Women don’t put men in the friend zone.

Men do.

Because they wait for the “right time” to make a move. It’s like removing your cute, little unicorn band-aid. Instead of ripping it off at once, you try slowly removing the strip from your skin… thinking you can avoid the pain. But instead, you suffer even more.

So what should you do?

After helping single men for over 10 years to get and keep the kind of women they want, I know the exact reasons and beliefs that keep men struggling with their dating lives.

And today, let me share how to avoid the friend zone by doing these 3 things:

1. Speak Your Mind

He had 16 dates but one problem.

I remember when traveling as a student, one of my friends told me how he met this girl. After I asked him how it goes, he said he was about to meet her for the 17th date.

“Holy smokes,” I thought, doubting this would ever turn into something serious.

In fact, when I asked him if they had kissed or had sex already, his answer was: “There wasn’t a perfect moment for that yet.” Needless to say, after the 20th date and beyond, they never ended up dating or starting anything serious at all… other than staying friends.

The keyword here is STAY.

Because for her, this was decided long ago, while my poor friend always had his hopes up, not realizing he had entered the friend zone. This brings me to the first key thing to avoid the friend zone:

Make your intentions clear

Let me explain.

Despite what the media says nowadays, women still prefer a more traditional approach where the man makes the first move. But what’s the best way to achieve this?

The solution:

Whenever you meet a new girl, tell her you like her, so there is no doubt about what you’re after. When I say “like,” I don’t mean to go up to her and say: “heeey girl, I really like you, and I could imagine the two of us being in a relationship hehe”.

Far from it.

What I’m saying is you should tell her how you THINK and FEEL about her. In other words, if you think she’s attractive and you like the way she smiles, tell her that.

Example:

Let’s say you see a girl you want to talk to. You can go up and say: “Hey, I’m not sure how to tell you that, but I think you’re cute… and the way you smile really got me, so I had to come over and say hi.”

As you can see, it’s about speaking your mind. And it’s quite the opposite of what most guys do. They try to delay being that direct until they are 100% sure that a girl is into them, which is a big mistake.

Because if you never tell a girl how you feel about her, she’ll think you like spending time with her, but nothing more. As stupid as it sounds, even girls can’t read minds. So you should be absolutely clear from day one about what you want.

And once you do, every date will be an actual date. Because she knows what you’re after. And by meeting you, she shows you she’s interested too. It’s that simple.

And one more thing:

The same principle applies to online dating

Tell her that you like her in your first message, otherwise you might place yourself into the friend zone again. It’s more common than you think.

So instead of pulling some funny line from the latest Reddit post you read, here is how you can start a conversation on Tinder:

“I was looking for a funny pickup line to impress you, but then changed my mind. To be honest: I think you’re super cute, and I don’t know what else to say, so hi, I’m Herman”.

Try it out and see the magic happen.

2. Enjoy the warmth of her soft lips on your first date

I have bad news for you.

Being clear about your intentions is not enough if you don’t act upon them.

What do I mean?

Let’s say you match with a girl you like on a dating app. You’re direct and tell her what you think and feel. And after exchanging a few messages, you actually agree on a date.

So far, so good.

But here’s where many guys miss the boat. They struggle to initiate physical contact and to make sure their actions follow their intentions during the date.

Just think about it.

If you tell a woman you’re attracted to her but then don’t do anything to get closer to her, she’ll start thinking you changed your mind. She’ll doubt you are any longer interested in her.

The result?

She’ll be confused and ask herself, “Why hasn’t he kissed me yet?”–until eventually, you’ve met so many times without making a move that she concludes you’re just friends.

So what can you do? How can you initiate touch without being creepy or getting that movie-like slap across your face for being inappropriate?

Let me tell you:

1: Start the date with a hug

Don’t hesitate; greet her with open arms. This is crucial because you’ll have the first touch immediately out of your way and show her you’re serious with your intentions.

2: Get close

Then, while you’re on the date with her, you can keep physical contact by slightly touching her on the shoulder, hands, or even legs. Basically on all the areas that are not too sexual.

