs, their body language, and their emotional reactions on every single date and during every conversation. The willingness to study women will eventually set you apart from the men who will never be able to listen to a woman’s emotions and to call themselves real gentlemen.

Be Who You Are, Not Who You Think She Wants You to Be

As a gentleman, you are confident, self-assured and you know that you are a man who deserves beautiful women. If you really want to become a gentleman you have to learn to feel confident in your own skin.

I admit that it’s not always easy to feel a deep feeling of self-love, but it is absolutely necessary if you want to attract amazing women into your life. What if you don’t feel good about yourself? What if you don’t like who you are?

Well, then it is time for a change. It is time to accept that you are not who you want to be. At the same time, it is absolutely essential that you make the decision to do everything in your power to become the person you want to be.

You can do this by changing your lifestyle, adjusting your diet, changing your workout routine, and even by changing and enhancing your social circle.

No matter what it is that you need to do in order to be able to say “I like who I am”, do it. Once you have reached a state where you like or even love who you are, you won’t be susceptible to one negative thought that drives a lot of men on the edge of a mental breakdown.

You finally stop thinking that you have to become someone else in order to attract women. You finally stop pretending to be someone you are not. You are your best self. You are a real gentleman.

Be Sexual, Not Creepy

One thing that I tell my coaching clients and my readers are that every interaction with a woman has to have a sexual component. If this sexual component is missing, the interaction will inevitably lead you into the friend zone and that’s a place you don’t really want to be in.

Being sexual and living your dominant male energy is absolutely essential if you want to create attraction. A gentleman knows that, but at the same time, he also knows that there is a big difference between being sexual and being creepy.

Touching a woman in a gentle way while you are looking into her eyes is sexual. Grabbing her ass after a five-minute conversation is creepy. Whispering naughty thoughts in her ear while you are playing your hand on her leg is sexual. Telling her that you want to fuck her right after she gave you her phone number is creepy.

As a gentleman, you have to learn the difference between creepy and sexual. Sexual confidence leads to passionate nights and unforgettable memories. Creepiness leads to frustration, bitterness, and in the worst case to hatred.

Make Her Feel Special, Not Superior

A gentleman knows how to treat women. He finds the balance between deep respect and sexual expression and he wants them to feel amazing in his presence. His goal is to make the women in his life feel special.

And even though he wants to make them feel special by showering them with honest and sincere compliments and by being the sexual and confident man that they fantasize about in their wet dreams, he never puts them on a pedestal.

As a gentleman, you know that making a woman feel special brings joy and sexual fulfillment. At the same time you know that making her feel superior by being a submissive wimp, only leads to misery and frustration on both sides.

Yes, it is true that women want to feel special, but that doesn’t mean that they want to have the feeling that you consider them as more valuable than yourself. That’s the last thing a woman wants. She wants a strong man who knows how to make her feel special without giving his power away and without putting her on a pedestal that she doesn’t want to be on.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and check out some more articles you may like to continue your self improvement journey!

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5 thoughts on “How to Be a Gentleman Without Being a “Nice Guy” or People Pleaser”

  1. I enjoyed this article. I liked how a dichotomy was drawn between a gentleman and nice guy; I always saw them one in the same. Prior to this reading I believed be respectful but don’t be a gentlemen; that will put you in the friend zone. The article gave me something to rethink.

  2. Wow!! This is the most narcissistic article I have ever read!! Men do not listen to this, it’s not going to do you any favours with woman..

  3. Thank you so much this is just what I needed to hear! I have always hated being the person you described as the ‘nice boy’ and I knew I needed to change, but at the same time I didn’t want to be the ass whole some boys can be! Thank you!

    • Hi Brad!

      Thank you for your feedback. We are glad that this article was helpful.

      Best of luck,


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