And if you’re feeling it’s going well, you can even hold her hand, stroke it or play with it while talking to her.

This can be hard at first, but once you’ve done it a few times, it becomes second nature. You’ll feel if she’s into you, even if she’s nervous or shy and shows no signs of attraction toward you.

Also, ensure that touching her feels as natural as possible and is not forced. Don’t just touch her because you think you have to. Instead, tap her shoulder when you’re both laughing. Or be playful and touch her biceps when comparing it with yours. Feel free to be creative.

To make it easier, here’s a hack for you:

Always try sitting NEXT to her on a date, not in front of her like most guys do. From here, you can initiate physical contact whenever you want.

Pro Tip:

If you want to go deeper into mastering touch, check out The Ultimate Dating Program on Menprovement X. We’ve got over 25 HD video lessons, and one of them is 45 minutes with a model showing exactly how and when to initiate touch in pretty much every situation. It will get you sorted.

3: Always be ready to kiss her

Lastly, go for a kiss on your first date. Don’t wait for the perfect moment.

Just do It.

Because if you don’t, you’ll be stuck. You’ll never get past the initial stage of attraction and move into the sexual stage. I want you to realize one important fact:

If you try to kiss her on the first date, there’s no way in hell she’d think you only want to be friends with her. Even if she rejects your kiss, don’t be discouraged. It might be even better.

Why?

Because if she rejects your first kiss on the first date but agrees to a second date, you better believe she’s still interested in you.

And most of the time, a woman rejects your kiss because she doesn’t feel comfortable enough with you yet, and not because she’s not attracted to you. In other words, don’t give up too early. Be more like a gentle Sumo ringer:

Stay close and touch her, but don’t throw yourself or her out of the ring into the friend zone.

3. Be discrete in social settings

“But Herman, what about social environments like my workplace?”

I got you, it would be weird to go up to a colleague during lunch break and speak your mind in front of the whole company. The same applies to almost all situations where other people you know are involved.

The most important thing you need to know when talking to girls in your social environment is this:

Don’t make it obvious that you’re trying to flirt with her

Slut shaming is still a thing. In fact, being too direct with her in public will most likely cause her to reject you so other people don’t think she’s cheap or easy to get. Not only that, people might start gossiping about you and her. And the more your relationship with her develops, the more people will talk.

Suddenly, your relationship is more public than that of the Kardashians. And that’s not a great foundation to build an intimate relationship.

That’s why discretion and telling your intentions are a deadly combination.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say you want to flirt with a colleague. Most men would try to become friends first and then maybe… just maybe, see if there’s a chance to become more than friends.

Not a great strategy to rely on.

So you want to do the same as with any other girl: show her your intentions–but in a discrete, socially acceptable way. Being discrete accomplishes two things at once:

First, the woman will think you can be trusted to keep a secret and not brag about hitting on her.

Second, it will spare her from others “interrogating“ her about her relationship status and piss her off.

In other words: Your mission is to make it look like you’re just friends to everyone else while making it flirty and exciting between the two of you.

What does this look like in real life? Let’s get back to our workplace example.

First, make sure to catch her when she’s alone and say:

“I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it in front of the others… but I like you and would love to get to know you better.”

And boom.

If she reacts positively, you’re ready to play. From there, you need to create sexual tension, build trust and ask her out eventually.

A formula to avoid the friend zone forever

Let’s put everything we just went through together to create a proven formula to avoid the dreaded friend zone:

1. Tell her what you want
2. Touch her, kiss her, and don’t wait for her to grab your balls
3. In social settings, be a gentleman: show your intentions, but keep it a secret

Do that, and you’ll be able to permanently ban the friend zone from your vocabulary… and your life.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German

If you want to go deeper mastering attraction & seduction, while avoiding the friend zone – check out The Ultimate Dating Program on Menprovement X. It will take you step by step through the process until you get the success you are looking for. Guaranteed.